Does Greece now REALLY need OUR tax money?

[nickf]

So are we saying that those small Greek owned vessels that we all see and love are not "used for recreational purposes" and cannot be "used for leisure travel".

No, in relation to the current/yet to be in forced tax - that is why Para 1b, in the Gazette, has been included to ensure motor and sail boats over 7m are liable for tax.

Probably yes in relation to other legislation.

 

[miyagimoon]

No, in relation to the current/yet to be in forced tax - that is why Para 1b, in the Gazette, has been included to ensure motor and sail boats over 7m are liable for tax.

Probably yes in relation to other legislation.

We are both playing with words from an iffy translation. The Greeks are smart. I'm sure that all the Greek vessels will come under Para 1a Recreational. Therefore No Tax.

 

[miyagimoon]

I'm still trying to sort out my book.

Our hero John Smith who's seen it all before, new taxes on farting and new visa's on farting introduced in a variety of countries that he's attempted to travel through decides that all this tax on farting isn't something that he can stop on his own. So he searches around for a group of people to join up with to fight alongside against the encroachments upon his right to fart without paying where ever he wants. He finds a group of people online who suggest that maybe riots and petrol bombs (but not if anyone has just farted - on health and safety grounds) would be the solution. Our hero considers this for a moment but dismisses it on the grounds that he's only carrying a knife and he suspects the police will have guns. So he looks for another group and stumbles across a group called the 'Farting Association'. FA for short. Our hero isn't really into clubs. He thinks it might be because he got thrown out of the boy scouts as a small boy. The pack leader never did like him but our hero doesn't hold it against him even if the pack leader was his dad. So he joins up with the FA and then when the country he is presently in introduces a horrid new tax on farts he turns to them and says 'Please help?' They say 'Don't worry we're on the case - we are representing not just our members but farters everywhere'. He sleeps peacefully that night in a fug of his own wind. Then in the morning he checks online for progress and finds that the FA have decided that the new tax on farting is alright really but they'd like a proper translation. Our disappointed hero suspects that they didn't put in much effort because actually the members of FA also only carry knives and so try not to get into any fights if they can help it. They try to console him by saying that they are hopeful of concessions in the future. Our hero can only take this to mean that they hope to offer a 10% discount on the new farting tax with every new FA membership taken out.

It's still a work in progress but any constructive comments would be most welcome. Complaints will also be accepted. You have two choices - stay and read it or leave.

Hi Chris,

I like farting it makes me happy.
When I'm happy I work.
When I work I get paid.
With my pay I buy beans.
I like beans they make me Fart!!

They Tax sailing, but a lot of the time there is no wind to sail.
So I Fart to make wind.
Then they Tax the Farting.


Cannot Win!!

Albert

 

[Steve C Cronin]

Steve
thanks for watching my back , the whole pontoon having a great laugh including my self ,
born and raised in ear shot of bow bells and now and then my cockey accents do get the better of me , you know what I mean mate .
Keep the posting coming I just love the way you wind some people on here up .

Anytime old boy, so long as it "does" for the old "fahererteten"!

 

[sailaboutvic]

I'm still trying to sort out my book.

Our hero John Smith who's seen it all before, new taxes on farting and new visa's on farting introduced in a variety of countries that he's attempted to travel through decides that all this tax on farting isn't something that he can stop on his own. So he searches around for a group of people to join up with to fight alongside against the encroachments upon his right to fart without paying where ever he wants. He finds a group of people online who suggest that maybe riots and petrol bombs (but not if anyone has just farted - on health and safety grounds) would be the solution. Our hero considers this for a moment but dismisses it on the grounds that he's only carrying a knife and he suspects the police will have guns. So he looks for another group and stumbles across a group called the 'Farting Association'. FA for short. Our hero isn't really into clubs. He thinks it might be because he got thrown out of the boy scouts as a small boy. The pack leader never did like him but our hero doesn't hold it against him even if the pack leader was his dad. So he joins up with the FA and then when the country he is presently in introduces a horrid new tax on farts he turns to them and says 'Please help?' They say 'Don't worry we're on the case - we are representing not just our members but farters everywhere'. He sleeps peacefully that night in a fug of his own wind. Then in the morning he checks online for progress and finds that the FA have decided that the new tax on farting is alright really but they'd like a proper translation. Our disappointed hero suspects that they didn't put in much effort because actually the members of FA also only carry knives and so try not to get into any fights if they can help it. They try to console him by saying that they are hopeful of concessions in the future. Our hero can only take this to mean that they hope to offer a 10% discount on the new farting tax with every new FA membership taken out.

It's still a work in progress but any constructive comments would be most welcome. Complaints will also be accepted. You have two choices - stay and read it or leave.

Please send me detail how I can join the FA club , better still can I be chairman .sorry chairperson , My spelling and grammar is crxp (x=A) but I do have a sense of humour .

 

[Tony Cross]

Hang on , the way I under stand it is the Germany France and Dutch are fighting tooth and nail to have the tax remove , I understanding from members of the Germany S A , that their are threading to take Greece to the EU courts , it seen to me it only the CA who agreeing to the tax , and as far as what ever the CA negotiate will befit everyone including non CA member , What are they negotiating for ? Because so far the only thing that have change is , the date the tax will come into force and that still unknown and that boat are now allowed to sail thought Greek waters without being tax ,and the truth is the German are the once who knocked that on the head not the CA .
All the CA seen to be doing it trying to get info on how this tax is going to work . So please don't make it sound that the CA is doing anything for non CA member .
Sorry for the spelling mistakes and grammar

It tickles me the way this debate rages back and forth; one day it's all the fault of greedy Greek politicians and the next it's the fault of the CA for failing to nobly sacrifice themselves in a futile, but nevertheless heroic, charge against the enemy guns. The CA cannot represent anyone other than it's own membership, though any concessions that they win will benefit everyone of course. If you want to put your own personal case to the Greek government then form your own group and send a representative to argue your case. You can hardly hang on the coat-tails of an association of which you are not a member (I assume?) and then complain that they're not doing what you'd like.

I'm still trying to sort out my book.

Our hero John Smith who's seen it all before, new taxes on farting and new visa's on farting introduced in a variety of countries that he's attempted to travel through decides that all this tax on farting isn't something that he can stop on his own. So he searches around for a group of people to join up with to fight alongside against the encroachments upon his right to fart without paying where ever he wants. He finds a group of people online who suggest that maybe riots and petrol bombs (but not if anyone has just farted - on health and safety grounds) would be the solution. Our hero considers this for a moment but dismisses it on the grounds that he's only carrying a knife and he suspects the police will have guns. So he looks for another group and stumbles across a group called the 'Farting Association'. FA for short. Our hero isn't really into clubs. He thinks it might be because he got thrown out of the boy scouts as a small boy. The pack leader never did like him but our hero doesn't hold it against him even if the pack leader was his dad. So he joins up with the FA and then when the country he is presently in introduces a horrid new tax on farts he turns to them and says 'Please help?' They say 'Don't worry we're on the case - we are representing not just our members but farters everywhere'. He sleeps peacefully that night in a fug of his own wind. Then in the morning he checks online for progress and finds that the FA have decided that the new tax on farting is alright really but they'd like a proper translation. Our disappointed hero suspects that they didn't put in much effort because actually the members of FA also only carry knives and so try not to get into any fights if they can help it. They try to console him by saying that they are hopeful of concessions in the future. Our hero can only take this to mean that they hope to offer a 10% discount on the new farting tax with every new FA membership taken out.

It's still a work in progress but any constructive comments would be most welcome. Complaints will also be accepted. You have two choices - stay and read it or leave.

Amusing and witty as always. What you miss is that if you're not a member of the FA then you have absolutely zero input into anything that they might do. In addition, as I mentioned above, if you sit back and let the FA (which you didn't join) fight the battle for you then you have to put up with the way they choose to fight it. The CA represents cruising boating people worldwide, not just in Greece remember, and as these fora demonstrate there is a wide difference of opinion between us all. The CA is attempting to achieve the possible, if you think they should be doing something else then either join, get involved and make your voice heard, or form your own association and argue your case through that.

In all this debate I'm reminded of the classic Hollywood "alien invasion" movies. The military wants to immediately nuke the bas...errr....bad aliens, but both the audience and the hero realise this would be a tragic error. In the end the battle is won through subtlety despite much official opposition. That's the story I see here, those calling for the tax to be abolished are the military generals wanting to nuke everything. This desire to "do something" and to "hit them hard" lies within all of us. The CA of course is the hero who, like the audience, knows that a more subtle approach will achieve better results. Roll end credits.

 

[sailaboutvic]

Good morning to you too Tony .
Funny I had a feeling this morning you was going to reply to my posting , MMmmm wonder why ?

"It tickles me the way this debate rages back and forth; one day it's all the fault of greedy Greek politicians and the next it's the fault of the CA for failing to nobly sacrifice themselves in a futile, but nevertheless heroic, charge against the enemy guns. The CA cannot represent anyone other than it's own membership, though any concessions that they win will benefit everyone of course. If you want to put your own personal case to the Greek government then form your own group and send a representative to argue your case. You can hardly hang on the coat-tails of an association of which you are not a member (I assume?) and then complain that they're not doing what you'd like."

You know very well I am not a member of the CA , I have explain many time before why I am not ,
for the records , I am not expecting the CA to flight my battles I happy to do that myself the only way I can, by writing to the minster , which I have and to not return to Greece , how long will I stay out of Greece ? only time will tell .
my comment was as a YBW forum member to another YBW forum member , in respond to the comment made , that other people including non CA member will benefit from the out come from the talks the CA are having with Greece , if the out come , are that the CA has agreed with Greece or should I say excepted the tax on behave of the CA member , what benefits is that to non CA member or to anyone come to think of it , I know your very protected of your club , and so you should , but if you don't want it criticised for it acton maybe it best not to suggest that it doing non CA member any favours ., because the only thing I can see it doing is collecting information how the tax is going to work , there no negotiating as far as I know on remove the tax or having it reduce to an harbour and marina tax paid daily rather then a yearly tax , now that would benefit CA and non CA member .
And before you suggest that I have no idea what going on behind the scenes , your right I don't , but going by the track record so far I hate to guess what being agreed .
In the end of the day if by some miracle the tax get knocked back in some way I sure the CA will try and claim it was all there doing .
I can remember the last two taxes Greece try to bring it wasn't the CA who had them remove , but another country who had the back bone to fight them and yes I am also not a member of that club too .

 

[Tony Cross]

Good morning to you too Tony .
Funny I had a feeling this morning you was going to reply to my posting , MMmmm wonder why ?

"It tickles me the way this debate rages back and forth; one day it's all the fault of greedy Greek politicians and the next it's the fault of the CA for failing to nobly sacrifice themselves in a futile, but nevertheless heroic, charge against the enemy guns. The CA cannot represent anyone other than it's own membership, though any concessions that they win will benefit everyone of course. If you want to put your own personal case to the Greek government then form your own group and send a representative to argue your case. You can hardly hang on the coat-tails of an association of which you are not a member (I assume?) and then complain that they're not doing what you'd like."

You know very well I am not a member of the CA , I have explain many time before why I am not ,
for the records , I am not expecting the CA to flight my battles I happy to do that myself the only way I can, by writing to the minster , which I have and to not return to Greece , how long will I stay out of Greece ? only time will tell .
my comment was as a YBW forum member to another YBW forum member , in respond to the comment made , that other people including non CA member will benefit from the out come from the talks the CA are having with Greece , if the out come , are that the CA has agreed with Greece or should I say excepted the tax on behave of the CA member , what benefits is that to non CA member or to anyone come to think of it , I know your very protected of your club , and so you should , but if you don't want it criticised for it acton maybe it best not to suggest that it doing non CA member any favours ., because the only thing I can see it doing is collecting information how the tax is going to work , there no negotiating as far as I know on remove the tax or having it reduce to an harbour and marina tax paid daily rather then a yearly tax , now that would benefit CA and non CA member .

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. AFAIK the CA is not negotiating to have the tax removed. That is simply not realistically possible. Other benefits and concessions are. Watch this space.

 

[sailaboutvic]

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. AFAIK the CA is not negotiating to have the tax removed. That is simply not realistically possible. Other benefits and concessions are. Watch this space.

Tony I think most would agree , if we had to be taxes , then a tax on when you visited an harbour or stayed in a Marina would be a lot fairer then a yearly tax ,and on the size of the boat , not this big jump from 12 mts > at less that way you only paying for the time you are in Greece . Personal I like to see it totally remove but now that would take a miracle.
I now have some non paid work to do , god how I wish people didn't know I could fix engines ,

 

[BurnitBlue]

I now have some non paid work to do , god how I wish people didn't know I could fix engines ,

If you do come to Greece may I recommend a lovely yard in the Actio area. You could do no better.

 

[BurnitBlue]

Are you saying that there are 2000 liveaboards' boats in the Ionian? Not very likely. I believe that these (rather roughly calculated) 2000 boats consist mainly of chartered ones.

Roughly calculated yes. But I still say that there are about 2000 privately owned liveaboard type boats stored out there. (except mine which is a primarily a cruising yacht) Most of the Charter yachts are in the Levkas area.

 

[vyv_cox]

for the records , I am not expecting the CA to fight my battles I happy to do that myself the only way I can, by writing to the minister , which I have and to not return to Greece , how long will I stay out of Greece ? only time will tell .
.

How successful was your letter to the minister? I also wrote to him, several weeks ago now, and have yet to receive a reply. Whatever your opinion of the work of the CA in this respect, they have at least established a dialogue and appear to be gaining some concessions. As has been said so many times in this near-circular thread, the one thing we can be certain of is that the tax will go ahead. Anything that can be done to make the payments more applicable to the use of the boat is surely beneficial?

 

[BrianH]

How successful was your letter to the minister? I also wrote to him, several weeks ago now, and have yet to receive a reply. Whatever your opinion of the work of the CA in this respect, they have at least established a dialogue and appear to be gaining some concessions. As has been said so many times in this near-circular thread, the one thing we can be certain of is that the tax will go ahead. Anything that can be done to make the payments more applicable to the use of the boat is surely beneficial?

I responded to the inaccuracies in the publication from the Greek embassy in London, regarding comparison to the Italian tax and registered my regret at the imposition of an unfair tax for short-term visiting, under 12m, yachts to Greek waters. Below is all that I have received:

Subject: Fwd: Article 13 of law 4211/2013 concerning boat taxation
_______________________________________________________

Σας διαβιβάζουμε μήνυμα ηλεκτρονικού ταχυδρομείου που περιήλθε στη θυρίδα επικοινωνίας του Υπουργείου Ναυτιλίας & Αιγαίου και
παρακαλούμε για την ενημέρωση και τυχόν δικές σας ενέργειες, απαντώντας απ’ ευθείας στον ενδιαφερόμενο.​

 

[pelissima]

A different proposition

The bureaucratic above response propelled me with a fresh idea
Writing to ministers is a good thing. The disadvantages are ministers have no time to read it and even if they did, we expect him to do the dirty job to find a solution. So the mail goes from desk to desk with minimum effect.
I blame myself for not thinking of this earlier, but we know here or a person that is close to the prime minister and other ministries as well and so far has proved himself as the man who found solutions in other crises so far, and this man is Mr. Chrysanthos Lazarides, email lazarch@nd.gr. I believe the man has the time to go through the mails, he will understand the issues involved and he potentially can present a ready solution to ministers for approval.
I would suggest that everyone who took the trouble to put to writing the arguments of the yachting people, to get to one more trouble and readdress them to his mail.

 

[jimbaerselman]

A poll conducted on this forum showed 11% of respondents who were already cruising in Greece were planning to leave as a result of this tax

Of 150 people who have contacted the CA about this tax's effects (about a third were not CA members), only 9 said they were revising their plans as a result of the tax. and would not cruise in Greece. The rest were of the opinion that even with this tax, Greece still represented good value.

All except two said that if this tax replaced existing port police payments and procedures, that would be a net improvement, and worth fighting for. Even 7 of those planning to leave said that would change their minds.

I know that's a very small sample of the (maybe) 1,000 UK boats based in Greece, but to me that's an overwhelming vote for (1) Accepting this tax and (2) doing our best to ensure it replaces existing port police fees and visits (3) ensuring that as many "unfair" elements as possible are withdrawn or modified.

I wish those who are fighting to have this tax withdrawn the best of luck. I have enough knowledge of EU law to know that there is not a legal remedy. There would be if UK charged boats a circulation tax, and boats could show they were "paid up", but in EU law, that would only give a 180 day holiday from the tax - a rather shorter stay than non-EU boats are permitted. And lost legal battles cost a lot of money.

So that leaves threats of a "strike". In this context that means voting with your keels. Or staying, refusing to pay, and accepting whatever consequences may arise if you're caught.

Refusing to pay, of course, was the approach taken by most boats over the last ten years or so. It worked, because there were no consequences. An 11.5m boat cruising anchorages and harbours of Greece for some 120 days should theoretically have paid over £900 for that privilege. It's now being asked to pay €400 for the whole year - risking double that if it doesn't pay up. A 12.5m boat pays a bit more than the old PP dues, unless it's permanently in Greece, when it pays €950 for the year. Or much less if paying just for a month or two.

So, in our opinion, the best battle to fight was for removal of port police payments and reporting - plus all the other bits and pieces we listed in this email

We won't get all of that. But as Pelissima points out, anyone who feels they can do better is welcome to try. If you re-use any of the material in the link, I suggest you put it into your own words. Incidentally, all the first 7 points are agreed, excepting the Corinth Canal issue

 

[sailaboutvic]

How successful was your letter to the minister? I also wrote to him, several weeks ago now, and have yet to receive a reply. Whatever your opinion of the work of the CA in this respect, they have at least established a dialogue and appear to be gaining some concessions. As has been said so many times in this near-circular thread, the one thing we can be certain of is that the tax will go ahead. Anything that can be done to make the payments more applicable to the use of the boat is surely beneficial?

My letter was also sent some weeks back and like your and I have not had Reply .

As far as the CA goes I really don't have a problem with them I know at time they do some good work for their members and people like JIm and Tony put a lot of their free time into it , most of the time I only make a reference to the CA because someone has reply to my posting and has used them first .
but it does pee me off a bit when it is suggest that non CA member will benefit for their work , as if the CA is the only sailing organisations involved in the talks , and suggesting non members are getting some thing for nothing ,
All of member or non member will only benefit if the out come is a big change in the way the tax will apply to visiting yacht ( let get away from the word liveaboard ) because visitors are what we are .

I agree with you that there very little chance now of the tax will going away , you can't expect the Greek government to toss the tax out now there got conformation that at less one sailing organisations have excepted it . (Bad move )But we must not forget taxes in Greece have been thrown out in the pass so it not in possible , it just a matter of the right people taken up our case .
Or enough people moving away , remember one of Greece biggest trade it tourism , i am not even going to try and count hoew many visiting yacht from all over the world there is in Greece and anyone who think a mass exit isn't going to make a different are living in cuckoo land , as soon as Greek business get hit hard there will be plenty of Greek jumping up and down , won't need the help of sailing Organisational .

I am sure the CA is doing what they think is best , but maybe their should ask there member how they feel , we have four CA boats in this harbour and two have said they will cut there tax bill by third, by not renewing there CA . membership . The other two have decided to give Greece a miss
Regarding all the expert who seen to know EU law in side and out I say to them , not even the politician know the law that well that why there so many cases end up in the European court .

 

[vyv_cox]

but it does pee me off a bit when it is suggest that non CA member will benefit for their work , as if the CA is the only sailing organisations involved in the talks , and suggesting non members are getting some thing for nothing ,

It seems to me to be a fact that non-members will benefit. What other organisation representing British sailors is doing anything at all? Far from what you suggest, it has been reiterated many times that other national organisations are teamed with the CA in talking to the Greek government representatives. I don't remember ever hearing the suggestion that non-members will be getting something for nothing, even though it may well be true. If the DEKPA and payment to port police are withdrawn (by no means announced yet!) it will surely benefit every cruiser in Greece?

 

[Tony Cross]

Hello Tony.

I think that maybe I should have pointed out in the beginning that all characters, places and organisations in my book are purely fictional and not based on any actual characters, places and organisations. Any similarity to any actual characters, places and organisations is purely coincidental. That should keep the CA lawyers off my back I hope.

Thanks for the alien idea I'm working on new chapter now based on your great ideas.

Our hero John Smith out for a walk one night (Ok he was actually stumbling back from the pub) stumbles across an alien invasion under way. The aliens were horrible things to look at and gave our hero the right heebie jeebies as for some reason the aliens had come dressed as politicians and tax collectors. John suspected that they had heard about all the tax being collected just for flatulence and wanted in on the action. Our hero pulls out his knife and considers taking them on singlehanded but decides better of it. So he rushes home goes online as he knows that Foogle (a search engine dedicated to the needs of farters) will have all the answers. No.1 in the search engine appears to be the FA. Our hero's hopes sink as he has seen the work of the FA on other matters before and not been too impressed but they say they are on the case so he pins some of his own hopes on them. Time passes and it's clear that the aliens have taken up a strong position and will be able to start collecting a tax on farting very soon. Some of Johns best farting friends start to leave the country and others who he'd hope to see next year say that they won't come whilst aliens are in such a strong position. Our hero contacts the FA and asks what's being done as if he'd known it was going to take this long he'd of set up his own club of knife wielding farters to fight these nasty aliens even though he hates clubs due to the boy scout thing mentioned earlier in this book which he really doesn't hold against his dad - well maybe a little bit. Anyway back to the story 'Don't worry' says the FA. 'The fight for the right to fart for free is progressing well.- we have already agreed that we will just pay it but we're telling everyone that it's the subtle approach'. Our hero waits and waits and waits and then runs out of pages in his book.

Or I thought it could go like this:

Our hero stumbles across some aliens who intend to collect a farting tax so he phones up the FA who say don't worry we are on the case. Us and some other farting based associations have got hold of a nuclear bomb. The next day the bomb lands on the aliens and all that is left is a sticky mess. The End.

Tony, I think I now see why they do what you say they do in alien movies. If they just nuked them straight away the film would be too sort and the plot not dramatic enough. Ah well at least the CA's wasted efforts have filled some time and added some much needed drama to the story that is the new Greek boating tax. Unfortunately I think this particular movie might be a long one where at the end of it everyone says 'that was a pointless movie, the hero was rubbish, they should have given him some proper guns, he fought like a girl and yet they still expect us to believe he could beat aliens' and then they go to the ticket office for a refund.

I'm happy to have provided the idea, my people will be contacting your people with the licensing deal. I was thinking in telephone number terms....?

Hello Tony

I'm still working on my book.

Sometimes when writing I struggle with getting the characters just right so I try to base them on people I know. Would you mind if I used you in my book? Obviously I'd use a different name. The one I had in mind was Tony Happy and the part for Tony Happy that I had in mind was that of a reporter and representative of the Farting Association. This character is on the front line in the fight against the alien fart taxers but he isn't actually fighting he's just reporting back to HQ. Unfortunately every time he tries to report something he makes the mistake of putting his head above the parapet and gets shot in it.

Do let me know if you'd like to be in the book. There might even be a movie - maybe you could play yourself. I promise you wouldn't actually have to fart we could use special effects for that. I can't promise that you wouldn't actually be shot in the head though as those sorts of effects are quite expensive compared to blowing a raspberry.

Yes, I'd love to be in your book but I'd prefer the character to be called Tony Realist because as you may remember I'm not always happy. Did you know by the way that six out of seven dwarves are not Happy? In the movie can I be played by Jude Law? I realise I'm just a shade older than him but he seems to attract the kind of women that I fancy.

I'll get my people to mention all that to your people. Got a title for the book yet? How about "Throwing one's toys out of the pram"?

 

[Chris_Robb]

I'm happy to have provided the idea, my people will be contacting your people with the licensing deal. I was thinking in telephone number terms....?



Yes, I'd love to be in your book but I'd prefer the character to be called Tony Realist because as you may remember I'm not always happy. Did you know by the way that six out of seven dwarves are not Happy? In the movie can I be played by Jude Law? I realise I'm just a shade older than him but he seems to attract the kind of women that I fancy.

I'll get my people to mention all that to your people. Got a title for the book yet? How about "Throwing one's toys out of the pram"?

This must be the best thread drift yet!

 

[Tony Cross]

Wow - this stuff is dynamite. Another great bit to put in my book.
Do you want to read it? No. Well damn the lot of you here it is anyway:

Our hero, John Smith (you remember him). Well he enjoys a good long fart but he's in a country where they make you get a stamp occasionally in a 'Fart Book'. He also discovers that if you fart in certain locations then the Fart Police come along and charge you for farting. He doesn't under stand why but it doesn't really bother him because he discovers that if you do only short farts you don't have to get a Fart Book. Also if you avoid locations where you have to pay the fart police it costs you nothing. So our hero does only short farts and avoids farting policed areas. This causes him some discomfort, he'd much rather do long farts and be able to fart everywhere but what with all the extra running costs of long farts (you get through more underpants) and the extra hassle of having to go to the Fart Police and get a Fart Book stamped he's happy with his decision. Then the country he's in gets into a bit of a financial pickle due to the need for people in powerful positions to own a Mercedes. So one of the bright sparks in power introduces a new tax on farting. As described before our hero joins the FA in the hope of getting the fart tax abolished - but they don't fight for that. Instead they fight to get the Fart Book abolished and to get fees for farting in fart policed locations abolished. Our hero suspects that the members of the FA that he thought were helping farters everywhere probably only had their own interests at heart. He suspects that they do long farts and like to do them in fart policed areas!

Don't forget the evil witch that forced the country to introduce the tax in the first place - actually there were three evil witches; their names were ECB, IMF and EU. Make sure they're fat and ugly with plenty of warts, you want to be going for realism.