Should've been strangled at Berthon

[jonic]

Perhaps, on the basis of the forum’s chorus of outrage at my criticism of Berthon (not a syllable of which I withdraw), it might encourage the wrong sort of interest, if I observed that the broker to which jonic refers, provides some of the best, most accurate, detailed but not over-long descriptions, and excellent full colour photography.

This really is yacht brokerage as it can be, when someone has shown sense and taste, and attends closely to the information requirements of interested parties.

(HAVE A LOOK, AND SEE IF YOU DON’T AGREE)

http://www.jryachts.com/yachtbrokeragelistings.html

Your hired!

(I really do not know him by the way)

Disclaimer: Any reference to an offer of a job is purely for entertainment or amusement purposes.

 

[Greenheart]

It was a pleasure. Made a change!

Thanks Jonic. I recognise irony. (Not everyone here, does!)

I was being straight as a die, though - your site is pure class, sir. No idiotic pretences, no presumptiously casual salesman’s jargon, nothing except what your customers want and need to know, slickly presented. Great photos too. Very professional.

Whereas, Berthon reads like Stewie Griffin, gleefully giving Lois something to clean up. It stinks!

 

[photodog]

Perhaps, on the basis of the forum’s chorus of outrage at my criticism of Berthon (not a syllable of which I withdraw), it might encourage the wrong sort of interest, if I observed that the broker to which jonic refers, provides some of the best, most accurate, detailed but not over-long descriptions, and excellent full colour photography.

This really is yacht brokerage as it can be, when someone has shown sense and taste, and attends closely to the information requirements of interested parties.

(HAVE A LOOK, AND SEE IF YOU DON’T AGREE)

http://www.jryachts.com/yachtbrokeragelistings.html

Well, worthy but a bit dull I would say....

Lets look at this copy from a Dehler on the site...

Overseas business commitments by her current owner mean this yacht must be sold.

This has created an opportunity to purchase a superbly equipped yacht with many thousands of pounds worth of additional equipment at a significant price reduction.

She is a highly specified yacht with a beautiful interior in almost as new condition and has the huge plus of a recent new upgraded Volvo engine.

Ideal for the ARC and originally purchased for a circumnavigation and specified with nearly every extra, she is designed for fast, easy passage making.

She has a balanced powerful hull, yet is easy to handle short or even single handed. Her lines are led aft to power winches, the mainsail is on the Dehler maindrop system and for manoeuvring in port there is a drop down bowthruster.



Berthonised version....

Recent job loss by the North African dictator owner means this loot must be laundered!

Fully kitted with all the latest must have gangsta bling gizmo's obtained as kickbacks for oil contracts which can now be had for a fraction of their normal retail price.

Unmarked interior as the owner quickly lost interest when he realised that even with the biggest motor he wasnt gonna be able to tow a trio of waterskiing nymphets.

Really needs to be taken far away, as in fact the provinence is a bit dubious... so the ARC would be good and then possibly Brazil.

Excellent for the trophy wife to top up her tan, as the whole shooting match can be run from yer fingertips... and with the hidden bowthruster you can look like a marina god in the worst crosswind.

Call me!



Thats Better init?? I mean, you would drive to see that boat!

 

[jordanbasset]

Well, worthy but a bit dull I would say....

Lets look at this copy from a Dehler on the site...

Overseas business commitments by her current owner mean this yacht must be sold.

This has created an opportunity to purchase a superbly equipped yacht with many thousands of pounds worth of additional equipment at a significant price reduction.

She is a highly specified yacht with a beautiful interior in almost as new condition and has the huge plus of a recent new upgraded Volvo engine.

Ideal for the ARC and originally purchased for a circumnavigation and specified with nearly every extra, she is designed for fast, easy passage making.

She has a balanced powerful hull, yet is easy to handle short or even single handed. Her lines are led aft to power winches, the mainsail is on the Dehler maindrop system and for manoeuvring in port there is a drop down bowthruster.



Berthonised version....

Recent job loss by the North African dictator owner means this loot must be laundered!

Fully kitted with all the latest must have gangsta bling gizmo's obtained as kickbacks for oil contracts which can now be had for a fraction of their normal retail price.

Unmarked interior as the owner quickly lost interest when he realised that even with the biggest motor he wasnt gonna be able to tow a trio of waterskiing nymphets.

Really needs to be taken far away, as in fact the provinence is a bit dubious... so the ARC would be good and then possibly Brazil.

Excellent for the trophy wife to top up her tan, as the whole shooting match can be run from yer fingertips... and with the hidden bowthruster you can look like a marina god in the worst crosswind.

Call me!



Thats Better init?? I mean, you would drive to see that boat!

Well you made me laugh

 

[jonic]

I was being straight as a die, though - your site is pure class, sir. No idiotic pretences, no presumptiously casual salesman’s jargon, nothing except what your customers want and need to know, slickly presented. Great photos too. Very professional.

Thank you very much. I built it myself from the ground up and it took over a year to get right. Always putting myself in the customers shoes and trying to give what they need. I really appreciate the feedback.

Having said that, it was so labour intensive I would go to webcraft next time!

This is a fascinating thread for me as to list with the detail and observations I put in is a long process for each boat, involving a number of visits and then further consultations with the owner. It's often a temptation to shorten the prose and be a bit more general, but I will be sticking with my style now.

I have always had a bit of a grin at the Berthon stuff and have got to admire her creative output even if the content doesn't appeal to everyone.

 

[jonic]

Well, worthy but a bit dull I would say....

Lets look at this copy from a Dehler on the site...

Overseas business commitments by her current owner mean this yacht must be sold.

This has created an opportunity to purchase a superbly equipped yacht with many thousands of pounds worth of additional equipment at a significant price reduction.

She is a highly specified yacht with a beautiful interior in almost as new condition and has the huge plus of a recent new upgraded Volvo engine.

Ideal for the ARC and originally purchased for a circumnavigation and specified with nearly every extra, she is designed for fast, easy passage making.

She has a balanced powerful hull, yet is easy to handle short or even single handed. Her lines are led aft to power winches, the mainsail is on the Dehler maindrop system and for manoeuvring in port there is a drop down bowthruster.



Berthonised version....

Recent job loss by the North African dictator owner means this loot must be laundered!

Fully kitted with all the latest must have gangsta bling gizmo's obtained as kickbacks for oil contracts which can now be had for a fraction of their normal retail price.

Unmarked interior as the owner quickly lost interest when he realised that even with the biggest motor he wasnt gonna be able to tow a trio of waterskiing nymphets.

Really needs to be taken far away, as in fact the provinence is a bit dubious... so the ARC would be good and then possibly Brazil.

Excellent for the trophy wife to top up her tan, as the whole shooting match can be run from yer fingertips... and with the hidden bowthruster you can look like a marina god in the worst crosswind.

Call me!



Thats Better init?? I mean, you would drive to see that boat!

lmao

He hasn't lost his job though. He's the MD and massively expanding.

But I like it.

 

[jonic]

Dear Mr photodog

We have seen your yacht for sale and are very interested. Will you arrange shipment for us. We will overpay for the shipment with a bankers draft and you can keep the difference.

My father used to be a King but was ousted by corrupt officials, I also have some funds that could temporarily go into you client account for safe keeping. For this I will pay you a further 10%. Please send the accounting number and the sort of code. Please also send a blank signed letterhead to identify you and relax our lawyers.

I look forward to hearing with you.

All the best regards

and fair kind wishes.

 

[Danny Jo]

Well, worthy but a bit dull I would say....

Lets look at this copy from a Dehler on the site . . .
. . . . .
Thats Better init?? I mean, you would drive to see that boat!

Yes indeed.

But given that the Berthon verbiage that is the subject of complaint is in the thumbnails, not the full description, look at the thumbnail: "Dehler 47 - Priced to sell - £268,500 GBP - Almost a superyacht specification - must be viewed". I fail to see any more information in that summary than in a typical Berthon summary.

Nobody seems to have spotted the most important incentive for brokers to use unhelpful hyperbole to describe their clients' yachts - sellers like it, and, boosts to their egos aside, imagine that the more glowing the description, the more likely is their yacht to sell. (Perhaps analogous to the tendency among estate agents to overestimate what they could get for a house, simply to land the commission.) Berthon plays a different game by using language which is to potential purchasers patently tongue-in-cheek (decoding as "we've got to say this, you understand, but actually it's a slightly below average Dehler 47, hence the price"), while presumably persuading the vendors (well they always seem to have yachts to sell, don't they?) that many a truth is told in jest.

 

[jonic]

Yes indeed.

But given that the Berthon verbiage that is the subject of complaint is in the thumbnails, not the full description, look at the thumbnail: "Dehler 47 - Priced to sell - £268,500 GBP - Almost a superyacht specification - must be viewed". I fail to see any more information in that summary than in a typical Berthon summary.

Nobody seems to have spotted the most important incentive for brokers to use unhelpful hyperbole to describe their clients' yachts - sellers like it, and, boosts to their egos aside, imagine that the more glowing the description, the more likely is their yacht to sell. (Perhaps analogous to the tendency among estate agents to overestimate what they could get for a house, simply to land the commission.) Berthon plays a different game by using language which is to potential purchasers patently tongue-in-cheek (decoding as "we've got to say this, you understand, but actually it's a slightly below average Dehler 47, hence the price"), while presumably persuading the vendors (well they always seem to have yachts to sell, don't they?) that many a truth is told in jest.

For the sake of clarity the Dehler 47 is very much not below average, I know we are just messing around but it may be misconstrued somewhere else.

 

[Danny Jo]

For the sake of clarity the Dehler 47 is very much not below average, I know we are just messing around but it maybe misconstrued somewhere.

Sorry, will edit my post, and will be happy to delete this too.

 

[jonic]

Sorry, will edit my post, and will be happy to delete this too.

No its fine. Don't worry.

Sometimes Google picks things up so it just needed to be clarified if its read out of the context of the discussion.

 

[Greenheart]

I love Photodog’s extreme version. Very funny, and no less informative than Berthon’s typical output. If theirs actually showed a bit of acceptable relevant satire, I’d be their biggest fan, I’d never have begun this thread.

Fun can be injected almost anywhere, and it certainly needn’t deter clientele, quite the reverse. Trouble is, I’ve never actually detected any fun in Berthon’s louche slang-fest.

Maybe there’ll be an improvement hereafter?

Good luck to all, and good night. Even to you, Tranona.

 

[jonic]

I love Photodog’s extreme version. Very funny, and no less informative than Berthon’s typical output. If theirs actually showed a bit of acceptable relevant satire, I’d be their biggest fan, I’d never have begun this thread.

Fun can be injected almost anywhere, and it certainly needn’t deter clientele, quite the reverse. Trouble is, I’ve never actually detected any fun in Berthon’s louche slang-fest.

Maybe there’ll be an improvement hereafter?

Good luck to all, and good night. Even to you, Tranona.

Goodnight Dancrane.

Have a pleasant evening and sleep well.


Sorry I meant...

Most fabulous salutations and greetings of the later hours

Enjoy the rest of the groovy nightastic evening like a Roman Emperor supping on endless wine and ambrosia. Then sleep like a god exhausted by the toil of moving mountains all day. Yeah baby.

 

[Greenheart]

Jonic, you didn't say you'd been an apprentice at Berthon!!

I can hardly wait to read the next heinous dollop from their studio.

Goodnight, again. Or...

Flick your groovy LED guiding-riding light on, chaps, as the sun does its nifty-shifty circumnav. And rev up the marinised all-chrome Bodum for the starlit-sit-down.

God, that's dreadful...I bet I read it somewhere...

 

[jonic]

Jonic, you didn't say you'd been an apprentice at Berthon!! :

Not quite but we did work together on a project recently

 

[jonic]

Flick your groovy LED guiding-riding light on, chaps, as the sun does its nifty-shifty circumnav. And rev up the marinised all-chrome Bodum for the starlit-sit-down.

God, that's dreadful...I bet I read it somewhere...

I thought it was quite good.

Then I''m in buoyant mood as I have just watched rampant Spurs strut like cockerels and stick three sumptuously splendid goals past QPR.

That's probably normal footie pundit talk though.

Night all.

 

[rotrax]

Does anyone know who at Berthon Brokerage is responsible for the stomach-turning way yachts for sale are described?

It's painful to read - endless, artless undergraduate attempts to bring 1930s 'Bertie Wooster' enthusiasm to yacht sales.

Does your yacht have a bow thruster, or radar, or air-con? It will be described as "heaped high with whizzo kit".

Has it got a coloured spinnaker, or cruising chute? Then it'll be "dressed to the nines for the ambassador's ball". If the boat has been refitted or sprayed this century, it will be "spoodled to the enth and gleaming spiffingly". If it's steel, it'll be "uber roughty-toughty".

Actually, I can't invent anything half as bad as the wording Berthon uses. It's wretched. Not funny, not stylish, just moronic.

Not all Berthon's ads seem to be written by this twit. Some are factual, informative, totally adequate. Or these sections may be lifted from the builders' original brochure. I daresay Berthon's staff cringe at being associated with their colleague's repellent phrasing.

I'm a huge P.G. Wodehouse fan, and I'm mad about boats. I expect the descriptions by Berthon are meant to appeal.

They really, really don't.

I remember an aquaintence telling a female jobsworth that she was "A good case for selective euthanaisia at the age of 14" The jobsworth then asked what euthanaisia was.........

 

[Tranona]

I remember an aquaintence telling a female jobsworth that she was "A good case for selective euthanaisia at the age of 14" The jobsworth then asked what euthanaisia was.........

That is probably because your acquaintance (or you) can't spell the word properly.

BTW fail to see how your little "pearl" has any relevance to the subject of this thread.

 

[Greenheart]

Humour, I think, Tranona.

Even though I began in the hope that voices of descent about Berthon's phrasing might encourage a change in the broker's tone, I was happy to let this thread be something that left contributors laughing, at least. Sorry that wasn't your reaction.

If we start getting pedantic about spelling and punctuation, I'll quickly have fewer allies on the forum than already!

If you're incensed by poor spelling, punctuation, hyphenation etc, the same writer at Berthon has plenty to answer for.

Rotrax, your little tale is very funny. I laughed and approved of the thought...and then it occurred to me that I may be the person you imply needs dispatching! Your contribution is entertainingly non-specific.

P.S...I've often used the "" symbol, as an indication of profound irony in the words it accompanies. If readers thought I was always serious in the text I've used (as I actually was, here today)...oh Lord, what symbol indicates I actually am laughing?

 

[Poignard]

. . . voices of descent . . .

This thread is rapidly going downhill.