Some yachty definitions

[wooslehunter]

Got a couple of nice coasters for Christmas ( cup type that is, not actual boats!!!). They define a couple of nautical terms &I thought I'd share them.

Pilotage n. (Pilotless adj.)
The art of getting lost in sight of land, as opposed to the distinct & far more complex science of navigation, used to get lost in offshore waters.

Hull Speed n.
The maximum theoretical speed of a given boat through the water, in knots, which is 1.4-1.6 times the square root of the water line length in feet divided by the distance to port minus the time in hours to sunset cubed.

Anyone have any more?

 

[teredo]

Fuel capacity. The amount of fuel you have to throw away when you get diesel bug.

Fuel consumption. Bottles of Gin divided by days at sea.

Water capacity. The amount of water the wife uses in two days less the six litres you used.

Hawse pipe. What you use to fill the water tank.

NMEA. an acronym for ££££

Sails. What the boat does when its windy.

Motors. What the boat does when you're late.

Heads. Whichever way you go.

Sea sick. What you are after two weeks on board.

Sea Legs. Change in crew appearance with warmer weather.

and as it gets warmer still...
Fore peak. Three more than you should when she is changing into a bikini.

Buoy. What you call the new crew in a moment of amnesia. Do not mix with priests.

Sheet. An expletive used when tacking.

Rowlocks. An expletive used when rowing.

Epoxy. Expletive used when tossing a broken item overboard.

Overboard (going). Hastily tossing something over the side before checking it really is broken.

Boom. The sound of wood on wood.

Port hole. Ramsgate, for instance.

Sand banks. An expensive place to settle.

Sea grass. What some conservationists seem to be smoking.

Bowline. What all tough sailors haul on when they're far away at sea. (sorry Bob)

Stern line. What you take with a difficult crew.

Breast rope. Binini strap.

Fenders. Tie the breast rope properly or they'll come loose.

Spring. A movement seldom made by crew when urgency is required.

Calm. On some vessels, a state only ever achieved by the sea.

Rough. Varnish the day after it is applied.

Crank. Unstable boat owner.

Tender. See Futtock, below.

Anti foul. A length of string rigged above the boom to deter birds.

Seagulls. Obnoxious, voracious, noisy things that leave slicks of filth wherever they go.

Shytehawks. Sea birds that are ditto ditto

Oi there! A greeting sometimes conveniently misheard as Ahoy there.

Raft up. Nelson's patent bridge for boarding First Rates.

Mediterranean moor. Simultaneous fouled anchor and prop.

Anchor. Expletive shouted at victim of above.

Draught. What blows under the boat when there is insufficient water.

Draft. Depth of liquid if you stacked all last night's beers on top of each other.

Forefoot. Insufficient beer to achieve flotation.

Beam. The wife's hip size.

Futtock. Adjacent to beam, above.

Broadside. Offensive version of a beam. Also a topnotch ale.

Stern. Wife, after you've mentioned Futtock, Beam or, God help you, broadside. Also synonym for Futtocks (above)

Waist. The middle of the boat. What did you think I was going to say?

Tumblehome. The way back from the pub.

Shroud. What clouds do to the sun.

Depression. Result of bad weather.

Millibars. Most holiday resorts have these, presenting many opportunities to relieve above. (see Forefoot)

Katabatic wind. Avoid Kit-e-Kat with sardines.

Gale. Double-reefed tops'l breeze.

Fuel. Hydrocarbon that powers many sailors.

Lubrication. Ditto

Bilge. Conversation that follows refuelling or lubrication.

Fuel starvation. Sunday in many Welsh harbours.

Fuel filter. Chips, perhaps with curry sauce.

Fray Bentos.Food

Food. Fray Bentos.

Pork pie. Alternative to Fray Bentos.

Rice. What two boats always do when sailing together.

Spaghetti. Precursor to Sheet, above.

Broom. Vulgar, pretentious willy-extension.

Binliner. Nasty American made speedboat.

Bavaria. Place in Germany 400 miles from the sea where they know nothing about boats.

Moody. Common overweight middle aged condition.

Westerlies. Also common in UK waters.

Ovni. French for skip.

Skipper. One who sails an Ovni.

Southerly. Posh skip.

Fireballs. Why dinghy sailors walk like cowboys.

Mirror. Break one for 10 year's good luck.

Flying Fifteen. A misnomer.

Sidney Harbour 18. A sexy antipodean that'll give six strong men a wild ride.

Punt. Duck!

Duck! Convenient explanation for a common expletive.

Scow. Look on an unhappy skipper's face.

Sheer. Like a happy face, they say.

Freeboard. Salvation Army Hostel. (causes Fuel Starvation)

Quay. Found alongside a lock.

Sluice. 's gonna fall off!

Sweat. It fell overboard.

Scone. It didn't float.

Heave to. Pull, you bugger!

Winch. What you were watching change into a bikini.

Winch handle. What she uses upon catching you.

Windlass. Female version of Shellback.

Leeway. Near Sarfend, innit?

Dagger board. What a sheep-shearer sits on.

 

[25931]

Great stuff.

 

[prr]

In the lee of Bum Island.... Tucked up in bed with Mrs.

 

[DJE]

Propeller: High speed underwater winch.

 

[Daedelus]

Current: flow of water taking you in the direction opposite to the one you wanted

 

[jac]

Shipping Forecast :- Pronouncement to encourage you to miss good sailing days and only sail on the bad.

Anchor:- Metallic device used to annoy conservationists, provide work for chiropractors and damage neighbouring boats.