wife doesn't like it when boat leans over!

Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

Buy her a weeks' dinghy sailing course - it 's all an irrational fear the boat will capsize. She needs to understand about ballast ratios etc. SWMBO and me sail a Squib for mid-week racing and while she doesn't much like anything north of F4 (more about sea state than wind speed actually). If we have a southerly where we sail then F5 OK, but west/east and north kicks up a bigger sea). At least she knows it's safe with the lee 'rail' in the water. Mind you the ballast ratio is 55%.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

I tried SWIMBO out on a cat this year. She wants one! Shame they're so much more expensive, though.

What I don't understand is, how can a cat be better than a mono in heavy weather? I take comfort in knowing there's a dirty great hunk of keel stabilising a mono but on a cat theres nothing and if you get a knockdown it's game over.

What's the theory?
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

The problem is the difference in perspectives - you are thinking and she is feeling. Don't worry that SWMBO does not take a rational approach to hard info and data. Get her out in a cat and capsize the [--word removed--] so that she feels what it's like.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

A cruising cat is designed to go sideways long before she gets tippy, this is why they have smaller rigs. As cats do not have to drag 3 tons of keel allows this smaller rig to be effective while hopefully preventing capsize.

Racing cats have dagger boards which is how they are able to point better and make better into the wind, some dagger board designs have made there way into the cruising cat markets.

Dagger boards have no place on a cruising cat and IMHO should be banned under the RCD rules. With dagger boards she is prevented from going sideways, which in turn can cause........
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

It's to do with feeling out of control I think. My Sigma was wild and flew, but sometimes seeemed like a handful. My Victoria sails at a much steeper heel, and I have got used to it, she sails better, but always seems docile. A fellow club member says he has two styles of sailing....with wife and without wife.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

I am afraid this is not 'silly' and, as has been commented on already many times is quiet common.

It is a reflection of 'I am not in control' in the widest sense and is certainly not restricted to women!

Other examples of out of control experiences that are avoided/disliked by people of this disposition are:-

Roller coasters
Opposite lock situations when in a car - extreme would be being a passenger in a rally car!
Alchol (to the don't remember/out of control stage)
Parachuting
Absailing

As has been suggested a really really good trainer/teacher will deal with the issue and is worth investing in. The principle is of course to instill in the person the fact that they are in control and can competently deal with the situation. The best people for this are usually ex military trainers of the type to be found running some of the executive team building courses.

Of the above rollercoasters and blind being blind drunk are exceptions as you actually have to relish being out of control - which some people do!

All the best

PS We ended up the power boat route...........
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

It really bothers me that there is so much insistance that 'the wife' should be trained, cajoled or somehow be persuaded that they should learn to acept sailing the boat the way the husband wants to. It makes it sound like you only want their company if it is on your terms.

Personally, I am just happy she is there enjoying the experience with me. That means I don't push things when sailing together. I am happy to sail the boat differently to suit who's with me.

Of course, if in time she becomes more comfortable with the motion and attitude of the boat that will be great but in the meantime I would rather have her company and sail conservatively than sail more aggressively and not have her company.

If we come off the boat smiling and relaxed the whole reason for having the boat is justified and the odd occasion when circumstances have made the trip more challenging is less of a problem.

BTW, I do agree absolutely about having her take the helm. It is a great confidence booster and source of much pleasure to both of us.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

[ QUOTE ]
It really bothers me that there is so much insistance that 'the wife' should be trained, cajoled or somehow be persuaded that they should learn to acept sailing the boat the way the husband wants to. It makes it sound like you only want their company if it is on your terms.

[/ QUOTE ]

an excellent and very valid point.

I was certainly not suggesting cajolled and the selfish practices of an individual will show up in man things they do so boating is unlikely be different (good or bad).

my (long) comment about training was not intended to read in the manner you would appear to have taken it; it was simply recognising the fact that most men who go own a sailing vessel started pretty early out on the water - dingy's tenders, canoes, etc etc whilst in many cases the woman didn't.
Dealing with it incrementally over a long period of time is certainly one solution but is still going to have raised anxietly levels (for a long time!); killor cure is a big no no I am sure you will agree for many reasons; theoretical work has extremely limited value. This leaves highly professional practical training to build confidence, and competence, allowing the maximum amount of time together mutually enjoying your pastime.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

Duncan, I am sorry, it was not a criticism of your comments specifically. It was a reflection on the broad impression given across many posts.

I do believe in training/experience through (expert) third parties. There will never be the same potential for misunderstanding/antagonism with someone independent that there is between those who are close and influenced by all the other things that go on in their relationship.

I just really don't see any point in both parties having a miserable time aboard. I sail for pleasure. Part of that pleasure is in the sharing of precious time engaged in the best possible pastime away from the pressures of day to day life.

Making this concession is no sacrifice and does not detract from the joy of sailing.
 
Mine was incurable ...

Divorced ...

Second doesn't like it - but as long as there 2 experienced people on board she accepts it ...
 
My ex loved dinghys ...

So I thought when she came back to the bigger boat ... things would be better --- NOPE ! So I asked ... in a dinghy you will lean over and SAIL ... but back here you don't like it ... surely its safer here ... Her answer >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
But on a Dinghy you are closer to the water .....



There's no beating female logic ...
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Very few ever go back to monohulls

[/ QUOTE ]

Why would anyone want to!

[/ QUOTE ]

Just done it - because cruising cats are boring to sail. Bit like driving a campervan as compared to a car.

And they're not that easy to single hand either.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

" It really bothers me that there is so much insistance that 'the wife' should be trained, cajoled or somehow be persuaded that they should learn to acept sailing the boat the way the husband wants to. It makes it sound like you only want their company if it is on your terms."

Come on now. There is always a strong element of make believe on these forums, whether it be the size of the boat, or the weather for last weekend's sail, or the speed we did............

Training your wife is just like training the cat. You might well think thats what you're doing. but in reality its the other way round. If you sail together you sail under her terms, unless you're newly weds.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

Slightly off topic but feel I must reply to the statement that catamarans with daggerboards are less safe than those with LAR keels. On the contrary I think daggers boards are safer because:
1. Better ability upwind - thus one can claw off that lee shore.
2. In margianl conditions the windward board is used, thus if over pressed the board lifts clear and the boat will "slide" as a LAR boat will.
3. In extremis both daggers can be lifted giving a greater ability to "slide" rather trip than a LAR catamaran has.

LAR = low aspect ratio (by the way)

Back on the topic, my wife is not the keenest of sailors but is much happier on our catamaran (with dagger boards) than on her parents westerly, which is a good deal bigger. This is true off wind, much less rolling, as much as on the wind as she is not that bothered by heel.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

Yep, my wife loves a bit of rough. Long after my knuckles have gone white and the funny noise of me whimpering can be heard above the thrum of the rigging. I am not sure if she's very brave or blissfully ignorant. I do remember our once running from an enraged bull to the sound of her helpless laughter. She claims not to know fear.(In eight years time she'll hit her eighth decade)
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

A very good subject - seems to be a common problem. In our club I know several skippers whose wives just prefer to stay at home and let the old boy get on with his favourite hobby.

Personally, I would like to get to the stage where SWMBO and I can go off on the boat for a few weeks at a time, like many regular forumites, with no major concerns about the conditions. SHe had hardly sailed when we bought the boat 3 years ago, and I was given two tips by work colleagues.

1. Never shout at her, regardless of how you feel. Bite your lip, turn the other way and mutter under your breath, discuss the matter later, whatever.... just don't shout at her. This applies to all crew really, but is most important where you want to sail with the same person over a long period of time.

2. Don't scare her unnnecessarily. I was doing pretty well at this for the first two years, but spoilt it in about 15minutes one day earlier this year. We were only going from Southampton to Cowes, but the forecast F5/6 was more like F7. Worse still it was against the tide, and we had to navigate around the end of Brambles Bank. In summary, it was very choppy and all we wanted to do was get to the other side. I was furling more and more sail to keep the boat upright, to the extent that we had very little forward power, and I actually ended up motor sailing just to get out of it. SWMBO still says she was frightened by it, even though I knew there was little danger.

So now we are back to confidence building again. I have explained about ballast and centres of buoyancy etc, which is all very well in theory, but in practice it takes time to build confidence. Part of the problem is that she can't get comfortable and brace herself in the cockpit because her legs are too short!

With all this in mind, I am more than ready to put in a reef or even two to keep the boat more upright. Quite often, she sails just as fast or only a little slower, so it makes little difference. I do get a frustrated if we can't point as high as I would like, but again its a small price to pay. I can catch up on the macho gunwale-in-the-water stuff on plenty of other occasions when I am sailing with mates.

So the bottom line of all this, for me, is not to push it any more than is acceptable - we are out there to enjoy ourselves both now and as long as possible into the future.
 
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!

Well said, why would anybody want to scare people off? only stupid bravado, soon they will find it difficult to get sailing companions. Like yourself if people come out with me I want them to enjoy the experience.
 
Re: My ex loved dinghys ...

I have to disagree (a bit). Our last boat was light and very beamy. Initial stability was great but it didn't take much of a gust to get the boat heeled a very long way very quickly. As it was so beamy, we ended up a fair way above the water when heeled. Both my wife and I found this rather more disconcerting than our current boat - which is the complete opposite. Despite being several feet longer, it is a copule of feet narrower too! The result is a boat that is initially quite tender but needs a real gale to knock it over on its ear. Also, it's more like sailing a canoe, or even a log! As the hull is so narrow, heeling doesn't lift us up as high out of the water, just rotates us about the waterline! An extreme example would be a catamaran dinghy. You quickly get a long way above the water as one hull lifts! So, I can see her point to be honest!

Incidentally, has there been any work done on the "rate-of-change-of-heel-angle" as a factor in getting scared? Our last one stayed pretty level for a long time and then would heel very suddenly. This one heels a lot in gentle winds and then progressively stiffens up greatly. We both find the latter much more reassuring than the former at any given angle of heel.

Anyway if its any consolation, Herdman, Just as I started feeling really smug about having a wife who loved sailing every bit as much as me, we ended up having kids and now she's just gone all "mumsy" and has gone completely off sailing to the extent where I could probably have sold the boat 2 years ago and she wouldn't have noticed yet!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Top