Realistic boating subjects

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Guest

Guest
As mentioned below, Nick and I covered the subject of barfing in some detail recently.

This is just one of a great number of useful boating subjects that we all should cover, since the boat magazines seem unwilling or unable to do this.

For example

How to get into your own boat because you've forgotten the keys.

Guide to marinas where it's okay to sneak in late and leave early.

"We've just bought it and need somewhere to park" : talk your way into the easiest decent visitors berth.

Terry nappies: how to be last choice for anyone looking to raft up against you.

Sunglasses and other handy tips for when you really cock it up in the marina

Lazy gits guide to looking useful on someone else's boat without really doing very much.

"Have you come far?": 100 crap opening gambits to make friends with the nice comfy-looking boat next door.

Celestial navigation: what if the sky falls in?.. and other questions not to ask the instructor during an RYA exam.

Any other ideas?
 

PGD

New member
Joined
9 Jul 2001
Messages
1,032
Location
Thames - non tidal
www.peter-davey.com
Like the list, couple of suggestions:

Where are the quiet bits of the river to give your engine a blast.

Why do all rowers shout cut the wash when your not even doing 3kts?

What to do in a full lock when the old chap ties off his 10 tonne boat with the lock emptying…… and yes the rope snapped! eventually.

How to bump start your boat with a flat battery !

Suggestions on replies to River Police if Drink Drive laws come into force.

Where you swerving from side to side Sir – no I have a single out drive.

Have we been drinking Sir – no I’ve only just met you.
 

hlb

RIP
Joined
16 May 2001
Messages
26,774
Location
Any Pub Lancashire or Wales
Visit site
Th- Wife probabley came up with the best answer on an RYA
test.
Her answer to the Question.
What are the dangers on the chart, to look out for on a passage between X to Y.

Was.

Keep out of the White bits and into the blue bits, then you should be ok!!

And. How come when meeting some one the first question is it always. " What engines you got in that" And when you answer Twin 200 or whatever.
the guy snears a bit and says " I've got 760's or something.
Never happens tother way round.

Getting into yer own boat without key. Been there got that tee shirt.

Go looking for small boys around the town centre.
Casualy walk up to them and ask if they'd mind comming with you!!
Get called unrepeatable names whilst kids are disapearing into the sunset.
But with perseverence theres always one thats playing hookey and game for anything. Bribe with trip on boat then send him head first through open port hole.
Leave town quickly or do a Hamilton styled press release to prove innocence!!

Last choice for berthing. Tip!

Next time you have a row with th-wife. Record it. Throw a few glasses about and break the odd window. Now in my case its easy cos th-wife will do all that without encouragment.
Keep tape handy on boat and play at full blast when boats come near!!


Haydn
 
G

Guest

Guest
How about a website publishing all the marina gate codes and office opening hours that way not only can you sneak in and out before they open but you can use the facities as well.

And as for keeping other boats from rafting along side thats easy I just let the kids play up on deck the screaming and shouting will keep all but the hardened rafter away.And iff they do raft alongside just let the kids play on their decks watch em go.

OR put asign up saying "stag do in progress" that ought to work.
 
G

Guest

Guest
Re: Stag do in progress

Would'nt work in my neck of the woods - everyone would want to raft up and join the party - free drink and maybe a nautical stripogram. They be coming from miles around!

Nick
 
G

Guest

Guest
"Go looking for small boys around the town centre"
- I was that small boy! Brings back memories of when a neighbour locked herself out and had left a window open...

BTW I've just come back from Brittany, and if you want a bit of river to blast along, try the Odet (Benodet - Quimper) as it's rock banked (no erosion of the banks) and the locals seem to find 20+kts perfectly acceptable. Just the bass fishermen might get a bit upset.

cheers,
Rich.
 
G

Guest

Guest
Re: Uncovered issue

You've missed the perennial topic - do men need to sit down to pee in a sea or is your aim good enough?

I have had this conversation with my wife and explained that the difference between her and me is that I am using a refined hunting rifle which can sometimes miss even in the most skilled hands, whereas she is rather more akin to a blunderbuss at point blank range!

Anonymous of Scotland
 
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