• UPDATED INFORMATION & ADVICE - PLEASE READ NOW

    'I didn't know/I wasn't told' will not be a valid defence if you fail to comply and lose your access to the off-topic area, core topic areas, or the entire YBW forum as a result. Full details can be found here, please read before you proceed.

World's best sailing joke

Gunfleet

New member
Joined
1 Jan 2002
Messages
4,524
Location
Orwell
World\'s best sailing joke

assiduous readers of t'internet news sites will have seen that the world's best joke is now officially a spike milligan effort about a hunter who shoots his companion. Leaving aside the fact that this is not the world's best joke (the world's best joke starts with 'what time is it eccles' and ends with 'here, this bit of paper aint going') what is the world's best sailing joke? Jake Kavanagh please take notes... you need to!
 

webcraft

Well-known member
Joined
8 Jul 2001
Messages
39,770
Location
Cyberspace
Re: World\'s best sailing joke

Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.

"What's this?" asked the skipper, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"

"No," explained his crew, "It's just a little wave."

- Nick
 

webcraft

Well-known member
Joined
8 Jul 2001
Messages
39,770
Location
Cyberspace
Re: World\'s best sailing joke

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "We're going to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Robben Island Ferry."

- Nick
 

webcraft

Well-known member
Joined
8 Jul 2001
Messages
39,770
Location
Cyberspace
Re: World\'s best sailing joke - another old one

A mobo-er meets an old salt in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the aging skipper's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch The mobo-er asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The raggie replies "We were caught in a huge storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as me crew were pullin' me out a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off".

"Blimey!" said the mobo-er . "What about the hook"?

"Ahhhh...", mused the old salt, "We were in a bar in Casablanca and a little disagreement ensued over a woman. In the fracas me hand got chopped off."

"Blimey!" remarked the mobo-er. "And how about the eye patch"?

"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the abashed raggie.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the questioner asked incredulously.

"Well..." said the old salt - " it was me first day with the hook."

- Nick
 

webcraft

Well-known member
Joined
8 Jul 2001
Messages
39,770
Location
Cyberspace
Re: World\'s best sailing joke - parrot

An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.

"What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"
 

theforeman

New member
Joined
6 Sep 2005
Messages
1,472
Re: World\'s best sailing joke - this isn\'t it . . .

not often this chance comes along so here goes ...
i was going to say don`t .. but in fact you have just given up the day job i believe /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
 

webcraft

Well-known member
Joined
8 Jul 2001
Messages
39,770
Location
Cyberspace
Re: World\'s best sailing joke - this isn\'t it . . .

Yep. . . no more whinging teenagers . . .

Have just run my first DS/Comp Crew coourse in blazing sunshine on the Clyde.

- Nick
 

webcraft

Well-known member
Joined
8 Jul 2001
Messages
39,770
Location
Cyberspace
Re: I say I say I say . . .

-My wife went on a sailing course in Poole

-In Dorset?

-Yes, she'd recommend it to anyone.


- Nick
 

drawp

Member
Joined
12 Jan 2002
Messages
439
Location
Reside in West Country but boat has made it to Gre
Re: World\'s best sailing joke

An old sailor was having a beer in a bar when he started chatting to the young lass who was sitting beside him. After a while he asked her, "What do you do?"
She replied "I am a lesbian."
Looking a bit puzzled, he asked "What does a lesbian do".
"When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think of is beautiful women. Then all day all I think of is beautiful women. And the last thing I think of at night is beautiful women", she replied.
He was quiet for a few minutes as he sat there thinking about this. So she asked him, "And what do you do?"
"I used to think I was a sailor," he replied. "But now I find out I am a lesbian."
 

theforeman

New member
Joined
6 Sep 2005
Messages
1,472
Re: I say I say I say . . .

good luck and happy sailing. can you say which sea school you assist ?
 

billmacfarlane

Active member
Joined
16 May 2001
Messages
1,722
Location
Brighton
Re: World\'s best sailing joke

"Mayday,Mayday,Mayday this is yacht Corporate Junket, Corporate Junket, Corporate Junket, over"
"Mayday this is Solent Coastguard. Can you give me your position sir, over"
"Solent Coastguard this is yacht Corporate Junket. I'm a director in a small engineering company, over"
 

PuffTheMagicDragon

Active member
Joined
16 May 2001
Messages
14,406
Re: World\'s best sailing joke

New coast guard trainee is left alone on watch for the first time. Before leaving him to go get a beer, the watch chief said "I won't be long. Just remember to use english when talking to the ships. Easy".

"Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is sailing yacht Seagoon. We are sinking!"

"Hellow sailing yacht Seagoon. Zis is ***burg coast guard. I have received your message."

After a couple of minutes:
"Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is sailing yacht Seagoon. We are sinking!"

Goast guard trainee replies:
"Hellow sailing yacht Seagoon. Zis is ***burg coast guard. I have received your message."

"***burg coast guard! This is sailing yacht Seagoon again! We are SINKING!! Do you understand? WE ARE SINKING!! DO SOMETHING!!"

"Err yes, sailing yacht Seagoon. Zis is ***burg coast guard. What you are sinking about pleez?"
 

jonathankent

New member
Joined
23 Dec 2005
Messages
1,733
Location
Cornwall
Re: World\'s best sailing joke

Better when heard though.... there was a link a few months back with that.....
 

AlyxSylvr

New member
Joined
28 Nov 2011
Messages
2
sailing joke

A catamaran sailing in the frostbite series race is de-masted and nearly overturned by a large wave !! This is reported in the club newsletter as a Catafrostic Dismaster.
 
Top