Nationality - For the Ladies .. ?

[Divemaster1]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone "brother"
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do

AHM

 

[boatone]

This is not even remotely a boaty post although I spose you could make some obscure references to walking on water/fishermen/parting the seas etc etc. However, in a fit of no doubt misplaced kindness for which I am sure to be castigated by all those you upset earlier, here is a little story that can result in adequate thread drift to save your bacon............

.Man is trapped on a desert island sinking into the sea. As the water laps around his feet a small boat suddenly approaches. "Get in!" says the boatman.
"No," the man says. "I have faith in Jesus - he will save me!"
So the boat goes on and the water continues to rise.

When the water reaches the man's chest another boat appears.
"Get in or you'll drown!" says the boatman.
"No," the man says again. "I have faith in Jesus - he will save me!"
The boat departs and the water rises up to the man's chin.

A third boat appears.
"This is your last chance," cries the boatman. "Get in!"
"No!" says the man. "Jesus will save me."
The boat departs, the water continues to rise and the man is drowned.

Arriving in Heaven he is greeted by Jesus.
"I don't believe it," says the man. "I trusted in you but you let me drown!"
"YOU don't believe it!" says Jesus. "I sent three f***ing boats to try and save you! and you told em all to b*gg*r off........"


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[Robin2]

He clearly wasn't Irish using that sort of language - (b*gg*er)

 

[paulineb]

does f***ing boats = fishing boats? and if so, why couldn't you type it without the asterisks ?

Pxx

 

[jimi]

A Scotsman, an Italian, and an Irishman are in a bar. They
are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place
Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but
where I come from, back in Glasgee, there's a better one. At
MacDougal's, ye buy a drink, ye buy another drink, and MacDougal
himself will buy yir third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a
good place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah, dat's a nice-a bar, but where I
come from, dere's a better one. In Roma, dere's dis place, Vincenzo's.
At Vincenzo's, you buy a drinka, Vincenzo buys you a drinka. You buy
anudda drinka, Vincenzo buys you anudda drinka."
Everyone that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You tink dat's great? Where Oi
come from in Dublin, dere's dis place called Morphy's. At Morphy's,
they boi you your first drink, dey boi you yer second drink, den dey
boi you yer tird drink, and den, after all dat, dey take you out de
back and get you laid!" Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did
that actually happen to you?"
No," says the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!

 

[byron]

Mistake on the Irish equation... Jesus did take a wife and had kids too. Come to think of it I might be one of his descendants /forums/images/icons/wink.gif Problem is I ain't Jewish

http://www.alexander-advertising.co.uk

 

[Col]

Golden oldy?

Paddy, shipwrecked on a desert island, when a boat comes floating by.........

..........So he smashes it up to make a raft !!

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