jimi
Well-known member
Just trying to establish if there is a demand for this?
Agony Aunt Convention
- Thread starter jimi
- Start date
claymore
Well-known member
I have an Aunty Lucy who was bothered with her piles...I think she was probably in agony with them - is this the kind of thing you're after?
StugeronSteve
New member
Yes indeed.
2 Samuel 16:20
2 Samuel 16:20
aitchw
New member
Do you mean convention as in 'big gathering' or as in 'Geneva'? Makes a difference you know!
jimi
Well-known member
Well I sort of thought that there might be a big bdemand for this sort of service soon?
Rowana
Two steps lower than the ships' cat
And what, pray, brings you to this conclusion ??
tome
New member
[ QUOTE ]
Well I sort of thought that there might be a big bdemand for this sort of service soon?
[/ QUOTE ]
I think this is very far sighted of you Jimi. I can see a gnashing of teeth coming, count me in!
Auntie Thomasina
Well I sort of thought that there might be a big bdemand for this sort of service soon?
[/ QUOTE ]
I think this is very far sighted of you Jimi. I can see a gnashing of teeth coming, count me in!
Auntie Thomasina
powerskipper
Well-known member
I am a good listener,
when you can get a word in.!!!
when you can get a word in.!!!
StugeronSteve
New member
Dear Aunt Jimi,
One is shortly to marry a rather charming man of somewhat unconventional appearance and, as one is no oil painting oneself, we will be eminently suited.
One's betrothed has, in the past, expressed a desire to act as one's sanitary protection. However, as one is now well past one's sell by date this function is, alas, no longer required, will he be disappointed?
Will HRT help?
Yours, C.
One is shortly to marry a rather charming man of somewhat unconventional appearance and, as one is no oil painting oneself, we will be eminently suited.
One's betrothed has, in the past, expressed a desire to act as one's sanitary protection. However, as one is now well past one's sell by date this function is, alas, no longer required, will he be disappointed?
Will HRT help?
Yours, C.
zefender
Active member
HRT - His Royal Tottie?
iangrant
New member
Dear Jimi
I am becoming very worried about myself. Should I have come out of the closet. Lots of relegious people have been quoting references to verses about sodomy and the like I'm not that kind of girl, In fact I'm a lesbian.
I posted my picture on this forum and still had no offers of a date, flowers, cards, nothing!
I know that Tome has had at least two offers of adult friendship from three Emsworth fishermen and a boat repairer.
What do you think I am doing wrong Aunt Jimmy
Please help I am at my wits end.
Iona (at weekends)
I am becoming very worried about myself. Should I have come out of the closet. Lots of relegious people have been quoting references to verses about sodomy and the like I'm not that kind of girl, In fact I'm a lesbian.
I posted my picture on this forum and still had no offers of a date, flowers, cards, nothing!
I know that Tome has had at least two offers of adult friendship from three Emsworth fishermen and a boat repairer.
What do you think I am doing wrong Aunt Jimmy
Please help I am at my wits end.
Iona (at weekends)
Forbsie
New member
[ QUOTE ]
I think this is very far sighted of you Jimi. I can see a gnashing of teeth coming, count me in!
[/ QUOTE ]
I wondered what that noise was. I suppose I'd better go and put them back in. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
.
I think this is very far sighted of you Jimi. I can see a gnashing of teeth coming, count me in!
[/ QUOTE ]
I wondered what that noise was. I suppose I'd better go and put them back in. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
.
powerskipper
Well-known member
Dear C
First refresh your memory on some of the things require to under take this activity, there are many book or examples to be found on the Internet.
Invest in a supple of HRT and KY jelly. If you are glasses wearers , remove them before activity, this will have 2 advantages,
1st , no , extra expenses re new glasses, and
2nd, blurred images are more suggestive.
Do not worrie about this side of it, if it gets to much, buy a house with a large garden and insist on it being kept immaculately.
Your Auntie J
First refresh your memory on some of the things require to under take this activity, there are many book or examples to be found on the Internet.
Invest in a supple of HRT and KY jelly. If you are glasses wearers , remove them before activity, this will have 2 advantages,
1st , no , extra expenses re new glasses, and
2nd, blurred images are more suggestive.
Do not worrie about this side of it, if it gets to much, buy a house with a large garden and insist on it being kept immaculately.
Your Auntie J
ParaHandy
Active member
is that Aunt Lucy who lives in Hythe? her piles are jist ... immovable, mon, ye ken ...
jimi
Well-known member
Dear Lucy, I have found on the web a solution ...
Mathematical solution for haemmorhoids
Alan Turing developed a mathematical model for the patterns you get on stripey and spotty animals. Suppose each bit of the skin is either light or dark. Bits will tend to be light or dark if all their neighbours are light or dark: bits on the edge, with half light and half dark neighbours can change to preserve the average lightness or darkness in the region. You can simulate this with discrete cellular automata, but there are also continuous differential equations with the same properties.
There are some simple predictions. The regions of light and dark will tend to have smooth edges. If the light-to-dark ratio is close to 0.5 then you will get lines: if it isn't, then you will tend to get spots. However, where the animal is strongly curved, like the tail of a leopard, you will get stripes that run around the tail. Spots are pretty stable, but stripes tend to straighten up until the run around the animal, and incomplete stripes tend to grow out. This last prediction was verified on angelfish only in the last few years.
Okay, now let's try the same thing on the inside of the animal. Suppose in the colon your regions are not light and dark, but convex and concave. This would normally give you a set of ridges running around the colon, but isolated blobs between the ridges could be stable. However, unlike the coloured regions we had before, these regions of concavity and convexity are changing the local geometry too. If one of these blobs was wide enough, then it could grow ridges of its own on the surface; to maintain the balance of concave and convex, the neck of the blob would grow, and you have a polyp, poor you.
If you cut off the head of polyp, you may still have the local imbalance of concavity and convexity in the bit at the base. Once the thing has healed, the most likely thing it will do is grow right back again. The right solution would seem to be to pinch up a ridge between the polyp and the nearest ridge. Instead of a line and a dot, you will have a line with a little dead-end line growing off it. When the two regions have joined, take off the clip doing the pinching. The dead-end line should shrink back into the original ridge, and never want to grow back.
Auntie Jemima
Mathematical solution for haemmorhoids
Alan Turing developed a mathematical model for the patterns you get on stripey and spotty animals. Suppose each bit of the skin is either light or dark. Bits will tend to be light or dark if all their neighbours are light or dark: bits on the edge, with half light and half dark neighbours can change to preserve the average lightness or darkness in the region. You can simulate this with discrete cellular automata, but there are also continuous differential equations with the same properties.
There are some simple predictions. The regions of light and dark will tend to have smooth edges. If the light-to-dark ratio is close to 0.5 then you will get lines: if it isn't, then you will tend to get spots. However, where the animal is strongly curved, like the tail of a leopard, you will get stripes that run around the tail. Spots are pretty stable, but stripes tend to straighten up until the run around the animal, and incomplete stripes tend to grow out. This last prediction was verified on angelfish only in the last few years.
Okay, now let's try the same thing on the inside of the animal. Suppose in the colon your regions are not light and dark, but convex and concave. This would normally give you a set of ridges running around the colon, but isolated blobs between the ridges could be stable. However, unlike the coloured regions we had before, these regions of concavity and convexity are changing the local geometry too. If one of these blobs was wide enough, then it could grow ridges of its own on the surface; to maintain the balance of concave and convex, the neck of the blob would grow, and you have a polyp, poor you.
If you cut off the head of polyp, you may still have the local imbalance of concavity and convexity in the bit at the base. Once the thing has healed, the most likely thing it will do is grow right back again. The right solution would seem to be to pinch up a ridge between the polyp and the nearest ridge. Instead of a line and a dot, you will have a line with a little dead-end line growing off it. When the two regions have joined, take off the clip doing the pinching. The dead-end line should shrink back into the original ridge, and never want to grow back.
Auntie Jemima
Rowana
Two steps lower than the ships' cat
How very com-fart-ing
ParaHandy
Active member
this wot youse mean:-
very elegant is mathematics don't ya think? i think the 2nd term covers the hythe colonic theory of piles ...
very elegant is mathematics don't ya think? i think the 2nd term covers the hythe colonic theory of piles ...
claymore
Well-known member
Colonic Irrigation
Is this where you drink beer thats not too good and get a dose of the Eartha's?
Is this where you drink beer thats not too good and get a dose of the Eartha's?
graham
Well-known member
Re: Colonic Irrigation
Funnily enough I was thinking of going into the Colonic irrigation business.The machine costs over 30 k so Ive bought a second hand electric boat toilet on ebay .A few mods to the pipework and bobs your uncle.
Any volunteers for a trial run??
Also considering suggestions for the name of our new high street salon,so far have ruled out Pipes and bums are us.
Funnily enough I was thinking of going into the Colonic irrigation business.The machine costs over 30 k so Ive bought a second hand electric boat toilet on ebay .A few mods to the pipework and bobs your uncle.
Any volunteers for a trial run??
Also considering suggestions for the name of our new high street salon,so far have ruled out Pipes and bums are us.
Rowana
Two steps lower than the ships' cat
Re: Colonic Irrigation
I'm sure you'll do well and be flushed with sucess !
I'm sure you'll do well and be flushed with sucess !