How come you are allowed to have fun here...

[JeremyF]

Oh, I\'d forgotten....

...that this place has the advantage of Pauline B's fragrent (or flagrent, can't decide) wit and poetry.

There seems to be less facial hair here, and its not just Pauline B. I'm refering to. And less reddish-tan trousers made from the mainsail of a 1930's gaff rigger.


<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[tcm]

Re: what the hell are you on about?...

Trousers?

 

[JeremyF]

Yes, the dismantling of Careless Whisper was a real classic lunchtime farce. But, when trying to get a similar thread of mental imagery going about the anonymous folk, someone got upset, saying that this was upsetting to the quiet viewers who watch us, and the posting got binned.

<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[JeremyF]

Trousers

Yeah, trousers. Dont you wear trousers here? I could have sworn most stinkies Ive seen in Campers were wearing them. Or, do you have a MoBo name for them. Raggies call rope - halyards, sheets, warps, rode. Is their a MoBo equivalent naming convention for trousers?

<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[zefender]

Re: Homework been banned!

Seems like all the slagging off got the Kim treatment a few minutes ago. I only suggested maybe spending a bit less time on posts and a bit more on homework. Trying to combine the two seemed a bit pointless to me! But then I am a politically correct Guardian reader and maybe I should have stayed in the tranquil waters of flag ettiquette. My behaviour has been shameless and I will have to motor about the Solent this weekend without putting my sails up as an appropriate penance. You never know, I might learn to enjoy it that way.

 

[JeremyF]

Penance!

Yes, Zefender. Poor old Steve has been banned for life. I'll catch up with him and get the background.

Dont motor with the sails down with the wind on the beam. Thats not penance. There are loads of Raggies who seem to do it out of choice in the solent most weekends. Your penance needs to be tougher. This weekend there are some big springs. Your Penance is to depart Yarmouth for Portsmouth at 10.00. Enjoy!

<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[tcm]

Re: Motortrousers

Oh, we don't callem motorboats, just boats. . However, EVERYTHING else in the boat is prefixed with "Motor", unless in a bad mood in which case the correct prefix might be "Friggin'". It important to get the nomenclature right, otherwise we won't understand

 

[kimhollamby]

The bad news for you is that the fat controller is here as well. Hi.

The good news is that there is balance, of sorts, on MBC these days. What you saw on Scuttlebutt in the past couple of days was not fun...unless fun is chewing lumps out of anyone that dares to venture an opinion.

Said all I need to say on the subject over on Scuttlebutt.

kim_hollamby@ipcmedia.com

 

[JeremyF]

Motorensign

Can I leave my motorensign up all day and night, even when parked in the marina, like quite a few at Campers?

Oh sh*t, thats my raggie upbringing coming out - flag ettiquette!!! Sorry everyone, wont happen again.

<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[KevL]

Re: Trousers

Well according to a recent trread on Skuttlebot we are all puftas anyway so as far as raggies are concerned no... On reading this I raised an eyebrow, thought to myself "w*nk*rs" and came back over here.

KevL

--
It may be the early bird that catches the worm but its the second mouse that gets the cheese.

 

[zefender]

Re: Penance!

No - my penance will come six hours later when I run aground trying to get back to Port Solent!

 

[JeremyF]

Training to be a Stinkpot

Changing the subject, did you see Faking It about a guy trained to be a drag act in a month. Brilliant. I wonder if I can be trained to act as a Stinkpot in only 4 weeks?
How would you structure my training course?

<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[JeremyF]

Re: Penance!

6 hours? With the tides this weekend, I think you'd only be at PS 10 hours after 10.00

Not surprisingly, I'm going the opposite way. Dep Gosport 10.00, arr Yarmouth approx 1500. Going to be an early start on Sunday, though, to get back.

<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[tcm]

Re: Motorflag

Yes yes, this is quite alright. Also, not putting it up at all shows that you are well-seasoned traveller with lots of cross-channel experience, or in an expensive marina where it got nicked and replacement is £89.99, plus the motorflag itself.

 

[KevL]

Re: Penance!

Look you two you are supposed to be trying to seemlessly blend in. Stop reminding us that you are raggies by winging about how long it takes to get somewhere.

KevL

--
It may be the early bird that catches the worm but its the second mouse that gets the cheese.

 

[JeremyF]

Re: Penance!

Sorry KevL. PLease help me blend in and learn to be a drag act - oops, sorry a Stinkpot. Please can I have some suggestions to my conversion course, as requested on a posting above.

<font color=green>Jeremy Flynn/forums/images/icons/crazy.gif
Dawn Chorus</font color=green>

 

[tcm]

Crash course in stinkpotting

1. Proceeed immediately in large german car to port solent. Respond with blank looks and humour failure at anyone who calls this place "Porto Solente". Park badly, possibly getting kids to force open the barrier. Altercation with security staff should be met by attempt to bung them ten quid.

2. Visit large chandlery there and buy something in an aerosol, something that needs batteries, some charts (but ask for maps) an unlikely pilot guide to the med, a wise saftey device such as exhaust temp sensor that makes it look as though you really know what you're doing, and a crosshead screwdriver for £9.50, which shows that you don't. Then go and get lashed at the upstairs bar, and lose all the chandlery by leaving it behind.

3. Get 1 pound coin for traolley and extract clothes from car, and have an argument with wife as you proceed through the security gate handily left open by one of the only three people in the world who have actually got a pass card.

4. Proceed to F pontoon and choose any larginsh Fairline on which to stay. Nobody else will turn up except on weekends anyway, and even then not very much and of course it's only a fleeting visit. Leave the trolley behind at the boat, and disregard the fact that there are now no trolleys at all near the car park.

5. Having deposited all your bags, return to the bar for dinner and lots more drinks. Two hours later it's raining. On exit, follow wife's instructions to retrieve bags and stay in the Marriott. Cleverly walk down the 6 foot wide pontoon without falling in. Wee on someone's boat until the lights go on.


Having mastered the tidal area, it's time to proceed to the med.


1. Buy improbably youthful sunglasses, knackered boat shoes and pressed suit. Queue up at gatwick with wife plus assortment of 3 or more "children" with widely ranging ages of between 3 and 32. Best combination is "boy" aged 32, girl aged 15½, and 3 yearold so that nobody quite knows who is with whom and is that his wife? Can't be....

2. Upon arrival at destination, deposit bags on boat, and take out small bottle of beer from the fridge. Whiklst on board you must always hold one of these.

3. Remove all traces of charts, pilot guides and saftey equipment: these belong in the chandlery shop, or in a framed picture at home or in the lazarette.

4. Apply 2 litres of dark brown base coat spray paint to wife's body, followed by top translucent coat of red.

5. Gingerly drive boat out of marina at 10 knots with no help whatsoever from family crew all lying on front sunpad.

6. Once safely out of port, it's time to find an anchorage. Choose a very crowded area, and let out chain to the length of 1.3 times the depth. All quickly jump into dinghy at eat ashore.

7. Return slightly further out to new location of boat rafted up against some foreigners boat. Don't thank them but peer around the boat to check that damage caused last time hasn't been repaired at all even though you told the yard to do it.

8. Play music all afternoon, untill the given signal at 4.50pm to all return to the marina at once. Jostle for position as best you can. Request assistance on vhf in "difficult English" eg "hiya portals yeah, any chance of a marinero?" or similar.
Marina staff will qucikly attend and even drive the boat into your berth, provided that you have already t-boned your boat on the fuel dock.

9. Retire to hotel for remainder of holiday after exhilaration of boating. Once the keys to your hire car have been mislaid, or your wife/family has gone off shopping in it, there is no need to return to the vessel.


Pretty comprehensive course eh?

 

[KevL]

Re: Penance!

Suitable topics for impressing as below, all to be used with an air of bravardo and a rogueish, raffish charm like it doesn't really matter

The price of fuel in XXX marina
The shaft/seterndrive/jetdrive/surfacedrive debate
The size of yuor fridge
The use of trim tabs for getting onto the plane quickly
Are bow thrusters really necessary
Does trimming the leg really make a difference

That'll do for starters

Oh and you need to do something about that little picture on your profile. Get a decent photo editor, airbrush out the sails, paint in a superstructure and a big wake. While your at it for added realism you could add a little raggie being washed off his deck by the volune of water as you pass within 10 feet of his port side fully on the plane...

KevL



--
It may be the early bird that catches the worm but its the second mouse that gets the cheese.

 

[EME]

Cheaper version: Crash course in stinkpotting

1) Read this forum at great length.
2) Consider subscription to MBY at London Boat Show but after several pints of Guinness, politely decline but take free umbrella away anyway despite protestations of pimply youth.
3) Pay drunk ex- RYA examiner 1 can of Tennents Extra for Comp crew course.
4) Apply for RYA memebership/ICC at same time = £25, major saving of £4. You are now licenced to cause havoc for 5 years.
5) Bypass UK altogether, too many knowledgeable boaters around interested in working of internal cumbustion engine and water-resistant powers of plastic ?
6) Arrive in Med - leave kids behind. Problem is that under age of 18 they are likely to blow gaffe. Likely to explain that Dad is total plonker with mental age of village idiot.
7) Hire a boat with motor, any boat , any motor. ICC = passport. Get cheapest , Fastest. ASk little man to put some gas in ... word works well in France.
8) Proceed to blast across to nearest restaurant at top speed. Make wife seasick ( this IS VERY IMPORTANT). Return boat ,,,including t-boning of berth if possible.
9) Claim to anyone who will listen that you missed your vocation, as obviously skills of history (Nelson, Bligh, Fortescue-smyth ) embodied in you.
10) Spend 3 years visting boats and taking wife out for sea-trials on ever larger boats. Relive step 8 in that each boat is a little lumpy. Get bigger and biiger boats on test as forum tells you they will be more stable and SWMBO needs to be happy about this experience.
11) By time you find boat on which TB is happy , cost is greater than sum of everything you have ever earned/inherited/will earn so cann't afford it.
12) Reduce yourself to step 1 ,, posting on this forum.... but at least you have fun//

...now who resembles that story?

...I wanna boat please..

 

[tcm]

Re:Oi!!

Git!

Oops er I mean um is it you?