D
Deleted member 478
Guest
What is the forum coming to?
Neraida
Well-Known Member
I was thinking along the same lines myself. Bored at work, forum dead. YAWN. Roll on 4:30 then yeehaaaa and it's the weekend!
D
Deleted member 478
Guest
You have my permission to leave early today and if someone objects, tell them they can take it up with me.
jhr
Well-Known Member
Thieves broke into a police station yesterday and removed all of the toilets.
A police spokesman said that their enquiries were not getting anywhere, because they had nothing to go on........
A police spokesman said that their enquiries were not getting anywhere, because they had nothing to go on........
D
Deleted member 478
Guest
How do you know when Gordon Brown is lying?
His lips move.
What happens when he dies?
He lies still.
His lips move.
What happens when he dies?
He lies still.
Phoenix of Hamble
Well-Known Member
Neraida
Well-Known Member
Thank you,
I shall and in the meantime please re-size that bloody awful slimey arsed boat picture pleeeeeaaaaase. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif :ma
I shall and in the meantime please re-size that bloody awful slimey arsed boat picture pleeeeeaaaaase. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif :ma
D
Deleted member 478
Guest
Sorry, I can't resize it because it's on your website. You'll have to do it yourself
cliff
Well-Known Member
Just for Stingo......
[ QUOTE ]
What is the forum coming to?
[/ QUOTE ]Duh!, donno...
Politically Incorrect Commandments
God went to the Zulus and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
And the Zulus asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So He went to the Xhosas and said, "I have Commandments."
And the xhosas wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are."
So He went to the Coloreds and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Coloreds wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
He went to the Whites and said, "I have Commandments."
The Whites wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
He went to the Indians and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."
The Health Minister
The health minister Manto Msimang visiting a psychiatric ward. She asks the head of psychology "How do you determine if a patient is cured."
The psychologist explains. "We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub"
"I see," says the health minister, "the cured person would choose the cup because it's bigger, and would empty the tub faster".
"Actually no," replies the psychologist, "a normal person would simply pull the plug".
----------
“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity”
Skype id:cliffillupo
[ QUOTE ]
What is the forum coming to?
[/ QUOTE ]Duh!, donno...
Politically Incorrect Commandments
God went to the Zulus and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
And the Zulus asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So He went to the Xhosas and said, "I have Commandments."
And the xhosas wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are."
So He went to the Coloreds and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Coloreds wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
He went to the Whites and said, "I have Commandments."
The Whites wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
He went to the Indians and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."
The Health Minister
The health minister Manto Msimang visiting a psychiatric ward. She asks the head of psychology "How do you determine if a patient is cured."
The psychologist explains. "We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub"
"I see," says the health minister, "the cured person would choose the cup because it's bigger, and would empty the tub faster".
"Actually no," replies the psychologist, "a normal person would simply pull the plug".
----------
Skype id:cliffillupo
cliff
Well-Known Member
And for Das Boot.........
It's great to be a Souf Efrikan...
This is a great country because .......
1. You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
2. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.
4. You can experience kak service in eleven official languages.
5. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?
6. It's the only country in the world where striking workers show how angry they are by dancing.
7. You're considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cellphone (without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up, read the newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph on the highway.
8. Great accent. (!!!)
9. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in the most dangerous city in the world.
10. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for your house.
11. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.
12. The police are the first on the scene for most major crimes, without being called.
13. Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
14. Illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate is too high.
15. The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported.
16. When a murderer gets a 6 month sentence and a pirate TV viewer 2 years.
17. The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!
18. The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they are burgled
19. Police cars are fitted with immobilisers and gearlocks!
----------
“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity”
Skype id:cliffillupo
It's great to be a Souf Efrikan...
This is a great country because .......
1. You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
2. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.
4. You can experience kak service in eleven official languages.
5. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?
6. It's the only country in the world where striking workers show how angry they are by dancing.
7. You're considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cellphone (without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up, read the newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph on the highway.
8. Great accent. (!!!)
9. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in the most dangerous city in the world.
10. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for your house.
11. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.
12. The police are the first on the scene for most major crimes, without being called.
13. Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
14. Illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate is too high.
15. The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported.
16. When a murderer gets a 6 month sentence and a pirate TV viewer 2 years.
17. The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!
18. The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they are burgled
19. Police cars are fitted with immobilisers and gearlocks!
----------
Skype id:cliffillupo
tugboat
Well-Known Member
Passed a petshop the other day. There was an unusual looking kitten in a cage in the window with a label 'Rare Amsterdam cat'. I went in and asked the assistant 'How Dutch is that moggie in the window?' /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
[credit to Richard Whitely]
[credit to Richard Whitely]
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