scared fiancee - please help.

[sea]

Hi, i originally came to this forum to ask for help with engine troubles i was having, turned out that it was actually a case of the wrong engineer (cowboy) who was simply trying to get us to replace our engine for a brand new one. Cost 7k. This was made clear to me by several users of the forum, one of which i believe to be taking legal action against the company. During this time the engineer made a point of telling my fiancee a number of times that our boat was too old and not suitable for our plans.

(http://www.westcountryyachts.com/) - this is the accused.

It appears that these comments have never left her mind. We own a 1983 Colvic UFO 34 and are planning our great escape to Greece to start a windsurf centre. We are both young, myself 21 - misses 24. I have been on the water ALL of my life, and although i am not a yacht master i know i have the skills to make the trip. Unfortunately she has lost confidence in our boat and has little experience of sailing. I don't blame her as the engine failure left us with no option but to put a pan call in to HMCG to be recovered.

All members of the CG (amazing people) insisted that it was one of those things and we did everything 100% by the book and were very friendly - and in my experience of personally recovering other vessels and kayaks in distress they are normally appear slightly displeased to be called out for something that can be easily avoided and are quick to make that point.

I would like to pose the simple question, would you make the trip in a boat of this age. It is in amazing condition and structurally sound. Or would you be kind enough to reassure her that we have a good tub and god willing it will take us where we want to go?

Have you made the trip in a similar boat? I am the first to admit being a fair weather sailor as our boat is now our home and something i would always choose paying marina fee's over sloppy weather. It would simply be nice to hear of some other boat owners doing something similar.

Look forward to your comments.

 

[Doghousekeeper]

Are you going through the canals or across Biscay?

 

[Marsupial]

As long as you're careful and prepared you should have no problems, the boat will take more punishment than you can - just try to arrange things so you dont have to find out how much that is.

If the boat is well maintained with sensible levels of kit then there is no reason why it wont make it. Its not age that makes the difference its condition that matters.

To put her mind at ease ask the RNLI for their opinion with the sea safe scheme, it mabe that they suggest some modifications but at least the advice will be objective.

 

[sea]

Thanks

We will be doing the bay, i have done it 3 times before on yacht deliveries so i know exactly how bad it can be.

I have spent a huge amount of money and time replacing almost every bit of kit on the boat down to the dan bouy in preparation (probably would have been cheaper to buy AWB!. Thanks for the RNLI suggestion, i think this will be a very sensible option and one that i have overlooked until now. I have taken the boat through some sloppy weather and trust it 100%, but i do understand how easy it can be for someone with little experience to get scared, and the last thing i need is to put her off for life!

I have been told that we have a good boat by reputation, of course this is all down to condition, but the survey backs up my opinion of the boat being in top notch condition. I assume we will be slightly out of place as we already are in most UK marina's, but that aside, with some sensible sailing i dont see why we should have any mojor issues. Thanks for your advice and i am keen to hear from any other colvic owners, or owners of slightly older boats.

My intention being to instill some confidence in her and her abilities. She has found her sea legs and the sickness tablets are a thing of the past now, so i think things are heading in the right direction. would it be advisable to find a 3rd crew member or is 2 people on board sufficient (with some more experience)

We have and are continuing to tour the south and east coast to build up that experience. As i believe if you can navigate the british isles you are a step ahead for a longer passage.

 

[Litotes]

My intention being to instill some confidence in her and her abilities. She has found her sea legs and the sickness tablets are a thing of the past now, so i think things are heading in the right direction. would it be advisable to find a 3rd crew member or is 2 people on board sufficient (with some more experience)

Unless you are a well experienced solo sailor with some longish single handed passages under your belt I would certainly think a third crew member would be helpful, especially if your fiancee isn't a confident watch keeper. And what will she do in the middle of Biscay if you are incapacitated? It can happen.

But the fact is that being the skipper, whether on a day trip up the coast or across Biscay, requires that you have the confidence in yourself to make and take responsibility for every judgment and every decision involved. If you need to ask these questions here then maybe you are not ready yet to take off. As you obviously know yourself, lots more experience looks like the best plan - and go when you have tested and have confidence in yourselves and each other.

Good luck.

 

[sea]

Yes i could not agree more, i have done biscay 3 times in J-109's with 2 people on board and been through some scary stuff in the process. But of course we were both experienced. I was hoping to be on the way by now but due to the lack of confidence issue we are putting it off until spring which should give us both plenty of time to test each-other as mentioned. Delay's with the legalities of the land and equipment are actually a god send as it gives us plenty more time.

Sounds strange but i would be happier doing it single handed and getting her to fly but this is something that i would never be able to suggest as it defeats the object.

I think the best route to go down is to get her some formal RYA training, not so much so she has the piece of paper, but more to boost her confidence in her own abilities. At the end of the day i've got to watch out for the future in laws!

I don't feel pressure or worried about my abilities but i am worried about having a less experienced sailor to look after (whom i care about!), if anything went wrong i would never forgive myself. So indirectly i have answered my own question, I feel if we spent some more time at sea in the UK she will trust the boat as much as i do. Colvic's are often describes as Brick (you know what) Houses after all.

Cheers

 

[jonjo]

During this time the engineer made a point of telling my fiancee a number of times that our boat was too old and not suitable for our plans.

You need to give his opinion some consideration because unless he was trying to sell you a replacement boat from his brokerage stock, what was his motivation for the doom and gloom?

Spending money on visible new safety goodies won't make a yacht suitable for serious offshore cruising. The things that can put you in serious trouble are failure of the rudder or steering connections, fatigue in rig castings, unexpected departure of the prop shaft, major engine failure that cause the thing to fill the bilges before you can identify the source of the leak.

I would disregard the characters who pass by and say "them, there Ufo's are the bees kness". Blind faith in a once respected yachting marque can put you in serious trouble if a succession of things fail due to wear and tear. You need to be confident in the mechanical details of your specific boat.

Having said all that I'd say go for it. You are doing the right thing with your current coastal confidence building cruise and must have clocked up a few 100 miles by now. Keep extending your confidence horizon with the boat.

If time allows this season, get south. In your girl friend's mind there is probably a physiological barrier between UK coast hopping and heading south over the horizon. So coast hop down to SW Brittany, then you will be easing yourself into the Bay and she'll realize the waves are much the same shape or even nicer.

As you get south you will meet up with other young budget adventurers which will allow your girlfriend to see that people like her are doing the same in older boats like yours.

 

[jonjo]

No don't take a 3rd person, it could cause social tensions in a smallish boat and will also diminish the sense of achievement over what you have done as a couple.

 

[sea]

You need to give his opinion some consideration because unless he was trying to sell you a replacement boat from his brokerage stock, what was his motivation for the doom and gloom?

Spending money on visible new safety goodies won't make a yacht suitable for serious offshore cruising. The things that can put you in serious trouble are failure of the rudder or steering connections, fatigue in rig castings, unexpected departure of the prop shaft, major engine failure that cause the thing to fill the bilges before you can identify the source of the leak.

I would disregard the characters who pass by and say "them, there Ufo's are the bees kness". Blind faith in a one respected yachting marque can put you serious trouble if a succession of things fail due to wear and tear. You need to be confident in the mechanical details of your specific boat.

Having said all that I'd say go for it. You are doing the right thing with your current coastal confidence building cruise and must have clocked up a few 100 miles by now. Keep extending your confidence horizon with the boat.

If time allows this season, get south. In your girl friend's mind there is probably a physiological barrier between UK coast hopping and heading south over the horizon. So coast hop down to SW Brittany, then you will be easing yourself into the Bay and she'll realize the waves are much the same shape or even nicer.

As you get south you will meet up with other young budget adventurers which will allow your girlfriend to see that people like her are doing the same in older boats like yours.

Thanks for the input, much appreciated and makes much sense.
I always have the same issue when taking to the water in any boat that is new to me, trust in the thing. I agree that saying UFO's are great is pretty pointless as it wont stop the prop shaft falling out.

With regards to the engineer, he was simply trying to scam me out of my hard earned boat fund. You will find the post i made appealing for help back in july on the forum. http://www.ybw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=208822

I was advised by several users to steer clear as he had done the same to them. We have done 375 miles now. And confidence grows everytime, the misses is now hopping on and off with the lines like she's a natural. And as mentioned she has found her sea legs.

I agree with the psychological side of things - i think i may too be suffering from this as the plan is now reality and i am feeling quite responsible for the both of our safety (rightly so). But i may have underestimated the impact this would have on me.

Also we are not so much budget adventurers but more looking to start a new life. We have a business ready to go and have more of a goal than simply getting to the med, this is after all for a purpose - never coming back!

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single turn of the prop. I think you are right, we will feel much better as soon as we get the first few under our belt with no mishaps (touch wood)

 

[Aeolus]

Persuading your fiancee

If your fiancee is worried about the boat then, as per your original post, you need to find stories of great voyages by similar boats - surely someone has crossed the atlantic/circumnavigated/survived a hurricane.... If you can find such stories, then that may help, especially if you have upgraded/replaced all the kit.

If she is worried about the engine, then you need to find an engineer you can trust to survey/overhaul the engine and give you an opinion you both will trust.

If she doubts your ability to skipper the voyage, then that's a bigger problem and you'll need to do a series of shorter trips to prove yourself.

If she is worried about her abilities, then perhaps some training to build her skills/confidence - e.g. day skipper. Plus some shorter trips where she skippers and you crew.

 

[sea]

If your fiancee is worried about the boat then, as per your original post, you need to find stories of great voyages by similar boats - surely someone has crossed the atlantic/circumnavigated/survived a hurricane.... If you can find such stories, then that may help, especially if you have upgraded/replaced all the kit.

If she is worried about the engine, then you need to find an engineer you can trust to survey/overhaul the engine and give you an opinion you both will trust.

If she doubts your ability to skipper the voyage, then that's a bigger problem and you'll need to do a series of shorter trips to prove yourself.

If she is worried about her abilities, then perhaps some training to build her skills/confidence - e.g. day skipper. Plus some shorter trips where she skippers and you crew.

Yep agreed, she has no probs with reliability issues engine wise, she just simply isnt used to being at sea, and the comment that the boat is too old has stuck with her, especially as we are surrounded by AWB's. I think we will make a skipper out of her yet. She does trust my skipper skills as far as i know, as apart from the above mentioned incident everything since has been plain sailing.

We are coming out of the water shortly to go through everything with a fine tooth comb. I think if we both get stuck in and use our good engineer to service and overhaul the lump that will help us, as he is an honest man and would have no probs telling us no to do it.

I would like to hear from some who have done similar trips in a similar/older boat. thanks again

 

[jonjo]

I agree with the psychological side of things - i think i may too be suffering from this as the plan is now reality

I know that feeling very well. 10 years ago to the month I decided to cycle north-south across France. The whole scheme went from concept to ferry crossing in 2 weeks and I got so wrapped up in the planning I did not have time to face up to the reality of the challenge.

I still remember the "oh sh!t" feeling when I peddled off the end of the ferry ramp in St. Malo and contemplated the next 500 miles. One month later I boarded the Portsmouth bound ferry in Bilbao a lot fitter and ready to do it again. My plan had been to end up on the Med coast of France but as the weather deteriorated I curtailed my adventure by a few hundred miles and headed to North Spain.

So do it but be flexible.

Don't feel committed to any major objective, take each day as it comes. There are many things worse than holing up in La Rochelle or Royan for the winter but try to get around the Raz in the next two weeks.

 

[sea]

Well done you! that is commitment.

I am not shy of the fact that we ARE going to Greece, and there are tin things flying around the sky that we could hop on anytime. That will always be an option. You described exactly my point, as i said a long term plan is now reality. I have sold my 45 cruiser, cars and toys in general to set off, making sure the UK has nothing for me after we leave. And then it suddenly dawns on you Sh!t i am actually doing this!

 

[sea]

.

Don't feel committed to any major objective, take each day as it comes. There are many things worse than holing up in La Rochelle or Royan for the winter but try to get around the Raz in the next two weeks.

Funny you say that, i have spent many weeks in La rochelle and its on the charts as a week or two stay. La Tranche is one of my fav places in france as the windsurfing is very good. The isle de rai is beautiful too.

 

[KINGFISHER 9]

Change your fiancee.

 

[sea]

Change your fiancee.

LOL not exactly the advice i was looking for (she's a stunner!)

 

[jonjo]

i have spent many weeks in La rochelle and its on the charts as a week or two stay. La Tranche is one of my fav places in france as the windsurfing is very good. The isle de rai is beautiful too.

For inspiration have a read of the YBWer Carol Wildbird blog, she is 3 months ahead of you going south along the French coast. Her crew is also maintaining a blog which has some excellent photos I recall. ( I am the racy looking Bavaria two boats behind in the photo where Carol describes her Arzal lock mishap).

 

[sea]

For inspiration have a read of the YBWer Carol Wildbird blog, she is 3 months ahead of you going south along the French coast. Her crew is also maintaining a blog which has some excellent photos I recall. ( I am the racy looking Bavaria two boats behind in the photo where she describes her Arzal lock mishap).

SHOULD AV GUESSED! A BAV OWNER!

(thanks, im looking now)

 

[sea]

For inspiration have a read of the YBWer Carol Wildbird blog, she is 3 months ahead of you going south along the French coast. Her crew is also maintaining a blog which has some excellent photos I recall. ( I am the racy looking Bavaria two boats behind in the photo where Carol describes her Arzal lock mishap).

Been reading for 5 mins and totally absorbed! amazing blog. Worth a look to anyone. \

http://art-of-remembering.typepad.com/wildbird/2009/09/index.html

 

[DavidTav]

Maybe she is right 1983 is a long time ago!