Think lateral.......

boatone

boatone

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Joined
29 Jul 2001
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Just a few cables from Boulters Lock
www.tmba.org.uk
A man fell overboard from his little boat, and was thrashing around in the water when another boat pulled up. -"Jump in, we'll save you" - they screamed. -"No" - cried the drowning man, - "God will save me". The scene was repeated twice and then a helicopter hovered over the man. -"We came to rescue you" - yelled the pilot. -"No, God will save me" - was the response again. The man drowned, and as he crossed the Pearly Gates, he ran straight to Jesus. -"I placed my faith in You, and You let me drown?!

""Hey!" said Jesus. "I sent three boats and a helicopter".



TonyR
boatone@boatsontheweb.com
 
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Guest

Guest
Re: Three!!!

At last a joke that won't get chucked. Our nine-year olds headmaster told it at speech day. Still very good tho.... and whilst we're about it:



The trappist monks can't talk. they sit about in the monastery praying silently, day in, day out, month in, month out. A newbie moink joins them, but he has to take the vow too.

Once a year, they allow themselvbes to speak, A great din as they all welcome the newbie, and chat at high speed in the available five minutes. They tell jokes. Sure, they've all heard them but the laughter and the interaction is so intoxicating that any joke will do. Years go by, and each time it's the same: the monks know all the jokes so well that they don't actually tell the jokes in longhand, they simply refer to the reference number. "Number 16!" says one of them and the younger monks double up with laughter whilst the older ones groan and roll their eyes. "Fifty three!!!!" says another and they laugh their socks off, (althou a few wince cos that's a rude one) saving precious time in the process. And of course the same goes for number eleven, as above in the thread. And so it goes on, each time simply shouting out a number rather than waste time telling the whole joke in full. The newbie monk thinks this is a little strange, but doesn't want to feel left out so after a few years he decides to join : "A hundred and twenty three !!! he ventures. All of the monks without exception hoot with laughter. He quietly his neighbour asks why they're laughing so very very much: "Well we've never heard that one before!!!...."
 
G

Guest

Guest
Re: Three!!!

what on earth are you on about? There's no such joke. :)
 
G

Guest

Guest
Re: Three!!!

Despite acts of great heroism, three British soldiers returned from Afghanistan without being decorated. The captain called them into his office to explain.
"Bit of a cock-up in the medals department, chaps," he said, "so the regiment has decided to give you ten pounds sterling for each inch of measurement between any two parts of your bodies. Private, which measurement for you?"
"Tip of me toes to the top of me head, sah!"
"That's 720 pounds. Well done, private. Corporal?"
"Tip of one hand to the tip of the other, me arms outstretched, sah!"
The captain took the measurement. "Six feet, two inches....740 pounds. Very good, corporal. Sergeant, how about you?"
"Tip of me dick to me balls, sah!"
"Very well. Drop your trousers, then."
The captain put his tape measure at one end of the man's penis, then looked up and asked, "Where are your balls, Sergeant?" " Afghanistan, sah!"
 
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