tcm
...
I would like to take this oportunity to explain the issue of my fenders. As you know, I recently acquired two new fenders.
Now, I have a very busy life juggling doing sod all at work, attending dinner parties, arguing about football with the kids , going to pub, and boating matters. Perhaps like yourselves, something of these balls may topple and fall.
So, I agreed when a friend’s mate known only to me as Ron “The Hat” McVicar-Biggs suggested he could help “buy” some fenders for me. The name meant nothing to me.
No, I have no explanation about why I couldn’t go to the chandlery myself, especially since my son works there so it wouldn’t have been out of my way, nobody seems to have picked up on that.
And why if I’m a frigging High Court Judge would it not have been better for me to ring up and say “I’ll buy those fenders” than some unknown mate’s boyfriend – I must be useless, pathetic or bent to use him as a go-between eh? So which is it? Isn’t it likely that he’d say look here’s a deal – you help me out with the deportation – I’ll sort out a nice deal on the fenders eh?
Anyway, I would like a moment to cry and nearly weep about my son as a diversionary tactic. He’s away from home, you know, cry weep… Okay, so we’d flogged the actual family home five years ago and moved into somewhere free, but anyway, they told me to do that.
I confess that I made an error of judgement when I saw some time later that some of the fenders say “property of next’s door’s boat”. Now, when next door’s boat said “Oi, what the hell are you doing with my fenders?” my first thought was to defend my boat which is in the first year (burst’s into tears, pause, nearly cry..) then tell a massive lie and say “Get lost shithead , they’re my fenders!” .
Later, I sent the boys round to lie to the marina office. Unfortunately, it appears that my gang has grassed me up.
However, I would like to confirm that I’m very upset, not bad on the telly, and won’t under any circumstances be handing back any of the fenders.
I still don’t know how this all came to light, unless one my boys thought he could double his payoff at the Daily Mail.
Thanyou very much for your tumultuous applause.
Now, I have a very busy life juggling doing sod all at work, attending dinner parties, arguing about football with the kids , going to pub, and boating matters. Perhaps like yourselves, something of these balls may topple and fall.
So, I agreed when a friend’s mate known only to me as Ron “The Hat” McVicar-Biggs suggested he could help “buy” some fenders for me. The name meant nothing to me.
No, I have no explanation about why I couldn’t go to the chandlery myself, especially since my son works there so it wouldn’t have been out of my way, nobody seems to have picked up on that.
And why if I’m a frigging High Court Judge would it not have been better for me to ring up and say “I’ll buy those fenders” than some unknown mate’s boyfriend – I must be useless, pathetic or bent to use him as a go-between eh? So which is it? Isn’t it likely that he’d say look here’s a deal – you help me out with the deportation – I’ll sort out a nice deal on the fenders eh?
Anyway, I would like a moment to cry and nearly weep about my son as a diversionary tactic. He’s away from home, you know, cry weep… Okay, so we’d flogged the actual family home five years ago and moved into somewhere free, but anyway, they told me to do that.
I confess that I made an error of judgement when I saw some time later that some of the fenders say “property of next’s door’s boat”. Now, when next door’s boat said “Oi, what the hell are you doing with my fenders?” my first thought was to defend my boat which is in the first year (burst’s into tears, pause, nearly cry..) then tell a massive lie and say “Get lost shithead , they’re my fenders!” .
Later, I sent the boys round to lie to the marina office. Unfortunately, it appears that my gang has grassed me up.
However, I would like to confirm that I’m very upset, not bad on the telly, and won’t under any circumstances be handing back any of the fenders.
I still don’t know how this all came to light, unless one my boys thought he could double his payoff at the Daily Mail.
Thanyou very much for your tumultuous applause.
