Another non boaty post, funny tho

[BarryH]

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.
They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this blackeye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

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[gonfishing]

Eat what you kill

Eat what you kill
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.

His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"

"You'll see", he replies.

They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.

"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."

His daughter screams..."Don't eat it, Jimmy !...... It's a fu***ng arsehole...!!!"


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[gonfishing]

Real boaty stuff!!!

Lord Horatio Nelson
Lord Nelson is on his flagship, HMS Victory, and the lookout shouts "Spanish Armada on the Port bow", Nelson shouts for his cabin boy and says "go to my cabin and bring me my three cornered hat, my telescope and my red coat".

After a minute or so, the boy comes with the requested items and gives them to Nelson. As he hands them over he says to Nelson "I know why you want your hat and telescope sir, but why do you want your red coat?"

Nelson replies "it's for camoflage, if I'm wounded in battle, the men will carry on fighting because they will be unable to see my blood because of the red coat that I wear, and because they'll not know that I'm injured, we may be able to defeat the Spanish"

The Royal Navy, due to Lord Nelson see off the Spanish Armada.

A couple of days later the lookout shouts "Spanish fleet on the Port bow." Nelson looks and thinks 'oh shit' he shouts for his cabin boy and says to him " bring me my three cornered hat, my telescope and my brown corduroy trousers."


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