The Great Race - result?

[Twister_Ken]

'Twixt our man from Bratfut, and Wee Jummie?

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[jimi]

Weel .. there was a wee bit of confusion. Knowing how devious TCM can be, with this impression being reinforced by his arrival in a Bav 37 rather than the promised 34, I was alert to foul play. TCM waited until he saw me having a kip and then tried to sneak past without me seeing. Being on the alert to such sneaky sassenach tactical manouevring I immediatedly jumped up , hauled up the anchor (Delta) detached 3 others that had appearently been left there by some Bav 34 and shot out of Newton Creek in hot pursuit. I quickly spotted a boat a bit ahead hauuling up its sails and deduced it was TCM on a flier. A couple of miles later as the boat in question went to the south of the brambles, I took the shortcut into Soton water to the north and won the race.

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[tcm]

Steward\'s Inquiry please: the facts

i posted a bit bout this in the Solent meet forum.

1530 hours was the agreed time for the race with jimi, starting from west of the leading line into Newtown Creek.

But from inside Newtown creek I had failed to find Jimi or raise him on the radio. he was v quiet, and skulking elsewhere. Someonw said they saw him perhaps at anchor in the west side.

But no matter, Perhaps jimi is all very racified, at this moment practising runs at the line while we are poncing about drinking sailbad's very nice Tattinger. So, at about 1440 hours we pulled up the anchor (well, sailbad did and covered himself with sheep shit from the seabed, cos no blimmin leccy anchor) and we cruised around looking for him. But we decided that he was obviously playing mind games, and would surprise us as happened previously at Bannockburn 1309 (AD)

No sign of Jimi. Hm. We got worried and v suspicious. Perhaps the git has already nipped out and is taking up a position on the startline ("in line with the leading line to Newtown creek") maybe a mile or three out into the solent. After all, he set the course. Bugger. Then there was the finish line too, round the back of calshot, i bet he would know how near inside the red markers he could go. Git.

We found the line, and made our way out a mile or so, finding 25knots of wind away from the lee of the hills. But jimi might have been further out?

Meanwhile jimi (who is evidently not very racified) had seen us go out of newtown creek and thought "Aha the sassenach bastids ! they're setting off early!" so he hauled up his anchor(s) and got out just after 15:00ish, by which time we were a mile out to sea but behind the line altho nowhere to be seen from a brief look around harbour entrance. Jimi saw that one of the several zillion boats in the solent was putting sails up, and assumed it was our boat. Cursing us, he hoisted his sails as fast as possible, and set off back to mercury. A definite case of red (tartan) mist descending, I believe.

15:26 we finally made radio contact. He sed something along the lines of what about some lunch and we sed har har, no matey we've got this race, in 4 minutes and he said ok. So we spotted another AWB and aha that's him! We set off over the line at 1530 as agreed, tho later discovered twas not Jimi.

I reckon that he's broken the rules and I win. I expect that he probably thought "hah I am now a YM, and that daft stinky will be a titpot about sailing or racing and will haul the anchor at 3:20 and bosh out there". Instead of which we performed incredibly clever weaving about strategical movements for half an hour behind the line, eventually whipping down the line at 3.29 and fifty five seconds, and belting over the line at 8 knots and er immediately broaching cos turning the engine off was fiddly and we had quite lot of sail up, and also ahem the backstay was loose.

Also, we were so honest that we didn't turn the engine on even once! The kids did come up and ask why the engine wasn't working, and Sailbad gave them a lecture about not cheating with which I heartily agreed and managed to gettem to go downstairs for some chocolate which stopped the puzzled looks so they didn't say anything like yeah ok Sailbad, but we usually do have the engine on in sailing races, don't we Dad? I will be most cheesed off if when not cheating and actually sailing we somehow lose cos the other lot set off half an hour early.

Anyway, I could "win" a grand prix if I can set off early. Also, he didn't try and raise us on the radio very much.

There is ahem the small matter of my boat being a bavaria 37 and not a 34, but actually the 37 is possibly slower than the much smaller and hence less flexy 34, and erm anyway the larger boat was itself a handicap, much harder to handle with a heavier anchor too, and anyway it was a crappo bav and whirled round in a circle with only 25 knots of wind, although the backstay being floppily loose may have had a bit to do with that.

And I wd like the court to note that the issueof handicapping was raised but jimi negotiated himself out of it, I think. And we were nice and gave him a drink later, in the harbour, toasting our victory, which would have been about 17:45 hours (and 1745 AD too I suppose)

PS

Sailbad and I may have been cursing jimi rather too much on the way back: Later, in the harbour, son number 2 age 11 pointed to jimi's boat and asked if that belonged to "the scottish git". We said it was a bit rude to call him that, as we didn't know if he was actually scottish.

 

[jimi]

Independent Observer wanted

Should it be an adjudication panel or an individual. I want Observer to represent me, cos he's nice and wo'nt try and pervert the course of justice cos he's a lawyer.

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[claymore]

Re: Independent Observer wanted

I cannot do it as we have slept together in Tobermory and people would only start slinging mud. Anyway - you want Observer to be your observer so stuff you, I don't think you've a leg to stand on.
On the other hand Bannockburn was 13:14 and not the time that TCM said - which means his clock is probably always wrong and he was therefore probably over the line and so could well be black -flagged.
It's very difficult sitting on these protest panels and I suppose we should start by establishing the facts which appear to be:
You were both on the water on the same day
You met up afterwards and libations were taken
It's just the bit in the middle I'm not too sure about.

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[tcm]

Re: Historical note

hm. I checked the time (tho not the date of bannockburn) with a gps (which i know is a few seconds out) and also with sailbad , who seems uncommonly quiet today.

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[Observer]

Re: Historical note

Hmmm. Perhaps, after two days on a boat with you, he's forgotten how to talk?

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[tcm]

Re: Historical note

Very possible. But you are forgetting the sailbad is from scouserland, and so has enough material for several days of standup comedy.

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[Observer]

Re: Independent Observer wanted

Ah Jimi. How gratifying. I am truly flattered./forums/images/icons/blush.gif

Alas, I have to recuse myself because I owe tcm a large quantity of Grolsch, having partaken immoderately of his weekend's supply early Friday evening.

As the objective facts seems somewhat sparse, perhaps a re-run is needed?



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[jimi]

Re: Independent Observer wanted

Weel how about if I up the ante to a couple can o' MacEwans? TCM's already engaged a pink silk and he had the highly experienced olympic athlete Shirley Sailbad helping him .

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[tcm]

Re: Independent Observer wanted

oh that's no good at all, Observer has already indicated that he is compromised, as has Claymore whose gallant assistance you simply brushed aside. Meanwhile the testimony of a highly experienced ringer er crewperson on our boat (where the hell is sailbad?) will shortly exonerate me. You will have to flog your losing boat off dead cheap and hurriedly buy another ready for the next challenge.

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[jimi]

Re: Independent Observer wanted

Weel Claysie if Obbie feels compromised by the acceptance of gweek gifts then I'm sure that a man of yer undooted integrity would be above any personal conseedaeriation. On subsequent examination of my naval I haf concluded that the problem was too much cultural diversity, and too little communication and mutual trust. THere must be a way forward before hostilities commence, perhaps we need diplomatic envoys and not advocacy?

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[madman]

I volunteer

Jimi, I'm your man, as a man of the cloth I have investigated and can cite divine intervention as the principal reasoon for you adverseries inability to see you. They eyes of the philistine were made blind., for you are a good man and thoroughly deserved to prevail. Hallelujah .. praise the Lord.

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[Twister_Ken]

re diplomatic envoys

Coal-in Powell is one his way. So expect outbreak of hostilities imminently. DHSS Harry S Truman is already on station to bring peace (aka bombs) to the warring tribes.

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[claymore]

Re: Independent Observer wanted

Jamesie
Ye've a tongue on ye as slippit as ony racin snake. A hef tae sae ah wiz feelin a wee bit concairned wi yer askin yon Observer an no' Para or ma guid seil.
hooever, Jamesie sin ye've had the whitiver tae mak yer approaches ah'll let bigones be bigoned an ah'll len ma hon tae ye.
First o'all - we hef tae establish ra facts - ye're messin wi a skirl o' English Jessies, wha cuidnae lie straight in bed, sae we cannae tak ony O they protestations at face value.
Ye've recently bin wranged by yon Southern Club harridan sae youse is ra wranged pairty tae my mind Jamesie
This bit chat wi ra wee mannie where he wiz sent aff wi ra chocolate - that is Sugnificant son, Sugnificant. - Oot o' ra mooths o bairns, right enuff.
TCM's a devious wee divil - an fancy him no remembering 1314 when it wiz themselves wha wiz stuffed there.
Ma ainly concern Son, an ah hef tae say it, is ye've bin tempted intae a ficht that wiz never tae be a fair yin.
Remember they immortal lines frae ra floors o ra forest Jamesie son
"The English, fer wance by guile won the day"
We've a ficht on here richt enuff - Ah've a mind tae get ra Oil Baron onside here - he'd be a guid mon in a rough wee shebeen.

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[claymore]

Re: I volunteer

Brother Madman
Welcome to the fight Pilgrim.
Will you be ok if the language turns to one of tongues which could be offensive to a man of the Clergy as yourself?

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[tcm]

Axis of Tartan

Oops , this is getting very awkward for jimi, and now our friends the americans have turned up in a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, and are quite clear about the close alliances between sctotland and France. So, unless jimi gives up all his newspapers, rolled-up charts, flyspray and other weapons of moth destruction, i fear the worst.

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[Observer]

Re: Independent Observer wanted

Sir,

Two cans of McEwans? The offer is derisory and an insult to my integrity (I had at least four bottles of TCM's Grolsch). Do you think I can be bought that easily?

Yours etc
Observatart

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[Twister_Ken]

Re: Axis of Tartan

UN Kilt observers are on station to make sure that nothing is being hidden. So far they have discovered nothing significant.

Deep fried Mars Bars will henceforth be known as Liberty bars.

Scotland is surreptiously destroying remaining stocks of Lorne Sausage, which has been banned as a weapon of mass. Considerable mass.

It is rumoured that the Scottish Regime is diverting funds badly needed by the populace to build itself an extravagant palace in Edinburgh. Such is the cost that each brick has been hand-gilded by gnomes imported from Zurich.

Statues of regime leaders - Kenneth McKeller, Moira Stewart, William McTesticle and Rab C Nesbitt - have been photographed by satellite and highly paid consultant engineering firm Bush, Vance, Rumsfeld, Bush Inc has been retained to draw up plans for their photogenic destruction.

Emergency talks are taking place between the regime and Jock Chiraq. He has advised them to launch a pre-emptive surrender.


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[ParaHandy]

Re: I volunteer

Och Jimi, dinnae be taken in by yon stairheid bummer wi' the twa left feet. ah've copious supplies o' ra holy water frae the sacred lochs to spread oer ra course tae ensure divine, divine, retribushion on ra meeserable english. Ma fellow preacher, Dubya, will conveniently move his wee boat the Harry S at jist the crushial time ....


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