you thought swindleries were bad (non boaty)

[sailbadthesinner]

just been to the vets and they want £150 to lance an abcess on the cat.

now i have seen vets in practice and as a kid read all the james herriot books
so I have decided that, despite not having spent five years at bristol vet school getting pissed breaking off only occasionally breaking off to molest a cat or stick my hands up a cows arse, i can do it meself.
I have been chasing him around the kitchen with a sabatier and a prawn net to save meself money
unfortunately the cat who, was already in a bad mood after i manhandled him into his carrier, has scarpered after i forgot to secure the cat flap. he was last seen on the garage roof looking wet but victorious.
should i give in and take him to the vet?
i would get a new cat but mrs s is quite attached to the current one and might notice the difference



<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[ccscott49]

dont panic! he will come in as soon as it's food tiem and he thinks he's safe. When he does come in, lull him into a false sense of security, by igoring him, when he trys to get on your lap,let him,then grab the blighter, hold him down in pillow case acohol, nnot guinness! his abccess then lance it, get all crap out and more acohol. anti bacterial powder on the very tiny wound, bobs yer auntie! release, with cat flap closed! hhe willlove you for it later.


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[TheBoatman]

I can offer you the use of a 12 bore to lance the thing. It might mean a new cat, but hey, at least you can tell Mrs S that you tried yer best to save 150 squids<s>

<hr width=100% size=1>Just realised that the beauty of this is that you don't necessarily need the cat indoors, sitting on the garage roof will be more than aceptable!<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by TheBoatman on 08/01/2004 14:45 (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[Guest]

Lead it in the general

direction of a Jack Russel Terrier or Rotweiler ..... that'll do it !

<hr width=100% size=1>Nigel ...
So WHAT does the EU really stand for ????/forums/images/icons/cool.gif

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Re: man walks into a pub

guy 1 'say does anyone here own a rottweiler tied up outside? only my cat has just killed it'
a guy steps forward 'so how did your cat kill my 200lb rottweiler?'
guy 1 'it choked him as he tried to eat it'


<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[Twister_Ken]

Man walks into ER

Reminds me of the story about the guy who was crossing a road when he was hit by a Fiat 500.

He had to go to casualty to get it extracted.

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>

 

[Guest]

Can you see me ?

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.


<hr width=100% size=1>Nigel ...
So WHAT does the EU really stand for ????/forums/images/icons/cool.gif

 

[jhr]

Re: Can you see me ?

How does a blind parachutist know when he's nearing the ground?



His guide dog's lead goes slack...........................

Sailbad: If you are worried that SWMBO will notice a substitution for the original cat, why not buy a white one and then paint it the same pattern as your existing mog? I suggest using acrylic artist's paint because the colours won't run. Incidentally; we didn't notice an abcess on one of our cats once and eventually it burst. I won't provide details of the resultant mess, because we're entering Too Much Information territory, but believe me, you don't want to go there.

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[david_e]

Re: Fiat 500\'s

I used to have two of these, one for each foot.

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[sailorman]

same answer as squirrels
B.S.A. Superten .177 lead injection

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[Guest]

Re: Fiat 500\'s

My mother had one many moons ago ..... my briother and I borrowed it one time. It was the older one with the doors opening on the front edge, hinges at rear edge. Anyway - we got halfway down the road and both doors flew open .... bloody car stopped dead !!!! Talk about air-brakes !

I had a sense of humour then and bought my mum a Tin-opener .... told her it was an emergency car key if she ever lost the real one !!! The family nicknamed it the Spaghetti Tin .....



<hr width=100% size=1>Nigel ...
So WHAT does the EU really stand for ????/forums/images/icons/cool.gif

 

[longjohnsadler]

I believe I have some expertise in this area.
Until recently, we had two cats - Scatbrat and the late not-so-lamented Pissingpussy - as well as several horses, dogs, hens, guinea fowl, a goat.....anyway I can see you're nodding off.
We have not so much the odd vets bill as a monthly account with a freefone in the hall direct to the local practice.
I've often thought of this, but there isn't a local one to here. Take the mog into the local Blue Cross/PDSA and suggest you just found it and are handing it in. Then two days later, when they've sorted it, go back in and say you'll adopt it AND give them a £5 donation. Yeah?
OR contact Rolf Harris (www.didgeridoo.com) and suggest for a modest fee to yourself they can feature him in the next programme?
Anyway, mine's a pint of Guinness.


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[paulineb]

For god's sake Max, you told me you were an expert at handling pussies. You sure are out of practice since that ring went on your finger !

<hr width=100% size=1>Pxx

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[longjohnsadler]

Well, maybe just ones with boils on them.

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[paulineb]

Max darling, being serious for a moment. My cat Cracker had one of those on his head after getting in a fight. The little bugger just would not co-operate with a visit to the vets and in the end his head exploded. As well as saving us money, he looked really funny and sorry for himself. Like a frenchman wearing a red and yellow puss beret.

...... put plastic sheeting on yer carpets and wait for the bang !!!

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[BrendanS]

Ha! See, this one is entirely your fault, and I had nothing to do with it!

<hr width=100% size=1>There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."

 

[paulineb]

You were in the wings tho Brendan, in case my mission failed /forums/images/icons/tongue.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>Pxx

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