Reluctant spouse.

[tonywar]

Forget about SOLAS, forget about GMDSS, forget about the price of moorings, forget about RYA courses, next to the true meaning of life this must be the most fundamental question.

How do you get a reluctant spouse take an interest in your new found love of sailing?

 

[wishbone]

With wads of cash in hand or unlimited plastic a promise of a trendy new sailing wardrobe and swimwear with tickets for the sun, Or you could send her down the Humber at 4am on a very cold morning with a all male training vessel and Flo! for the week end this worked for me!,

she never did say how she got on !!!

Wishbone

do as my mate, he got a trade in on a new younger very keen model.

 

[clyst]

You do'nt!!!
She stays at home and does the list of chores you've given her to do like wash the car, dig the garden etc whilst you go and enjoy your new love in your life!!, they love it!, If you dont believe me ask your wife.

Bet there's those who disagree!!

 

[cgull]

Mine started taking a keen interest when I took "other women" sailing with me!

 

[LadyInBed]

Sail single-handed. Oh! the peace and quiet.
Alternatively find a couple of young ladies who are looking for crewing opportunities.

 

[tome]

Tonywar

Ignore the wild rambings of the pack - you're a new user so fair game for a bit of stick!

If you're serious there's only one way. Wait until you've more or less got the hang of it then take her out, but only on short trips in good weather. Concentrate on places with restaurants and shopping and avoid the temptation to show off your skills. Gradually seek her help in sailing the boat until she starts to feel useful, and so extend your scope with perhaps the occasional bouncy trip. Be prepared to divert to an alternative port if she would be more comfortable.

Look on it as a long term project and be patient. If you are as lucky as me, she will begin to enjoy it - this season my wife stood a night watch alone which allowed me to sleep!

It takes much patience and self control but is well worth the effort. I love sailing with my wife and she's recently started to nick my yachting mags.

Good luck!

 

[Twister_Ken]

Marry a woman you met at a sailing club.

No, not the one in the nice frock and an anchor brooch - the one in the wet oilies, with an anchor over her shoulder.

 

[FlyingSpud]

Go on a course, something like competent crew, with someone who knows what they are on about. Go out in a Force 6 wind over tide and put her on the helm for 3 hours sailing hard into the wind.
End result, a wife who moans if the boat is not laying on its ear and the wind is not signing through the rigging.
Worked for me, on the other hand, I have heard not all women react the same way

 

[Joe_Cole]

When I went on my first RYA course I asked the trainer the same question. He said "Take her on a flotilla holiday in Greece" (Easy sailing, good weather, good company, people around if there's any problems etc). I did. It worked!

It was also a great holiday.

The only other thing I can suggest is that, once you've got her on a boat, no matter what happens never, ever shout at her. It's difficult at times!
(I can't say I succeeded in this!)

Regards

Joe



<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by Joe_Cole on 09/11/2002 09:42 (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[bedouin]

Random recommendations

(a) Don't try to teach her to sail yourself - It can't be done.

(b) Introduce her to sailing somewhere warm and sunny - e.g. the Med or the Carribean. Dinghy sailing beach holidays or Gentle Flotillas are great introductions

(c) Encourage her to do Comp Crew/Day Skipper - some schools offer ladies only courses that are probably a good idea unless she's the macho type.

(d) Take things gradually - for both your sakes. Don't stretch yourselves too far too quickly, or you may put her off for life.

(e) Don't shout at her. While your skipper ANYTHING that goes wrong on the boat is YOUR fault - don't blame the crew.

(f) Never tried this one - but I would imagine that sailing with another, more experienced, couple with whom you are friends could work very well.

More generally you may need to accept that you want will want to do more sailing than she will - or sailing of a more demanding nature. Don't force her into this, but consider sailing without her sometimes.

 

[Guest]

I traded mine in for a younger model .... who had never set foot on one etc. She had no preconceptions at all !!!!

She loves it .... don't go much on sailing on the ear / broaching etc. ..... but she's followed the tall-ships out on our boat, been through some pretty awful rubbish etc.

Anyway if you can't trade in ..... then take a lass sailing, dosen't matter what she looks like / how old etc. , from the club / marina and I bet the spouse will be straight in there stopping that little game !!!! Then its Competent crew course, and let her decide destinations etc. for the day / w/end sailing etc.

Nigel ...
Bilge Keelers get up further ! I only came - cos they said there was FREE Guinness !

 

[Guest]

Introducing the wife

I list below some extracts from Maurice Griffiths’s book ‘Post War Yachting’ :-


‘Man, a simple, kindly creature on the whole, wants his mate to share all his pleasures’.

‘You should go as carefully as a fox stalking a duck’

‘On the whole I am inclined to think that women are more practical and less romantic than men. Men are hopelessly attracted by the romance of the unknown, of voyaging, of exploring, of uncertainty and danger ( one reason why men on the whole do not really hate wars as much as they pretend to their families)

Women, with a few exceptions, seem to me more practical, more aware of their immediate comforts and personal happiness, and their dislike of the unknown.

Not bad eh ?

 

[Joe_Cole]

Re: Introducing the wife

Vic,

Interesting quote, but it doesn't explain the nuclear explosion if you forget a birthday!

I think we all know what we have to do to entice them on board. Be gentle, caring, understanding etc etc; don't shout, push things too hard, or lean over more than about 10 degrees etc etc. It's just that we all hope to find a way that is easier!

A bit like anti-fouling. Don't like it, but must be done

Joe

 

[snowleopard]

personal ads in YM...

read out a few of the 'adventurous lady seeks...' ads.

a friend of ours has a reluctant wife who advised mine 'go sailing with him or someone else will'

 

[Melody]

Tony
We run skippered charters in Greece, and many of our customers come to us with exactly the brief:''I want my wife to enjoy sailing'. We haven't failed yet.
Our formula is a large enough yacht to live on comfortably, with hot water, electricity whenever possible, big cockpit, a holiday with no shopping or cooking, plenty of room for sunbathing, warm water for swimming, stops at places with interesting shops as well as peaceful nights at anchor. Professional crew so no shouting on board. Sheltered cruising area, so we can avoid big seas mostly. Focus on holiday first, but husband can take over lots of the sailing if he wishes, can play with a bigger boat (44ft) and enjoy the extra speed. Our website is http://www.yachtchartergreece.com. Take a look.
Melody

Melody McKay Burton
Yacht Valentine, Greece

 

[mushypea]

I've never been a skipper (well, once I ended up taking out my father's previous boat to be committee boat for the evening while he was ill, and I was scared stiff) but I have been "first mate" a few times, and anxious some of that time, as well as seen newcomers take to sailing (or otherwise). Hopefully this qualifies me to make my first post...

[Decided just after posting that I should add this: I'm not related to Melody's company described above, but I do have a close personal interest in another skippered charter company and look after their web pages. My views are my own, based on my own sailing experience, and I hope they are simply taken as such.]

The comments about not shouting seem spot on, as are going with more experienced friends if you know some and have access to a suitably comfortable and civilised boat. If not, I would second the suggestion of skippered charter, not only for all the reasons listed above but also because it's not then an issue of whether or not she trusts your judgement. I'm not for a minute suggesting your judgement is not to be trusted, but she will need time to learn to trust you as well as the fact that the boat's not going to fall over etc. If I understand rightly that you're newish to sailing then it should still be fun for you to be able to take the glory when the sailing is going well but when it's more challenging she may appreciate you being able to give more attention to making sure she's OK, fetching her hat/tea/camera from the cabin and so on. If you're more relaxed because someone you respect is in charge, then she should be more relaxed as well. Bedouin's comment that it's hard to teach her yourself also come into play here as you'd have someone independent to give her instructions.

Obviously then *you* need to have complete faith in the skipper, so if you did go down this route it might be useful for you to have a day or a weekend sailing with them before you take her along as well.

All this depends on what stage you feel you've reached with your own sailing, of course, so I hope I've not got totally the wrong end of the stick.

Good luck and have fun.


<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by mushypea on 10/11/2002 20:03 (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[qsiv]

I didnt know you knew my wife!

You cad, Sir!

 

[Guest]

Re: Introducing the wife

Joe

You are so right.

Have to say that I’ve paid the price for shouting too loud and for pushing too soon.


November ! the month yachstmen find their wives left them in August !

 

[billmacfarlane]

There's more than one use for an anchor . The anchor she's carrying is to shackle round your ankle at home while she goes sailing with her mates !!!!

 

[kdf]

Ah - Just been through this. Took boat to France, Spouse + kids flew down and joined the boat. Had a great time learning anchoring, pilotage, dingy stuff etc. Liked it so much she and kids (ages 6 and 2) decided to do the trip back to Ireland. Learned all about navigation, shipping lanes, sailing at night, gales (40 knots on the nose) and Dolphins.

Now loves it and can't wait for next season.