Piles

[claymore]

May I introduce falorum members everywhere to the instant relief and general feeling of bonhomie brought on by the application of Green PileWort ointment for all those whose bum tends to react in a negative manner to sitting on damp grp decks?
DearHeart did offer to apply the medication but my respect for her coupled with a certain concern for the look she had on her as she made this offer concluded me to decline the offer and go for the diy option.
DearHeart is something of an alchemist (part-time and entirely voluntary amateur capacity) and has in the past brought relief to various parts of my person through appropriate applications of slippery elm, tea-tree, lavender and hemlock. She says I've never looked so well.

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Claymore
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[Sybarite]

When I saw the title I was wondering if you could moor to them...

When I read a bit further - recollections of Jimi's holding tank..


John

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[claymore]

I've heard of these mooring piles and of people going stern to. Fortunately mine have never been so big as to be able to do this and I feel very sorry for all those people who can. I recommend the Green Pilewort ointment but fear they may have left things a little late....

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Claymore
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[longjohnsadler]

As landscape architects and nurserymen, we are sometimes asked to help. Clients request Bog Asphodel, Lad's Love, London Pride, Naked Ladies or Self-Heal. If all else fails, we are able to supply Red Hot Pokers.
All items can be supplied at a discount.

Regards,

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[ParaHandy]

Re: Weel ..........

… ye will run aroond in yer grundies

There was a man of education
Who took some medication
It were proscribed by his dear wife
and when imbibed near cost his life
To avoid a dose, he’d run many a mile
Which is quite far for a man wi’ piles



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[davidhand]

Re: Weel ..........

She was only the piermaster's daughter, but she had dirty green slime on her piles.


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[claymore]

Fragrant Bleach

Of forum rules - advertising like that. Brigand has not been seen since and I guess our paid holiday is goosed. If Doris reads this thats your business stuffed too!
Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
If Doris dont get you
Hollamby must.

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Claymore
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[Twister_Ken]

A surfeit of information

What with your piles and your fouled stern gear, I'm beginning to feel I know you as well as your proctologist. I met him once, and he was a trifle aggrieved when I told him you always referred to him as a bum doctor.

Apropos haemorrhoids I guess wearing a kilt might both exacerbate the problem, and make applying the remedy easier: a self-sustaining condition.

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[claymore]

Re: A surfeit of information

Jes as long as youse is goin' commando - wi nae grundies.
Ra wee wifie says ah've fergitten tae mention ra ragwort which she swears is fer ma complekshin - disnae taste too weel bu' ef et keeps her smilin - wha'm ah tae complain an'a'?
Kenny - whits a' thes surfeit - ets summer man, ye shudnae be wearin' yer surfit noo - ye'll catch yer deeth when winter comes - think o ra benefit - which reminds me - ah'd beter be aff an get it collected.
Kenny - whits green an gets yer pished? Yer Giro! (Tha's funny tha')

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Claymore
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