How to get your wife to come

[Guest]

All over this and other sailing forums, this is the most common pre-occupation of the family sailors. It might be more politely expressed as 'How to get your wife to like it@ which for most of the weedy young generation is perhaps a more achievable aim.

The title of this thread was one of the titles we first proposed for Sell Up and Sail, but Phoebe Mason, the commissioning editor observed drily that we did not want the book confined to the medical shelves.

Now this is the main problem that husbands have to resolve if they are to have a happy family sailing experience, be it day sailing, weekending or long term.

You presumably studied your wife's psyche before proposing? No? Idiot.

Women like sailing just as much as men. What they do not like is to be condemned to go below and produce a four course meal while beating into a force six while all the others are bouncing about on deck.

Let her take the helm while you cook.

I can say this with a clear conscience because I got stick tonight for not doing just that. Ah well. It still goes pear-shaped occasionally, even after 55 years of crewing together.


William Cooper

 

[Gerry]

maybe ask- 'how was it for you dear!'

 

[paulineb]

Mr B does all the cooking on our boat and we share the helm - it makes the earth move for me !!

Pxx

 

[Chris_Stannard]

We have a one in four routine, she does one and I do four.

I agree with the cooking and helming bit, my wife cannot cook at sea if we are being pushed around a bit. It doesn't bother me (no sense no feeling) so I get the lunch.

The other problem I have observed, with a couple I sailed with some years ago, was that the wife did not trust the husband's judgement, and after a couple of days neither did I. She expressed this as not liking sailing, but was more than happy to sail with her son, who was competent. Can this be a lot of the answer, if you have worked hard at your skills and do not put your boat and your wife into jeopardy they are happy.

Chris Stannard

 

[webcraft]

This has to get my vote as the most risque thread title yet . . .

- Nick

BlueMoment.Com
<a href="http://www.bluemoment.com">http://www.bluemoment.com</a>

 

[cgull]

My partner (F,i am a M) usually crews with me because (i think) the majority of my crew is other nice females.........

So, old boys,invite a few Bimbos along. (but dont poach mine)

 

[BrianJ]

What about your girlfriend..
BrianJ

 

[mtb]

Re: OOOOOOHHHH what better than

Choclate.

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/boats
I want a big steel ex trawler / tug v/cheep or swap for tug

 

[Guest]

If your wife doesn't like going below because she gets sea sick while down there, the answer is simple.

Sail a catamaran instead and experience the difference. Suddenly, you will realise that whilst whoever is inside the saloon or galley, can still be part of the general conversation going on in the cockpit. No longer does it feel like being subjected to the depths of a mono hull where you are knocked about like dice before beign thrown. You have full 360 degree visual from the galley and are actaully above the water. No need for gimbles on the stove or those archaic straps to keep you chained to the stove. No sir, no more of this!

There is however a huge volume of folk who have a common problem,ie, the husband would like to spend his vacation at sea and sailing and the wife would rather be shopping, looking over historical sites, etc.

To this end I am considering a unique charter concept for just those couples. This is aimed at the whole family and satisfying all. This involves a charter on a catamaran for a week, sailing along the Costa Blanca, visiting towns such as Alicante, Cartegena, the Mar Menor etc, where gentle sailing conditions exist and there is plenty to do in these towns to keep those members of the family happier on the land to pursue other activivities such as retail therapy etc. Suddenly the presure is taken off the wives to go sailing and they can sail as much or as little as they like. meanwhile they share the evenings together, and sleep on the flat whilst safely moored up. All this in the sunshine at a reasonable price, what more do you need to slowly convert the less willing?

You may well be surprised at how often the wife elects to sail during the week.

This could even be combined with some golfing. I also have some villas on a golf course here on the Costa Blanca.

Any comments, please!

 

[claymore]

You are obviously an old man - "55 years of sailing together." I wonder why you feel the need to refer to the young generation - whoever they may be - as "weedy."
Sometimes you have things to say which are relevant and make sense - you have an obvious wealth of experience but I don't believe that age gives anyone the superiority over other generations which you appear to assume.
Regards
John S

 

[billmacfarlane]

Bill you're making a very broad , sweeping assumption here , maybe due to a generation gap , maybe not. The assumption you're making is that the men of the household are itching to go sailing while the women do not. You've made another assumption that women cook and men don't. Condemned to go below ? By who ? Bill the year is 2001 not 1931. Believe it or not women now go out to work and hold responsible jobs. Yes it's true. And believe it or not they can take charge of a boat. Honest . This is the third post re women this week all of them I'd call deeply sexist. Can Scuttlebutters please drag themselves from past times when men were men and the women doubted it , and into the 21st century. Then maybe we can stop talking all this sexist crap and talk about what we really enjoy doing. SAILING.

 

[claymore]

Oh how well you put that, Bill.
thanks
JS

 

[jimi]

From a personal viewpoint being the sole male member of a household of 5, I do have a problem enticing the rest out into a cold & wet environment whether it be sailing, mountaineering or even just taking the dog for a walk. Whilst people may confuse equality with similarity, male & female are different (and long may they remain so) and so I have 3 options: 1) give up on the fairer sex and go with my mates & therefor risk long term marital breakdown or 2)Try and make an effort to make these options less unattractive to my family. or 3) Join the local Drama club.
This is not being sexist, it is a statement of reality!

 

[billmacfarlane]

I agree. I said that it's a dangerous assumption to think that all women are like that. Sexism is when you start thinking in stereotypes rather that as people.

 

[BarryD]

Uh?

Sorry chaps I'm totally baffled as to how you can consider a hobby (albeit an expensive one) over your families. Option 2 - make it more attractive is the only solution, with I guess more solo stuff (Opt. 1) but not at the expense of others. Similar threads are running in the Liveaboard forum - and some of the answers are leaning towards recommending divorce, hopefully tongue in cheek.

In the end surely it is just a hobby - an escape from daily reality? And this isn't a dig at you Jimi - just at the whole issue.

Barry D.

IMHO & FWIW, NWGOI.

 

[jonic]

Oh oh.....another "Bill and Claymore battle". I'm staying out of it this time. Although I think I qualify as the weedy younger generation and I got my wife to come and she enjoyed it so much she wants to come again and again.

 

[claymore]

I will refrain from the obvious comment - good job this thread isn't on the motorboaty forum!!!
regards
JS

 

[vyv_cox]

Very well said.

My wife and I sail as a team. She is a far better cook than I am, but when it's rough I do the cooking. I am a more experienced helm than she, but there have been many times when I have been more than happy for her to take over. Navigation? Sail changes? Dinghy inflating? Oil changes? Either of us will do them.

 

[jimi]

Re: Uh?

What do you mean ?... you should know that for Scotsmen their hobbies (a lá Bill Shankly) are much more important than life itself!

My solution is in two parts
1) in the summer & autumn go for option 2 with a bit of 1 (I find a Med charter works wonders)
2) in the winter & spring, option 1 is the only possibility

 

[billmacfarlane]

I'm the same. My wife taught me how to sail. We also sail as a team. I cook in winds above F4 as I have the stronger and larger ) stomach. We both helm equally , she is the better downwind helm , I'm better to windward. We take it in turns to berth the boat to keep our hand in and we both navigate , though she maintains that I'm better than her. I'm not but I'm more interested in the nav toys than she is. In short we're a partnership. The only rule we have is that whoever is on the helm calls the shots when it comes to boathandling , reefing , sail trim etc.