coliholic
New member
Re: MCA REPORT re COLIHOLIC ON THAT RIB
This is a slanderous and defamatory post and I demand an immediate retraction since it purports to make me look something of an idiot. Have forwarded this to my lawyers, Messrs Sue'm Grabbit and Run and they tell me there are adequate grounds here for me to seek substantial damages.
Their reply to the main points of your report that we dispute are:
Findings
1. Mr Coliholic was thrown overboard.
Not disputed
2. Mr Coliolic was not wearing a lifejacket. But he did have a killcord.
Not disputed. Owner of the RIB did not provide any instruction or invitation to wear one. After all it's the Med for Christsake. you don't have MOB's there, only "going for a swim". The usage of the killcord was at Mr Coliholic’s initiative and was primarily worn to set and example to the younger persons on board.
3. The RIB was new, well equipped and maintained.
The fact that the jet rib was new is not disputed – please provide evidence from the Captains log of maintenance record and equipment installed
4. At the time of the accident, there was no wind, good visibility and no swell.
Mr Coliholic disputes this. Tcm had been caught farting several times in the morning, perhaps due to a curry consumed the night before (?) so there was considerable wind. Visibility was poor – Mr Coliholic couldn’t see very well, and puts that down to the quantities of alcohol forced on him the previous evening. Everyone was having a swell time
5. The RIB had at least 20m of water beneath her keel.
Mr Coliholic disputes, this – he believes that the water depth was no more than 15m.
6. Coliholic had had several cups of tea and loads of chocolate cake in the morning before the incident.
Mr Coliholic disputes this. He had only two or three cups of tea and a piddly little cup of very strong espresso coffee and only four slices of chocolate cake – hardly “loads”
7. Coliholic was wearing loud clothes.
Mr Coliholic disputes this. His clothes were not loud. Well not very.
8. Nobody else has fallen off the RIB before or since.
Plesae provide evidence from everybody that has been on the RIB before or since to justify this claim
9. JFM's son was also in the boat, and grassed him up whilst Coliholic was changing out of his wet clothes. He reports that immediately prior to falling overboard, Coliholic suggested that they should attempt to swamp the back of the main boat by whamming past at speed, and was circling around the bows to get a good run-up.
The credibility of this witness is minimal since he is either a) too young to know what happened, b) related in some manner to jfm, c) a sneak or d) he thought it’d be a giggle too, since at the time of the alleged incident both tcm and jfm were on the bathing platform and prime targets for a good splashing
10. The main boat Diana was secure and stationary, at anchor.
Mr coliholic disputes this. How could the boat be stationary and at anchor at the same time
11. Nobody on board Diana gave any signals (nor v-signs either) to divert Coliholics attention.
Mr coliholic was driving the jet rib so fast over the slightly bumpy sea, that his teeth were almost falling out and he could not ascertain whether tcm, jfm et al were waving at him or trying to divert his attention. Anyway he thought they weren’t looking and was trying to sneak up on them - a bit like an F16 creeping up on Baghdad under radar cover
Causes
The Immediate Cause
1. Coliholic was seeing wottle it do, and turned the RIB into a tight turn, forcing it sideways upo the side of it's own wake, whereupon the boat twisted sharply about a fore-aft axis and threw him off
Not disputed
2. JFM had already timed the boat at 43knots, so Coliholic thought it would be fine to give it some beans.
Mr coliholic disputes this.Tcm and coliholic had earlier tried to replicate\beat jfm’s claimed 43knots and could only get it to 38kts – hence jfm’s claim must be an exaggeration therefore any of his statements have no credibility. Mr Coliholic disputes the inference that ‘cos he is a big fat git, that means the RIB would go slower.
3. Coliholic was bound to fall in anyway at one point or asnother.
Mr coliholic finds this statement to be slanderous and defamatory
Other Factors and Underlying Causes
1. Coliholic can't have been holding on very much cos jfm's lad did not fall in.
As has already been stated, Mr Coliholic is a BFG and was sitting up quite high on the seat, whereas jfm’s lad is only little and was sitting low down in the bow where the centrifugal forces would have been easier to cope with..
2. Coliholic must be very used to falling in by now.
Not disputed
3. Coliholic failed to hush up the incident. He also kept quiet about about getting pushed in by the kids later on in the day, though he he did get his own back for that.
Mr coliholic kept quiet about this incident purely in the interest of preserving his dignity. Much like Mr Major did re Mrs Currie
4. TCM had predicted that Coliholc would fall in. So had jfm.
Aha, got you. So you admit that this was all a plot hatched by tcm and jfm? Mr coliholic is convinced that tcm and jfm must have upset the feng shui or karma of the setting and the negative vibes transmitted from them had and affect on the handling of the RIB to such and extent that it “threw him” off. A similar scenario occurred in one of the Star Treck episodes, where Mr Spock used the power of his mind to cause a shift in the intergalactic time space contimuum thus causing Capt Kirk to go back in time to when he was young and alter the course of galactic events
5. Even Coliholics though it was a bit funny, though a lot later.
Not disputed, though he was very concerned that everyone would think him a total prat for falling off such a piddly little boat.
6. That RIB is very fast.
Disputed. Compared to what? Define fast.
7. It was all Coliholics fault.
Disputed.for the above reasons
So as you can see you've really let yourself down this time. My legal team tell me that it would be perfectly acceptable for me to accept a third share in Diana II in recompense for the distress caused.
This is a slanderous and defamatory post and I demand an immediate retraction since it purports to make me look something of an idiot. Have forwarded this to my lawyers, Messrs Sue'm Grabbit and Run and they tell me there are adequate grounds here for me to seek substantial damages.
Their reply to the main points of your report that we dispute are:
Findings
1. Mr Coliholic was thrown overboard.
Not disputed
2. Mr Coliolic was not wearing a lifejacket. But he did have a killcord.
Not disputed. Owner of the RIB did not provide any instruction or invitation to wear one. After all it's the Med for Christsake. you don't have MOB's there, only "going for a swim". The usage of the killcord was at Mr Coliholic’s initiative and was primarily worn to set and example to the younger persons on board.
3. The RIB was new, well equipped and maintained.
The fact that the jet rib was new is not disputed – please provide evidence from the Captains log of maintenance record and equipment installed
4. At the time of the accident, there was no wind, good visibility and no swell.
Mr Coliholic disputes this. Tcm had been caught farting several times in the morning, perhaps due to a curry consumed the night before (?) so there was considerable wind. Visibility was poor – Mr Coliholic couldn’t see very well, and puts that down to the quantities of alcohol forced on him the previous evening. Everyone was having a swell time
5. The RIB had at least 20m of water beneath her keel.
Mr Coliholic disputes, this – he believes that the water depth was no more than 15m.
6. Coliholic had had several cups of tea and loads of chocolate cake in the morning before the incident.
Mr Coliholic disputes this. He had only two or three cups of tea and a piddly little cup of very strong espresso coffee and only four slices of chocolate cake – hardly “loads”
7. Coliholic was wearing loud clothes.
Mr Coliholic disputes this. His clothes were not loud. Well not very.
8. Nobody else has fallen off the RIB before or since.
Plesae provide evidence from everybody that has been on the RIB before or since to justify this claim
9. JFM's son was also in the boat, and grassed him up whilst Coliholic was changing out of his wet clothes. He reports that immediately prior to falling overboard, Coliholic suggested that they should attempt to swamp the back of the main boat by whamming past at speed, and was circling around the bows to get a good run-up.
The credibility of this witness is minimal since he is either a) too young to know what happened, b) related in some manner to jfm, c) a sneak or d) he thought it’d be a giggle too, since at the time of the alleged incident both tcm and jfm were on the bathing platform and prime targets for a good splashing
10. The main boat Diana was secure and stationary, at anchor.
Mr coliholic disputes this. How could the boat be stationary and at anchor at the same time
11. Nobody on board Diana gave any signals (nor v-signs either) to divert Coliholics attention.
Mr coliholic was driving the jet rib so fast over the slightly bumpy sea, that his teeth were almost falling out and he could not ascertain whether tcm, jfm et al were waving at him or trying to divert his attention. Anyway he thought they weren’t looking and was trying to sneak up on them - a bit like an F16 creeping up on Baghdad under radar cover
Causes
The Immediate Cause
1. Coliholic was seeing wottle it do, and turned the RIB into a tight turn, forcing it sideways upo the side of it's own wake, whereupon the boat twisted sharply about a fore-aft axis and threw him off
Not disputed
2. JFM had already timed the boat at 43knots, so Coliholic thought it would be fine to give it some beans.
Mr coliholic disputes this.Tcm and coliholic had earlier tried to replicate\beat jfm’s claimed 43knots and could only get it to 38kts – hence jfm’s claim must be an exaggeration therefore any of his statements have no credibility. Mr Coliholic disputes the inference that ‘cos he is a big fat git, that means the RIB would go slower.
3. Coliholic was bound to fall in anyway at one point or asnother.
Mr coliholic finds this statement to be slanderous and defamatory
Other Factors and Underlying Causes
1. Coliholic can't have been holding on very much cos jfm's lad did not fall in.
As has already been stated, Mr Coliholic is a BFG and was sitting up quite high on the seat, whereas jfm’s lad is only little and was sitting low down in the bow where the centrifugal forces would have been easier to cope with..
2. Coliholic must be very used to falling in by now.
Not disputed
3. Coliholic failed to hush up the incident. He also kept quiet about about getting pushed in by the kids later on in the day, though he he did get his own back for that.
Mr coliholic kept quiet about this incident purely in the interest of preserving his dignity. Much like Mr Major did re Mrs Currie
4. TCM had predicted that Coliholc would fall in. So had jfm.
Aha, got you. So you admit that this was all a plot hatched by tcm and jfm? Mr coliholic is convinced that tcm and jfm must have upset the feng shui or karma of the setting and the negative vibes transmitted from them had and affect on the handling of the RIB to such and extent that it “threw him” off. A similar scenario occurred in one of the Star Treck episodes, where Mr Spock used the power of his mind to cause a shift in the intergalactic time space contimuum thus causing Capt Kirk to go back in time to when he was young and alter the course of galactic events
5. Even Coliholics though it was a bit funny, though a lot later.
Not disputed, though he was very concerned that everyone would think him a total prat for falling off such a piddly little boat.
6. That RIB is very fast.
Disputed. Compared to what? Define fast.
7. It was all Coliholics fault.
Disputed.for the above reasons
So as you can see you've really let yourself down this time. My legal team tell me that it would be perfectly acceptable for me to accept a third share in Diana II in recompense for the distress caused.