cliff
Well-Known Member
The post on Surveyors' opinions reminded me of.....
The Surveyor and the Bolts
There dwelt in a great city a Surveyor of ships, and his master spoke onto him saying "Lo, there liveth in the wilderness a maker of Bolts and he has made two score and five special Bolts; these be sooper dooper Bolts and so great is the tensile strength thereof that they may fix the top of a cylinder casing even onto the bottom. Get thee hence and inspect them and take micrometers and instruments that thou shalt gauge them unto within the wideness of a certain part of a gnat. And if thou shalt release them and they be found wanting, then I will tear a strip of thee; Yea, if the Bolts be not properly inspected, I will cause a great misfortune to fall upon thee." Then the Surveyor, who was possessed of great learning spake thus, "Verily O great master, that which is asked for by drawing and specification shall be done."
So he departed and journeyed unto the maker of the Bolts who spake unto him, saying "Hence they nea, Charlie, want a sixinshrool?", but the Surveyor chided him saying "Before I measure them, command your men servants and hand maidens that they deliver unto me all the paperwork pertaining thereunto."
Then there were carried unto him one hundred and fifty nine scrolls which were the Release Notes and the Test Certificates for the raw materials and the M.S.I. Certificates for the fiery furnace in which they did heat treat the Bolts and the calibration charts for the hardness testing machines in which they did test the Bolts and many certificates of accuracy of the Tensile and Charpy machines in which they did stretch and smite the pieces, and there was also brought to him a dog license, a copy of the Factories Act, and a Pools Coupon which were included amongst the papers in error, and they delivered unto him also many M.S.I. Certificates relating to the gauges of Wickham used upon the bolts. There were also Certificates of Chemical Analysis and Radiological reports and Inspection record and many other reports of strange and wonderful things of which none knew the meaning. And they brought a copy of the order and a set of drawings and a Pyrometer Record Chart which was fifty cubits in length, and a multitude of other things too numerous to mention.
For twelve days the Surveyor gazed upon these things and on the twelfth day he said they were good. Then he did measure the Bolts, and all the dimensions thereof were according to Hoyle and he put them in strange potions, and tested them upon a machine of Magnaflux, and he performed Rockwell upon them all and some he did rub with a precious jewel. Then he cast his eyes upon them through a microscope, a horoscope, a telescope, a stroboscope, and other strange devices, and he did project the threads upon a screen and gazed upon their form and it was fair. And he gauged the threads by the Law of Go and No Go, and the Law of Best Cylinders. And from one bolt which seemed doubtful he did cause a Test Piece to be made, and great was the Tensile Strength thereof - and Charpy and Elongation were fair to behold. Then he caused X-rays to shine upon them lest there were weevils concealed within.
These things, and many others which were in the sacred book, did he perform with great diligence, and when all was accomplished it was the evening of the nineteenth day; and he made out a release note and put his stamp upon it and upon the Bolts also. Then he spake unto the Bolt maker, saying "I do declare this batch of bolts to be good, despatch them to the Ship Yard, and if they bounce, verily I shall eat them even without salt"
But lo, it came to pass that they were rejected, for they had been fashioned to an obsolete issue of the drawing, and the grief of the Surveyor was terrible to behold!.
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"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity"
The Surveyor and the Bolts
There dwelt in a great city a Surveyor of ships, and his master spoke onto him saying "Lo, there liveth in the wilderness a maker of Bolts and he has made two score and five special Bolts; these be sooper dooper Bolts and so great is the tensile strength thereof that they may fix the top of a cylinder casing even onto the bottom. Get thee hence and inspect them and take micrometers and instruments that thou shalt gauge them unto within the wideness of a certain part of a gnat. And if thou shalt release them and they be found wanting, then I will tear a strip of thee; Yea, if the Bolts be not properly inspected, I will cause a great misfortune to fall upon thee." Then the Surveyor, who was possessed of great learning spake thus, "Verily O great master, that which is asked for by drawing and specification shall be done."
So he departed and journeyed unto the maker of the Bolts who spake unto him, saying "Hence they nea, Charlie, want a sixinshrool?", but the Surveyor chided him saying "Before I measure them, command your men servants and hand maidens that they deliver unto me all the paperwork pertaining thereunto."
Then there were carried unto him one hundred and fifty nine scrolls which were the Release Notes and the Test Certificates for the raw materials and the M.S.I. Certificates for the fiery furnace in which they did heat treat the Bolts and the calibration charts for the hardness testing machines in which they did test the Bolts and many certificates of accuracy of the Tensile and Charpy machines in which they did stretch and smite the pieces, and there was also brought to him a dog license, a copy of the Factories Act, and a Pools Coupon which were included amongst the papers in error, and they delivered unto him also many M.S.I. Certificates relating to the gauges of Wickham used upon the bolts. There were also Certificates of Chemical Analysis and Radiological reports and Inspection record and many other reports of strange and wonderful things of which none knew the meaning. And they brought a copy of the order and a set of drawings and a Pyrometer Record Chart which was fifty cubits in length, and a multitude of other things too numerous to mention.
For twelve days the Surveyor gazed upon these things and on the twelfth day he said they were good. Then he did measure the Bolts, and all the dimensions thereof were according to Hoyle and he put them in strange potions, and tested them upon a machine of Magnaflux, and he performed Rockwell upon them all and some he did rub with a precious jewel. Then he cast his eyes upon them through a microscope, a horoscope, a telescope, a stroboscope, and other strange devices, and he did project the threads upon a screen and gazed upon their form and it was fair. And he gauged the threads by the Law of Go and No Go, and the Law of Best Cylinders. And from one bolt which seemed doubtful he did cause a Test Piece to be made, and great was the Tensile Strength thereof - and Charpy and Elongation were fair to behold. Then he caused X-rays to shine upon them lest there were weevils concealed within.
These things, and many others which were in the sacred book, did he perform with great diligence, and when all was accomplished it was the evening of the nineteenth day; and he made out a release note and put his stamp upon it and upon the Bolts also. Then he spake unto the Bolt maker, saying "I do declare this batch of bolts to be good, despatch them to the Ship Yard, and if they bounce, verily I shall eat them even without salt"
But lo, it came to pass that they were rejected, for they had been fashioned to an obsolete issue of the drawing, and the grief of the Surveyor was terrible to behold!.
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