How would you make a fresh start with 130K and no house!

[jordanbasset]

Thanks for the feedback, I have just been running it all past my wife whilst also trying to help her with her future position - it's not so easy for her as she cannot move jobs so easily! It's all very amicable you see and I would help with the kids and see them regularly - school runs, some evenings etc. I think we would both be happier, we have known each other for years and it's time to move on.

Living on a boat isn't about having a new toy, i would much rather live in a house, it's about living cheaply or being able to free up some cash.

I agree about taking out a lease, not an ideal way to do it making a landlord wealthy whilst he has the option to pull the rug out from under a business you have slogged away to make successful.

Agree also about the prospect of buying or even leasing machinery at first to cope with larger contracts perhaps - these commercial mowers start at 15K

I will definitely look into buy to let deals also, you never know there may be a way of doing it.

Chichester marina do take liveabaords and have space, just need to write to the manager for permission. We have to do up the house first which could take a few months (making a large room into two with a stud wall etc).

Have to say I am quite excited by the whole change/challenge.

Good luck with whatever you decide you do have a positive attitude which helps. When myself and my first wife divorced it was also amicable and a straight split 50% each, worked out well for both of us.

 

[Zagato]

That's good to hear, you only ever seem to hear about the horrible divorces. Luckily we are both very independent people it's just a matter of sorting out the logistics and eventually telling the kids in the right way. They are used to me being away on the boat and away on other hobbies for lengthy periods so I don't think it will impact on them too much if it's handled right...

 

[Richard10002]

BUY YOUR HOME!!! JUST DO IT!!!

Use the rest of the money to buy a van and mobile gardening gear, and become a mobile gardener - if that's what you do.

No costs when not working. If good you should never be without work.

 

[Zagato]

Buy her out you mean, I think from reading the thread you will have gathered neither of us could afford to buy each other out No, mortgage free is the way I want it and have to have it anyway and yes I have been a successful gardener for 8 years so already have the equipment. Buying machinery to chase large contracts maybe the way forward though.

We have just discussed how to split cars etc and need to see a solicitor to fill out a form of intent (recording formerly how it will all be split apparently). Have to say now we have decided to go ahead with the split, I am very excited about a new life, we have tended to stifle each other over recent years, not purposefully it has just happened.

I won't get married again but it will be nice to have female friends with conversation, that want to try different things/challenges, rather than just having coffee with the girls. I'm looking forward to going out to the pubs, theatre, orchestras etc and getting a social life back. I am very content on my own but to get out for a change with good company will be lovely.

 

[concentrik]

I sense in you a need to do something, a need for purpose; this is something I too have experienced. You will get lots of advice, especially since you seem to be the kind of man who is not afraid to ask for it.... here's mine!

Thirty years is a very long time, especially formative when spanning the early to middle years. Take care not to underestimate the effect of separation after this length of time. At the moment you are still together even though you are planning to be otherwise - expect more emotional upheaval than you bargained for when you begin living apart! You'll doubtless be working at maintaining emotionally nourishing relationships with your children and holding them through their own distress. They are likely to tell you they're fine about it all... they're not; they will need your steadiness to sustain them. Be wary of transferring from one highly structured life straight into another during a time of flux. Major decisions (house/flat/boat buying, moving abroad, new relationships) can wait until you're ready to take them with a balanced perspective. You'll come to know yourself a lot better quite quickly - use this knowledge to inform those important decisions. You might want to think about renting a room/small flat to allow you to continue as you are workwise, getting used to your newfound singleness first and adapting to the changes. I cannot walk a single yard in your shoes of course, all this comes from staggering around in mine - feel free to apply salt liberally.

 

[Budgieboy]

Couldnt agree more , had a 25yr marriage , when we split I was told it would take 10% of the time you are together to get over it , get yourself back on track and to find yourself again , best bit of advice I have ever had !, spent a couple of years trying to find out what I actually wanted to do with myself ........ as for the kids they will feel it , one of mine had a bit of a breakdown over it and she was 18 at the time ......... it's a huge thing do not underestimate it ..........

 

[Zagato]

Thanks for the replies but I don't think anyone can advise on other peoples relationships, especially if they don't know them. Neither of us are very emotional people I'm afraid, we are both quite independant. We have never been the luvved up/reliant on each other type and are more like two work colleagues just getting on with it at the moment but without the office politics. There is no urgency in all this it will take 2-3 months to do up the house for sale which also gives time to really research options. You maybe misreading my excitement as urgency but there is no need to jump into anything. I do like to have a plan however which is the advice I was really hoping for and have received largely by pm.

 

[SHUG]

Coming late to this post I would suggest that you prioritise housing.
As you are aged 47 I am afraid that you will quickly run out of "mortgageable years" so you should get a move on and buy what you can, and possibly take on a renovation project.
Unless you are drawn to strongly global cruising,you should be able to get lots of sailing both home and abroad just by letting it be known that you are a competent sailor. When the time comes you can then let your property to provide the income required to go cruising full-time.
Thats not far off from what I did but, whatever you do I wish you success and contentment.

 

[Deleted User YDKXO]

I'm also late to this thread but well done for being brave enough to air your situation on the forum. IMHO, your first priority is to get a home close to where your kids will be living, wherever that may be. At 7 and 9yrs old, they will need their dad as much as their mum. I'm not sure what £130k buys in the area but you've got to get a place which is tidy enough such that your ex won't kick up a fuss about allowing you to have the kids and it's got to have an extra bedroom for them of course. Some might disagree but IMHO in the long term property is always a good investment in the UK so I would encourage you to buy rather than rent. It might sound attractive to live on the boat and buy a property to rent for income but ask yourself whether your ex will allow your kids to visit you on the boat and whether they would want to? As I say your priority should be to get a place where the kids will want to stay with you. If that means selling the boat to realise a bit more cash for the house then, sorry, so be it. You'll have plenty of time later when the kids have flown the nest to sell the house and sail off into the sunset. With regard to income, all I can say is that we've always found it difficult to find good gardening companies. Anybody who can offer competent and knowledgeable gardening services is worth their weight in gold around our way. So I would encourage you to give the gardening company a go, especially if you can get a property and stay mortgage free. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out

 

[DoubleEnder]

Be close to the kids, wherever they are. I was lucky and got a place almost next door to their school, so they could always drop in, eat my biscuits and apples and eventually drink my beer. It was more by luck than judgement to be honest, but that sort of casual contact is worth a huge amount, way more than formal arrangements. And you get to meet their mates etc... So you stay really part of their lives. If you can do something like that I strongly recommend it.
Also, do some work that you can put yourself in to, whether that's for money, satisfaction, exercise, social good... Work is good for us, sadly.
Boat comes last. You can sail with mates, schools, clubs, charities. Boats, houses, money...they all come and go. Time only goes. Spend some with the sprogs, you will be glad

 

[andyjcox1]

Hi Zagato,

First off, I won't comment on your personal situation as you have said already, no one will know more than you what is right on that front. I do have some first hand knowledge of being a child from a family that split at a similar age, and my father had a boat though so can understand what you may be facing.

Regarding what to do with 130k and no house, personally I would rent in the short term near your kids. You will need the least amount of stress and complication possible, so a nice rental where you feel happy and comfortable, with a spare room/s could be paid for out of the £130k without depleting it too much, and stick the rest in savings. You can then focus on building the business, and spending time with your kids, boating and just enjoying life. Do things that make yourself and your kids happy, then worry about buying. I don't think £130k would go very far if you want to be mortgage free. Maybe build the business in order to afford a small mortgage later on. I think you already have a boat, some of my fondest memories are spending time with my dad on the boat, so if your kids enjoy it too, remember this may be a great way to spend time together and not just a guilty pleasure for yourself.

Good luck on your new adventure.

 

[Sybarite]

Thanks for the replies but I don't think anyone can advise on other peoples relationships, especially if they don't know them. Neither of us are very emotional people I'm afraid, we are both quite independant. We have never been the luvved up/reliant on each other type and are more like two work colleagues just getting on with it at the moment but without the office politics. There is no urgency in all this it will take 2-3 months to do up the house for sale which also gives time to really research options. You maybe misreading my excitement as urgency but there is no need to jump into anything. I do like to have a plan however which is the advice I was really hoping for and have received largely by pm.

FWIW. Your first priority now should be to establish an income flow. With the capital you will get, in reality it won't allow many options. If you believe that there is a future in your gardening business, why not first get a part-time job to provide the bread and butter and use the other half to develop your business. Whatever, you will find yourself working 200% to get started. If sailing is a passion, you may need to think in terms of dinghies for a few years until you get yourself sorted out.

 

[AntarcticPilot]

This is advice given rather hesitantly, and you may well have reason to discount it.

I have known several people seriously into Garden design/garden maintenance. One was a Kew trained horticulturist; an other has exhibited at Chelsea; the last had been head gardener at a Cambridge college before leaving to have children. The former had a flourishing business - until times got financially harder (in the early 90s, a comparatively mild recession, not the latest crash). At that point, suddenly garden maintenance (his mainstay) simply disappeared, as people suddenly found that they could operate a lawn-mower, after all! From employing two people, he went down to a one-man band, and even with commercial contracts for grounds maintenance, he barely made ends meet. Sadly, he died (of natural causes) before times got better, and left his wife and child in a difficult situation. The lady who has exhibited at Chelsea, despite being well thought of and having her gardens featured on TV (I think on Grand Designs. or something similar), has failed to grow her business beyond herself and occasional casual labour.

The bottom line is that garden maintenance/design is not a "must have", it's a "nice to have" for most people. There is also strong competition on price - there's usually a fit pensioner who will turn his/her hand to a bit of gardening, and who doesn't want to earn too much for fear of affecting benefits! And when times are hard, it's something people dispense with pretty quickly and easily. I myself have employed a gardener when I could afford it, but it was an early casualty of tightened belts! She was the former head gardener at a Cambridge college; her rates were only £10 an hour. An equivalent professional in almost any other field would have been able to charge several times that - think what is charged for relatively unskilled labour by marinas! My friend with the Kew qualifications kept going because he had contracts to maintain grounds for companies; if he'd relied on private work, he'd have gone bankrupt quickly when times got harder.

If I were you, I'd look into using your management skills, rather than relying on gardening.

 

[NickRobinson]

Hi Zagato

sorry to hear.

Are you teacher or YW qualified? I went into supply.

I'm an involuntarily ex YW manager too who had to make similar choices and chose to stay close so the children could walk to me/mums/school.

The split was ten years before my job went so I'm not worrying to much financially as the dust has settled.

I'd been in business years previously and it was not easy or well paid (as .I was not very good at it?). The salary cheque made me soft afterwards.

The gardening, if fun, is ok but may never pay your petrol unless you have key skills and contacts. Remember Reggie Perrin before he created 'Grot'?

Thinking of your previous work, are there no opportunities for creating a business? IAG, Outdoor Ed? Pru? Minibus transport? Office stationery? Ed Psych? Consultancy? Training? IT Facilities management (including grounds maintenance)?

Got a teachers or LG pension? A very valuable asset- don't let anyone get their hands on it-

Nick

 

[Zagato]

Thanks for your Replies yes I am a qualified YW with a degree and was at senior level with 80 staff. Had enough of that thanks and gained control of my life with gardening and run a successful business doing commercial and private gardens starting at £20 per hour (same salary as my old job). I also went into garden design with staff but the returns you make for the extra hassle are not worth it. I have found people always need their hedges cut and lawns mowed so I have been able to make create a stress free, flexible vocation over recent years.

Providing a necessary service is always better than trying to gain new clients each week or sell items for income, unless the Rubix cube ,akes a come back! My work is already set I just turn up when I want and do my hours. Felling trees this afternoon with a bonfire and a flask. As a one man band however in a physically reliant job, age implicatinos are worse than most careers but many do garden into their 60's you just charge less and do less physical work. I am already learning to decline the tougher jobs (grubbing out hedges etc by hand!)

HOWEVER

This thread has served it's purpose in one way. My wife read it and realised how final it was all becoming and the consequences of separating, especially for the children. She has actually opened up for once and we are going for a fresh start. We have only had two days off together in the last 10 years without the kids by ourselves and both of those involved sailing which she doesn't particularly like. Weeks of speculation and stress are finally over, it's a load of finally and it took the YBW marriage counselling forum to settle things - thanks for the replies folks.

 

[1bobt]

Good for you... Both

 

[AntarcticPilot]

Providing a necessary service is always better than trying to gain new clients each week or sell items for income, unless the Rubix cube ,akes a come back! My work is already set I just turn up when I want and do my hours. Felling trees this afternoon with a bonfire and a flask. As a one man band however in a physically reliant job, age implicatinos are worse than most careers but many do garden into their 60's you just charge less and do less physical work. I am already learning to decline the tougher jobs (grubbing out hedges etc by hand!)

First of all, I am really pleased that you and your wife are talking and looking at ways forward. I hope very much that you can resolve your differences, and plan a mutually satisfactory way forward.

However, I'd challenge your statement that garden services are a "necessary service" in any shape or form. My friend's business pretty much foundered on that issue - many of his clients found that he wasn't providing a "necessary service" when their disposable income declined. And my other friend has found that even if you are nationally acclaimed for your work, people aren't usually willing to pay highly for it! Commercial contracts saved the former friend from utter ruin, but the volume of work declined to about a third of it's peak when times got somewhat harder.

I'm amazed you can get £20 an hour; round here (East Anglia), you'd be doing well to get £15; the most I've ever paid - about 4 years ago - was £11 an hour for a qualified professional. I'd be surprised if it's much higher now; the economic circumstances haven't changed. As I said, it's the pensioner wanting to earn pocket money that keeps prices low round here; I could probably have got someone for general garden mowing and tidying for a fiver an hour in the black economy.

 

[Zagato]

Thanks AP.

I should clarify the statement of 'necessary service', it is to my clients who use me of course e.g. people who are eldery, inexperienced, wealthy, share the cost as they live in manors split into flats or simply havn't got the machinery to maintain their grounds. There are many out there that 'have' to have their lawns/grounds mowed, hedges cut, plants maintained, ponds/fish etc looked after and fences fixed.

I am lucky to live in an area where clients were not affected by the recession. Many are high earners living in 800K - 3 mil properties, update their Audie's, Range Rover's frequently and think nothing of spending 6K on garden furniture There are two 3 bed terraced houses in town, up for sale for 500k - crazy but it's all about your postcode around here to get into the '"right" schools.

A lot don't have the time or inclination to maintain their spread. My sister is an example of this. She has 4 acres but about 10 years ago bought a 15K John Deer ride on mower for one of her gardeners as her husband just doesn't have the time - wish I had a client like her... er maybe not :nonchalance: Thinking about it, she has another gardener for her 2nd home in Mylor. These types of clients are great as you become a good trusted family friend, are not looked down upon and allowed to do what you like within reason. You actually have more power than the client as they lose their privacy and control/ownership almost of their garden... sorry waffling, just had a mulled wine - hick!

My idea of expansion was to invest in mowers etc for larger contracts but commercial contracts are short term and risky to maintain when new people put lowers bids in than you (the bid is often too low and they fold but you have still lost the work). Proper commercial mowers are 20K plus so you can lose out big time. I found the opposite to your friends experience. It was my commercial contracts which suffered, whilst my private clients remained solid.

Don't be amazed about £20 per hour, it starts at £16.50 around here for a decent gardener (not kid or old man) and of course you sometimes price for the job. Best I have done is £1000 in a long day and one of my commercial contracts works out at £90 per hour. Not bragging just giving examples, it's a bit different to East Anglia generally I'm sure.

 

[Ninpo]

Chichester is pretty pricey!
I live in Chi now (only renting w/swmbo) while I work and study (just started a mathematics & physics degree with the OU), would still love to get aboard one day... always been a dream of mine and I've been knocking about YBW for some years now on-and-off.

I just cant ever see swmbo going for the liveabord lifestyle :S