[2574]
...
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
I'll stick with the fish I've got thanks very much
I'll stick with the fish I've got thanks very much
wife doesn't like it when boat leans over!
- Thread starter herdman
- Start date
Gin
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
A question occurs to me on each of the posts here.
Who is doing the driving?
The person on the helm has greatest control so the timid, if given the helm, can be encouraged to push the boat further and further whilst being encouraged by the relaxed attitude of his/her crew to the angle of heel, and so gain confidence.
Whereas if the fearful one is crewing then he/she has no idea of what the helm is intending or to what extent going to- rather like being in the passenger seat of an erratically driven car I suspect.
Try to use a bit of imagination and thoughtfulness and your joint discomfort might actually disappear.
A skipper who is intolerant of crew apprehension and even worse takes delight in it is no skipper at all, just a tyrant.
Well that ought to get you macho types going shouldn't it, so go to it but don't sheet in too hard please you may scare me!!
A question occurs to me on each of the posts here.
Who is doing the driving?
The person on the helm has greatest control so the timid, if given the helm, can be encouraged to push the boat further and further whilst being encouraged by the relaxed attitude of his/her crew to the angle of heel, and so gain confidence.
Whereas if the fearful one is crewing then he/she has no idea of what the helm is intending or to what extent going to- rather like being in the passenger seat of an erratically driven car I suspect.
Try to use a bit of imagination and thoughtfulness and your joint discomfort might actually disappear.
A skipper who is intolerant of crew apprehension and even worse takes delight in it is no skipper at all, just a tyrant.
Well that ought to get you macho types going shouldn't it, so go to it but don't sheet in too hard please you may scare me!!
kengill
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
Did that years ago. I haven't mowed the lawn for five years - and SWMBO has not sailed during that time either .
Off down there tonight to save the early morning drive, glass of hot milk dilute with Famous Grouse to taste... why am I here? I should be in the car
Bye
/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Did that years ago. I haven't mowed the lawn for five years - and SWMBO has not sailed during that time either .
Off down there tonight to save the early morning drive, glass of hot milk dilute with Famous Grouse to taste... why am I here? I should be in the car
Bye
/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Birdseye
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
Been there. Sold my first boat when a nice beat under full sail in a F3 caused complaints culminating in dropping out of the club regatta.
So we bought a cat. She was really happy with that boat - a floating caravan with double beds big kitchen etc. Even went across Biscay in it with no anxiety. But I was bored - crusing cats are no fun to sail..
So we sold the cat and have bought another mono. Too early to know whether its going to work out this time, but as several people have said, putting her on the helm will help.
Logical explanations of heeling and the physics involved simply dont work. Since when have women been logical?
Can only wish you the best of luck. You are very definitely not alone with this problem.
Been there. Sold my first boat when a nice beat under full sail in a F3 caused complaints culminating in dropping out of the club regatta.
So we bought a cat. She was really happy with that boat - a floating caravan with double beds big kitchen etc. Even went across Biscay in it with no anxiety. But I was bored - crusing cats are no fun to sail..
So we sold the cat and have bought another mono. Too early to know whether its going to work out this time, but as several people have said, putting her on the helm will help.
Logical explanations of heeling and the physics involved simply dont work. Since when have women been logical?
Can only wish you the best of luck. You are very definitely not alone with this problem.
Spyro
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
Absolutely no point in trying to explain spilling wind and heavy keels to woman who doesn't like it "tippy", they've already made their mind up by then, and they don't change them for whatever a man says.
And I know this will cause controversy but one to avoid is a pre-menstrual woman on a boat who does not like being there! Reasoning is not there strong suit.
AVOID THIS SITUATUATION AT ALL COST!
Absolutely no point in trying to explain spilling wind and heavy keels to woman who doesn't like it "tippy", they've already made their mind up by then, and they don't change them for whatever a man says.
And I know this will cause controversy but one to avoid is a pre-menstrual woman on a boat who does not like being there! Reasoning is not there strong suit.
AVOID THIS SITUATUATION AT ALL COST!
ruthhobson
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
I have a worse problem I dislike helming in light winds!
But next year we are on holiday with a bloke who doesn't like the tippy thing or deep water ........ his six year old daughter will happily tell people that her Dad nearly **** his pants on Ullswater. So any tips for blokes will be appreciated!
But seriously have you been out with a sailing school? A partner can gain real confidence from a calm instructor and take on more responsibility.
We'll be doing a weekend with Steve at Second Wind Sailing in Troon before we go away next year - just to give our nervous friend some extra confidence.
HTH
I have a worse problem I dislike helming in light winds!
But next year we are on holiday with a bloke who doesn't like the tippy thing or deep water ........ his six year old daughter will happily tell people that her Dad nearly **** his pants on Ullswater. So any tips for blokes will be appreciated!
But seriously have you been out with a sailing school? A partner can gain real confidence from a calm instructor and take on more responsibility.
We'll be doing a weekend with Steve at Second Wind Sailing in Troon before we go away next year - just to give our nervous friend some extra confidence.
HTH
oldharry
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
[ QUOTE ]
What to do is to take your wife outside, at home, and show her something she already knows and understands -the car......
[/ QUOTE ]
Oh dear me no! Thats FAR too logical. As one who has a wife that loves sailing provided the boat stays upright, the sun stays shining, and the sea stays calm (how boring can it get!) any such explanation would be linked to one of THOSE looks - and a comment that it still tips up anyway. The car doesn't so as the boat is heavier it should not. You do it on purpose. You then start getting THAT look on the motorway on a windy day, as she is now expecting the car to start tipping up because it is lighter than the boat.... well thats what you SAID!
I am afraid that you cannot win. Logical explanations make no difference. It is the leaning over bit that worries them. The only solution - buy a Catamaran and go and live abroad in the sun.
[ QUOTE ]
What to do is to take your wife outside, at home, and show her something she already knows and understands -the car......
[/ QUOTE ]
Oh dear me no! Thats FAR too logical. As one who has a wife that loves sailing provided the boat stays upright, the sun stays shining, and the sea stays calm (how boring can it get!) any such explanation would be linked to one of THOSE looks - and a comment that it still tips up anyway. The car doesn't so as the boat is heavier it should not. You do it on purpose. You then start getting THAT look on the motorway on a windy day, as she is now expecting the car to start tipping up because it is lighter than the boat.... well thats what you SAID!
I am afraid that you cannot win. Logical explanations make no difference. It is the leaning over bit that worries them. The only solution - buy a Catamaran and go and live abroad in the sun.
Bladerunner
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
I hate it when my boat heels over ! Because of this I'm selling it. I just can't get used to the experience.
It's not that I hate sailing I just don't like it when the boat heels ! /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif
I had an 'interesting' sail back in the summer with the bosun and the commodore from my club.
35 knots of wind gusting to 40 and we were on a 22 foot yacht (gallion 22, lovely boat. Took 30 minutes to pump the water from the bilge when we got back). We were still in the river before going into open water and I mentioned that I was a little concerned about the angle of heel. The bosun, whose boat it was, said 'don't worry she stiffens up when the windows are in the water' !
I laughed because I thought he was joking.
I endured 3 hours of purgatory ! I was terrified so I can sympathise with your wife. I understand the physics behind the boat not 'falling over' but I know I'm never going to get used to it. /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
I hate it when my boat heels over ! Because of this I'm selling it. I just can't get used to the experience.
It's not that I hate sailing I just don't like it when the boat heels ! /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif
I had an 'interesting' sail back in the summer with the bosun and the commodore from my club.
35 knots of wind gusting to 40 and we were on a 22 foot yacht (gallion 22, lovely boat. Took 30 minutes to pump the water from the bilge when we got back). We were still in the river before going into open water and I mentioned that I was a little concerned about the angle of heel. The bosun, whose boat it was, said 'don't worry she stiffens up when the windows are in the water' !
I laughed because I thought he was joking.
I endured 3 hours of purgatory ! I was terrified so I can sympathise with your wife. I understand the physics behind the boat not 'falling over' but I know I'm never going to get used to it. /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
amadeus
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
I sail a 28 foot racing boat and my husband occasionally crews for me. He is an experienced dinghy sailor but he is not interested in offshore sailing. He gets bored easily! When we delivered the boat from Christchurch to Topsham on the Exe we got caught out in an easterly gale that came out of nowhere and he got rather frightened. I can appreciate that with an untried boat and an inexperienced skipper in challenging conditions he was quite reasonably alarmed but the three kids and I were all very calm and brave! We have come to the conclusion after travelling extensively on land as well as sailing that dad is not as brave as mum, is not good on rollercoasters and scary rides, and is best left at home if there is an offshore race in dodgy weather. He is quite happy about this. None of us should make sexist assumptions about an individual's level of physical bravery (or foolhardiness). Timid beginners can become brave and reliable sailors but some will not, in fact they may never come out sailing again. This relates more to how the skipper and the rest of the crew react and whether they are kept warm, well clothed and fed. A good skipper needs to think about the well being of the weakest member to have a happy boat.
I sail a 28 foot racing boat and my husband occasionally crews for me. He is an experienced dinghy sailor but he is not interested in offshore sailing. He gets bored easily! When we delivered the boat from Christchurch to Topsham on the Exe we got caught out in an easterly gale that came out of nowhere and he got rather frightened. I can appreciate that with an untried boat and an inexperienced skipper in challenging conditions he was quite reasonably alarmed but the three kids and I were all very calm and brave! We have come to the conclusion after travelling extensively on land as well as sailing that dad is not as brave as mum, is not good on rollercoasters and scary rides, and is best left at home if there is an offshore race in dodgy weather. He is quite happy about this. None of us should make sexist assumptions about an individual's level of physical bravery (or foolhardiness). Timid beginners can become brave and reliable sailors but some will not, in fact they may never come out sailing again. This relates more to how the skipper and the rest of the crew react and whether they are kept warm, well clothed and fed. A good skipper needs to think about the well being of the weakest member to have a happy boat.
TheBoatman
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
My wife is the same she's not a sailor and hates it when the boat gets "tippy" (her words not mine). As soon as the boat heels, she's off below to her bunk and I don't see her until we put the engine on then she pops up again. No matter what I say to convince her she's safe she just doesn't believe me. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
My wife is the same she's not a sailor and hates it when the boat gets "tippy" (her words not mine). As soon as the boat heels, she's off below to her bunk and I don't see her until we put the engine on then she pops up again. No matter what I say to convince her she's safe she just doesn't believe me. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
William_H
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
It seems that wives are more concerned when their own husband is captain of the boat. You may find that on someone elses boat show will be more trusting. This way she might get used to it more quiickly.
However the best option is to give her control of the helm and if possible the mainsheet so that she controls the degree of heel. (especially on a little boat) she might soon discover that you don't go so well without some heel.
Good luck and be patient. olewill
It seems that wives are more concerned when their own husband is captain of the boat. You may find that on someone elses boat show will be more trusting. This way she might get used to it more quiickly.
However the best option is to give her control of the helm and if possible the mainsheet so that she controls the degree of heel. (especially on a little boat) she might soon discover that you don't go so well without some heel.
Good luck and be patient. olewill
boatmike
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
Many people buy a catamaran for this very reason and then find all the other advantages. Very few ever go back to monohulls.
Many people buy a catamaran for this very reason and then find all the other advantages. Very few ever go back to monohulls.
Talbot
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
[ QUOTE ]
Very few ever go back to monohulls
[/ QUOTE ]
Why would anyone want to!
[ QUOTE ]
Very few ever go back to monohulls
[/ QUOTE ]
Why would anyone want to!
Glyka
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
My wife also could not bear more than 15 degrees. In spite of all the explanations and the discussions with our friends whenever the heel started to be 15+ she requested motoring and of course I did so.
This year we returned from our holidays in the Aegean to Pireus with a F7 on sails making 9 knots at times and she really appreciated the more comfortable sailing compared to that of motoring. What helped to this change?
<ul type="square"> [*]Time (as always). This was our 7th sailing year (5th with our own boat).
[*] Sailing with other people on board especially with one of the two best friends of ours that happen to be professional skippers (Although I'm not so unexperienced myself, Glyka being my 3rd boat). [*]Racing. Short regattas in the Saronic gulf, with all these people around (I think that passing the other boat is an instinctive urge present in both sexes). I will wait long though until we make the Kea regatta (Sailing at night in a cargo vessel passage on a F8/9 is something I'm not sure I like myself). [*]Giving the helm. The first time I did it in a regatta on a beat at F3 I could not stop taking photos (you can see two of them below). She was so concentrated and enjoyed it so much, I couldn't believe it.
[/list]
So, do not despair, be patient and good luck /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
My wife also could not bear more than 15 degrees. In spite of all the explanations and the discussions with our friends whenever the heel started to be 15+ she requested motoring and of course I did so.
This year we returned from our holidays in the Aegean to Pireus with a F7 on sails making 9 knots at times and she really appreciated the more comfortable sailing compared to that of motoring. What helped to this change?
<ul type="square"> [*]Time (as always). This was our 7th sailing year (5th with our own boat).
[*] Sailing with other people on board especially with one of the two best friends of ours that happen to be professional skippers (Although I'm not so unexperienced myself, Glyka being my 3rd boat). [*]Racing. Short regattas in the Saronic gulf, with all these people around (I think that passing the other boat is an instinctive urge present in both sexes). I will wait long though until we make the Kea regatta (Sailing at night in a cargo vessel passage on a F8/9 is something I'm not sure I like myself). [*]Giving the helm. The first time I did it in a regatta on a beat at F3 I could not stop taking photos (you can see two of them below). She was so concentrated and enjoyed it so much, I couldn't believe it.
[/list]
So, do not despair, be patient and good luck /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
peteandthira
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
I'm not sure what all this macho stuff about heeling is all about. Neither of us fear heeling, we just prefer it to stop at around 20 degrees and this determines our reefing strategy. We don't go any faster when heeled over anyway, in fact often increase speed when heel is reduced by taking in some sail.
No big deal!
Pops
I'm not sure what all this macho stuff about heeling is all about. Neither of us fear heeling, we just prefer it to stop at around 20 degrees and this determines our reefing strategy. We don't go any faster when heeled over anyway, in fact often increase speed when heel is reduced by taking in some sail.
No big deal!
Pops
catmandoo
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
Gosh the penny has dropped . Its to do with nookie .
Women do not like distractions during sex
Gosh the penny has dropped . Its to do with nookie .
Women do not like distractions during sex
peteandthira
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
Ah! You still get nookie!
Ah! You still get nookie!
snowleopard
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
[ QUOTE ]
...You could always try the third option of trading the boat in for a Cat, but that's a bit extreme.
[/ QUOTE ]
A dangerous thing to do. If she gets used to comfort, space and a galley that works on all points of sailing you'll never get the boat to yourself /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
[ QUOTE ]
...You could always try the third option of trading the boat in for a Cat, but that's a bit extreme.
[/ QUOTE ]
A dangerous thing to do. If she gets used to comfort, space and a galley that works on all points of sailing you'll never get the boat to yourself /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
Slow_boat
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
Totally agree that to much heel reduces speed. As a rule of thumb I try to keep the gunwale a good few inches out of the water at the very least.
On hols this year there was a young couple with young kids who had only sailed dinghies before. I couldn't believe that he did 5 hours in a Jenneau 34 closed hauled into F6 under full; sail, just spilling the wind when it got to much. I called him up as we stomped passed with a couple of reefs in and he said he was enjoying it! His wife wasn't though, as we all found out later.
As a matter of interest, my lady wife isn't keen on heeling on an AWB but is quite happy on our little Vivacity partly because you are always braced against something without having to stretch, partly because the boat 'wraps around' her (her words!) and partly because, being smaller in every way things are much more manageable for her.
Totally agree that to much heel reduces speed. As a rule of thumb I try to keep the gunwale a good few inches out of the water at the very least.
On hols this year there was a young couple with young kids who had only sailed dinghies before. I couldn't believe that he did 5 hours in a Jenneau 34 closed hauled into F6 under full; sail, just spilling the wind when it got to much. I called him up as we stomped passed with a couple of reefs in and he said he was enjoying it! His wife wasn't though, as we all found out later.
As a matter of interest, my lady wife isn't keen on heeling on an AWB but is quite happy on our little Vivacity partly because you are always braced against something without having to stretch, partly because the boat 'wraps around' her (her words!) and partly because, being smaller in every way things are much more manageable for her.
Lakesailor
Well-Known Member
Re: wife doesn\'t like it when boat leans over!
[ QUOTE ]
she might soon discover that you don't go so well without some heel.
[/ QUOTE ] Since when did boat speed become an issue. When I point out that a similar size boat, but probably fin keel or a bit more racy is going quicker in the same breeze I get a puzzled look.
I think it's an unanswerable question. "Why do you want to go as fast as that boat?"
Now I enjoy being out on the water on a beautiful day just for the sake of it as well. But I do like to think I'm making decent progress and getting the most out of the breeze. My wife doesn't get super-agitated or treat me to silences, but would prefer it if we kept on more of an even keel. It's not so much the angle of the heel, it's the transition in a gust. I don't think they can see that there will be a point of balance.
You either get it, or you don't. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
[ QUOTE ]
she might soon discover that you don't go so well without some heel.
[/ QUOTE ] Since when did boat speed become an issue. When I point out that a similar size boat, but probably fin keel or a bit more racy is going quicker in the same breeze I get a puzzled look.
I think it's an unanswerable question. "Why do you want to go as fast as that boat?"
Now I enjoy being out on the water on a beautiful day just for the sake of it as well. But I do like to think I'm making decent progress and getting the most out of the breeze. My wife doesn't get super-agitated or treat me to silences, but would prefer it if we kept on more of an even keel. It's not so much the angle of the heel, it's the transition in a gust. I don't think they can see that there will be a point of balance.
You either get it, or you don't. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif