I've had English Passengers lying around for a few weeks and I suppose I've managed about 40% of it so far. It's just about the most disjointed narrative I've come across this side of the telephone directory. And it has nearly as many characters, but at least it doesn't give you the address of each one!
Best nae get oor wee pal ower excited wi' a' these saily yarns? Its a sair fecht for 'im as it is an he'll be full and bying his desk oot the door next and a' they wee wains hamework winna get marked? D'you ken if he's a lochgelly?...jings thon's a fearsome weapon.......
Jings mon, yer talking like a pair o'scaldies - Whit is all this talk aboot wristies - are ye one o' they bondage teuchters? As ony mon wairth his saut kens, yon kidnapped is as fair a script as ony cuid pen - aye they dinna write em like that nae mair.
Ah thocht ye said Ardentinny fer a we while there Dougie, - yons a grand we spot, but yon Pillow-biting shirtlifter that runs it is as miserable a bugger as ah've ever met, the great mincin' jessie.
aaah yer awake the noo? Thought ye'd got yer neb stuck in yon book. Too much o' this learnings no good for a man. An wha's a' this aboot kidnapping? The polis aifter ye agin? Ahent the noo whilst I find Ardentinny on my charts........back in a mo.......Oh its the hotel ye mean. Och man, its aw fur coat and nae knickers. ah wouldnae gae back there again...ower many posh edinburgh folk fer my liking
Weel mon, ah've bin rackit wi' doot fur miny a sair year, cos' if Ah'd thocht afore ah'd opind ma mooth and a sed "Jazz, and its nae whir neer Kanada!"
Whotz a' this aboot nae nickers .. dis she hae a bike wi' a leather saddle ... maybe its made in Lochgelly an' a'!