Should've been strangled at Berthon

[Seajet]

I knew a girlfriend who was also 'spooled to the enth'; I decided she and her boat were best left ashore with a tape warning guide around them.

 

[Greenheart]

I'm laughing out loud!

Or as the sad case at Berthon would put it, Grins-a-plenty guaranteed, comes laden with snigger-tastical splendiferosity.

But seriously...
...the worst thing about this horrid misuse of language (and waste of your time, as a reader) is that it strongly suggests the writer doesn’t actually have a clue, and is just firing off a few ugly still-born phrases, intended to signify sophistication, copious equipment, diligent maintenance and all-round appeal.

The author doesn’t specify anything – just uses dollops of distracting nonsense. Alas, one or two of you seem to have fallen for it!

 

[graham]

I make no comment on Berthon's professionalism or organisation, or the company's qualities beyond its most public face.

QUOTE (Graham) The flowery language must be reserved for magazine ads. The Website adds are purely factual.

I only wish these cringe-making advertorial dog-droppings were confined to paper...

...the following was on the net, here: http://www.theyachtmarket.com/boats_for_sale/86762/

SWEDEN YACHTS Sweden Yachts 42
Description
Immaculate Peter Norlin design as only Sweden Yachts really could. Still with her original owners and spoodled to the enth.

Gentlemen, don't lower yourselves, by trying to excuse this self-styled idiocy.

Horses for courses. Some people may prefer their yachts well spoodled.

 

[Greenheart]

I thought that the deception of an undiscerning readership, was a valid point. Whoever’s responsible for Berthon’s cruddy content, is doing a sneaky job of convincing the very easily-pleased, about the quality of yachts described…without saying anything at all!

This person probably delves in a thesaurus to find his or her latest off-the-wall superlative, then modifies it with sea-going clichés…and suddenly, the newish, indifferent French sloop is "...waving a tricolour while summiting the Richter scale of cool". Pure, steaming manure.

Actually, I made that one up (that’s why it’s relatively good) . But it’s still utter rubbish, which doesn’t say a dickie-bird about the boat. Par for the Berthon course. Maybe they'd give me a writing job...

 

[Ex-SolentBoy]

here we are -

on a thread that has gone over onto its second page talking about the language used by a yacht broker - several of the posts have said that a good job they do

so creative use of language does work

good for them


I am sure they will read this and I would like the good lady to watch some of my films and describe the slug for me

perhaps you creative chaps could apply some of her sort of language to my own dear boat "THE PRINCESS"

http://www.keepturningleft.co.uk/galleries/super-slug/

Dylan

I was accused the other day of slipping links to my website into my forum posts. Have to say it worked, as the google stats show!

However, Dylan, you seem to be leaving me in your wake.

Aren't I good using the quote button? I got another one in for you.

 

[Greenheart]

I just ate, so I haven't clicked to see what 'the slug' may be a euphemism for. Weak stomach, you understand. Even bad English upsets it.

Will anyone elucidate?

 

[onesea]

I thought that the deception of an undiscerning readership, was a valid point. Whoever’s responsible for Berthon’s cruddy content, is doing a sneaky job of convincing the very easily-pleased, about the quality of yachts described…without saying anything at all!

Bits removed

But it’s still utter rubbish, which doesn’t say a dickie-bird about the boat. Par for the Berthon course. Maybe they'd give me a writing job...

Well at least they are more honest than some other brokers, having traveled considerable distances to view boats that had major faults. Even after chatting to the broker to try and get a near honest opinion...

Faults:
Mast step soft: Keel pushed up 3 inche, chatting in the yard I got advised how much the repairs would cost the repairs had already been quoted...

In need of little TLC: should this include cabin liners half replaced bodge job. Cabin sole that floorboards no longer fit (structural?), 2" open hole in the transom (was advised you could sail her away). Toe Rail bent in several places (Starboard side only), minor Refit required was my view.

Good description & inventory: No mention of the fact the front of the keel is pushed down 2", mast step (deck stepped but post under deck) starting to sag, did I mention the cracks round the internal floors and slight raise in aft end of keel? Further boat yard investigation, she may have touched bottom once...

With one boat we decided it would just be easier to send a surveyor. The fuel was going to cost a fair price, it was beyond a days drive so had accommodation to consider. We had seen a sister-ship so why not...

Sadly we missed out on that one, will keep looking...

 

[sailorman]

Did you read before posting this

 

[Colvic Watson]

The Princess:

"Don't pack your ducky whites for this one boys, slip into a set of all-in-one blueys and before you can say 'where's my spanner' you'll be caressing her flanges and riveting pop widgets.

Simply dripping in country outhouse charm don't discount the girlie appeal, once the Mem Sahib has spent a few hours upended in the lazarette clutching your spanner, she'll be signing on the dotted line for the cruise of a lifetime.

Come on fellas, unlock the power of the beast within and get this princess racing."

 

[Fergus]

Anyone with half a brain will see past the clarkson-esk verbiage. I find it quite refreshing!

 

[Sybarite]

Does anyone know who at Berthon Brokerage is responsible for the stomach-turning way yachts for sale are described?

It's painful to read - endless, artless undergraduate attempts to bring 1930s 'Bertie Wooster' enthusiasm to yacht sales.

Does your yacht have a bow thruster, or radar, or air-con? It will be described as "heaped high with whizzo kit".

Has it got a coloured spinnaker, or cruising chute? Then it'll be "dressed to the nines for the ambassador's ball". If the boat has been refitted or sprayed this century, it will be "spoodled to the enth and gleaming spiffingly". If it's steel, it'll be "uber roughty-toughty".

Actually, I can't invent anything half as bad as the wording Berthon uses. It's wretched. Not funny, not stylish, just moronic.

Not all Berthon's ads seem to be written by this twit. Some are factual, informative, totally adequate. Or these sections may be lifted from the builders' original brochure. I daresay Berthon's staff cringe at being associated with their colleague's repellent phrasing.

I'm a huge P.G. Wodehouse fan, and I'm mad about boats. I expect the descriptions by Berthon are meant to appeal.

They really, really don't.

Funny a few months ago this subject came up and the consensus was that it was appreciated as being refreshingly different.

 

[dylanwinter]

it was then and still is now

Funny a few months ago this subject came up and the consensus was that it was appreciated as being refreshingly different.

second thread - same subject

good for them

out of my league for boats for ktl though

D

 

[Greenheart]

Clarkson-esque? I think you're doing Berthon a favour there. I mean, I recall Clarkson actually was funny. At least, once.

I always feel ill, reading Madam Berthon's garbage. I just Googled 'Berthon Nauticat', and in seconds I was reading about "funky widgets". No specific mention of the vessel's condition or equipment, just the type of loud, insubstantial froth which TV ads are filled with.

You guys actually like that?

 

[chinita]

The lady in question is the boss and she has been doing her job successfully for many years.

Didn't sell my boat after eighteen months.

I sold it privately after three months.

 

[photodog]

Well I'm a fan. Always a laugh, and better than the dull verbiage of the average awb add... Which of course is the point. When you go to berthon your not buying a awb... Your buying into a dream.
So the adds personalise the boat...
Good on them!

 

[Greenheart]

Some people will swallow anything...

Wow! So many of you, so easily pleased...

Maybe the chap who said earlier that Berthon tones its adverts to its market, was right. I'd hoped no such market existed.

I reckon Berthon's ads are the literary equivalent of mechanically-rendered meat. It's full-bore trash, but very popular!

Happy Hallowe'en. Enjoy your hot-dogs, just don't look closely at what's in 'em!

 

[jonic]

Clarkson-esque? I think you're doing Berthon a favour there. I mean, I recall Clarkson actually was funny. At least, once.

I always feel ill, reading Madam Berthon's garbage. I just Googled 'Berthon Nauticat', and in seconds I was reading about "funky widgets". No specific mention of the vessel's condition or equipment, just the type of loud, insubstantial froth which TV ads are filled with.

You guys actually like that?

For various reasons I'm finding this thread very interesting indeed.

Would you mind doing the same Google but for John Rodriguez Yachts Nauticat and give me your take on what you find?

 

[sighmoon]

Well at least they are more honest than some other brokers, having traveled considerable distances to view boats that had major faults. Even after chatting to the broker to try and get a near honest opinion...

Faults:
Mast step soft: Keel pushed up 3 inche, chatting in the yard I got advised how much the repairs would cost the repairs had already been quoted...

In need of little TLC: should this include cabin liners half replaced bodge job. Cabin sole that floorboards no longer fit (structural?), 2" open hole in the transom (was advised you could sail her away). Toe Rail bent in several places (Starboard side only), minor Refit required was my view.

Good description & inventory: No mention of the fact the front of the keel is pushed down 2", mast step (deck stepped but post under deck) starting to sag, did I mention the cracks round the internal floors and slight raise in aft end of keel? Further boat yard investigation, she may have touched bottom once...

Yes, I found it a bit depressing when we were looking. THey must know that whoever buys it is likely to have a survey, and in any case notice the keel held on with filler at a casual glance - why do they insist I waste my weekend finding out what they already know?

So long as a broker's honest when you press them for details over the phone, I dont care how poorly they write.

With one boat we decided it would just be easier to send a surveyor. The fuel was going to cost a fair price, it was beyond a days drive so had accommodation to consider. We had seen a sister-ship so why not...

Sadly we missed out on that one, will keep looking...

Eventually we did send the surveyor instead of going myself and bought that one unseen on his gushing recommendation.

 

[Danny Jo]

Wow! So many of you, so easily pleased...

Maybe the chap who said earlier that Berthon tones its adverts to its market, was right. I'd hoped no such market existed.

Of course the unusual phrasing of the ads is meaningless. But it is not entirely random rubbish - its appeal (to those that read them and send for the specs) lies in the parody.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that those who read them are more or less likely to get on the phone and ask for the detailed spec because it was "refreshingly", intriguingly, or even irritatingly different (neither am I denying that possibility). I'm saying that the approach is designed to get the punters thinking "At last, a broker that doesn't take itself too seriously."

I read the ad for my boat a couple of months after publication. I had been on the train for three or four hours, it was late, and I was tired and bored. I was in the habit of looking through the "Boats for Sale" pages but I would not normally give a second glance to the pages taken by posh brokers, because most of their stuff was for people on a different financial planet. What caught my eye (in much the way that, for me at least, the word "naked" jumps out from all the other words of a page of plain text) were the words "funky", "tandem" and "Collins". I had no clear idea then, nor do I now, have any idea what funky means, but I knew exactly what was meant by the other two, because I had sailed with Warwick Collins, the designer, in Danny Jo's sister ship two or three years earlier. Back home, I checked the Berthon website and, quelle domage, she wasn't listed. The boat of my dreams must have been sold to someone else. But I phoned Berthon in the morning just the same and got "No, she's still for sale. Sorry about the website, I'll get that put right". (With me thinking, NO! please don't put her on the website.) The spec arrived by email listing all the features and inventory, and I was on the train to Lymington two days later.

The broker raised an eyebrow when I introduced him to Warwick and handed me the keys with the comment that he was sure that we would prefer to be left to poke around without him. He was right. I spent most of my time taking photographs (bilges, engine, steering gear, keel-hull joint, rudder etc) because I recognized that the sensation that swept over me as I climbed down the companion-way steps (this is the boat for me) would prevent me from spotting any flaws.

The broker had to work hard over the next few weeks reconciling the disparate views of the vendor and the purchaser vis-a-vis the value of the "extras". Like many vendors, I suspect he was trying to recover not just a fair proportion of his purchase price of nine years earlier, but also much of what he had spent on her over that time ('new' gel batteries only four years ago, brand new unused high-cut foresail [still unused today] respray two years ago, new VHF radio this year [DSC, no less! - sorry, no tongue-in-cheek smiley], 'new' fully-battened main, only, er, four years old, etc).

 

[[2068]]

I've read the magazine, and it did make me smile when browsing through it.

I suppose the varying reaction depends on what you think the language is trying to achieve.

In my case, I was thinking "Although over the top and somewhat daft, I'm thinking that if I were to contact them, it might be someone who was less bland than average with enthusiasm for what they are selling".

I've never had any actual dealings with them, other than using their visitors berths a few times, so I've no idea if that impression is wrong or not!