QHM Portsmouth VHP

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yachtmastervhp

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Today, 5th May, sees the return to the water of QHM Portsmouth's unique Volunteer Harbour Patrol, which supports QHM's Harbour Control and Patrol in contributing to safety in the Harbour, particularly at trying times in the entrance. They are not a lifeboat service, but are often in the right place at the right time and able to offer a tow or friendly advice out of difficulty. Please do give them a wave, and have a look at their splendid new website at www.qhmvhp.org.uk which has some very useful links to advice to leisure users of the Harbour, especially about the new line of the Small Boat Channel.
If you are interested in contributing to the safely of leisure users, the site also tells you how to express interest in joining!
 
They are often to be seen in our clubhouse taking a pee and tea break.

There are-or there were-a couple of jobsworths on the team. On a heavy spring ebb with a southerly the harbour entrance was REALLY lively, our helm was asked to move to Starboard by First Mate as we had just seen both props of a Grand Banks MoBo out of the water in the small ship channel.

We were down to 1KT with a 38HP Yanmar. The Harbour Patrol censured us for moving to the edge of the SSC, quite rudely.

I told them that the safety of the ship, crew and other vessels was more important than their rules. There were no other vessels leaving the harbour during our entry.

It was a case of " Rules are made for the guidance of wise men and the blind obedience of fools. "

Shortly after, I ran the incident past a crew in our clubhouse taking their break.

One said " That was ********. He is a bit of a jobsworth!-I'll have a word. "

Apart from that, a great team. They took us out of danger when the fuel gauge was defective-it showed 1/2 full but was empty. They put us alongside their motor cat and moved us to the Premier Gosport fuel berth.

Thanks again guys.
 
I have seen them be really rude and heavy handed to other boats on 2 occassions ,a little perceived authority goes to some peoples heads. A pity as this is clearly mostly a helpful service.
 
Saw them a few hours ago in Portsmouth Harbour Entrance. Seemed very polite as ever; few boats cutting across shipping channel the harbour side of No. 4 Buoy and a few went cheekily outside the Volunteers.

QHM black rib was soon in hot pursuit with the old blue lights blazing !!!
 
C08 said:
I have seen them be really rude and heavy handed to other boats on 2 occassions ,a little perceived authority goes to some peoples heads. A pity as this is clearly mostly a helpful service.
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Sadly I'm not in the least bit surprised, too often the type summed up by Perry and Croft in Mr Hodges.
 
Well unlike you I know one of the ' harbour wombles ' quite well, and a nicer, less officious person would be harder to find, he's also a keen sailor who gave away his excellent condition Leisure 17 to a local charity and is a keen sailor on another boat now.

I understand the expectation of ' ARP Mr Hodges ' types, but Pete, a member here, is anything but; and the sort of quietly spoken but clued up person one would like to have handy in a crisis. :encouragement:
 
Seajet said:
Well unlike you I know one of the ' harbour wombles ' quite well, and a nicer, less officious person would be harder to find, he's also a keen sailor who gave away his excellent condition Leisure 17 to a local charity and is a keen sailor on another boat now.

I understand the expectation of ' ARP Mr Hodges ' types, but Pete, a member here, is anything but; and the sort of quietly spoken but clued up person one would like to have handy in a crisis. :encouragement:
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A whole one of them, wow! Still that doesn'tsn't seem to be the general experience.
 
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Well, I've no idea how often I've gone in & out of the harbour over the years and never had anything nastier than a friendly wave from them. I'm glad to see them 'cos there are some right pillocks in the entrance sometimes (Which part of "keep right at the beacon" don't you understand? is the least of the questions I'd like to ask sometimes)

The trouble is, they get a tiny bit officious once and, for the person on the receiving end they're all like that all the time. Volunteers with a bit of power - it's bound to attract the kind of guy who wants to do it because he couldn't make it as a traffic warden. I'm sure he gets weeded out pretty quickly but, as the saying goes, you never remember good service, but you never forget bad service.

Then there's the idiot that's genuinely out of order, but has a God-given right to ignore the rules and that's another set of stories twisted to bad-mouth them. Then there's the guy who volunteers for them
 
Elecglitch said:
A whole one of them, wow! Still that doesn'tsn't seem to be the general experience.
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I don’t know any of the volunteers personally, but like others all I’ve had from them going out and in is a friendly wave. If there are one or two that are a bit up themselves, I suspect it’s a lower percentage than amongst the sailors using the harbour entrance many of whom either don’t know the regs or don’t realise that they apply to them as well as others.

Good on the patrol crews for volunteering.
 
Stemar said:
Well, I've no idea how often I've gone in & out of the harbour over the years and never had anything nastier than a friendly wave from them. I'm glad to see them 'cos there are some right pillocks in the entrance sometimes (Which part of "keep right at the beacon" don't you understand? is the least of the questions I'd like to ask sometimes)
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I couldnt agree more, they are sadly needed, most users obey the rules governng the entrance some dont

from the jetski idjits who thought the whole entrance and inner harbour was their play ground, the numpty skipper of a power cruiser who steamed past a young family in a sailing dinghy coming in in the entrance who came within a nats b*llock of capsizing due to his excessive wash, he continued completely oblivious. I have even seen a small boat anchored off the round tower whilst they fish oblivious too the fact they will be rundown or swamped by the next cross channel ferry, I could continue with things we have seen over the last 3 years...

So to the Volunteers, I say Thank you for your time and if you are a bit grouchy when we pass by and wave we will assume you have been dealing with more of the aforementioned muppets
 
So to the Volunteers, I say Thank you for your time and if you are a bit grouchy when we pass by and wave we will assume you have been dealing with more of the aforementioned muppets

+1

Never mind dinghies, Jissel's come close to rolling her spreaders into the water when a couple of stinkpotters cross just off the plane and we've got the full "benefit"
 
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chrishscorp said:
I couldnt agree more, they are sadly needed, most users obey the rules governng the entrance some dont

from the jetski idjits who thought the whole entrance and inner harbour was their play ground, the numpty skipper of a power cruiser who steamed past a young family in a sailing dinghy coming in in the entrance who came within a nats b*llock of capsizing due to his excessive wash, he continued completely oblivious. I have even seen a small boat anchored off the round tower whilst they fish oblivious too the fact they will be rundown or swamped by the next cross channel ferry, I could continue with things we have seen over the last 3 years...

So to the Volunteers, I say Thank you for your time and if you are a bit grouchy when we pass by and wave we will assume you have been dealing with more of the aforementioned muppets
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Well Said, I'll make sure my Harbour Womble chum sees this thread. The boat anchored fishing off the Round Tower would have made a lovely pic, but speaking as an alleged photographer / also boat owner, sometimes one just cannot grab a camera AND stay afloat...:)
 
For those using the harbour today you also had QHM in their black rib. So pleased to our defence budget stretches to the costs of Sunday working . They seem to be very interested in no 4 buoy for some reason?
 
To be fair the RN guard boats are nothing to do with the ' harbour wombles ' whose focus is safety and helpful guidance, as far as I know ' riddling with bullets ' is only a last resort if no friendly wave or chance of a cuppa :)

Re the other more serious lot, western navies all over the world have to place defences and are understably a bit on edge since the attack on the USS Cole; and if you were a baddie what could look more innocent than a Centaur with a forepeak full of explosives, on a sunny weekend ?...

http://channel.nationalgeographic.c...nn3ekoiBKllunbR42-9I-645gmpXUf_XDeF2UH4eOkLw/
 
ashtead said:
For those using the harbour today you also had QHM in their black rib. So pleased to our defence budget stretches to the costs of Sunday working . They seem to be very interested in no 4 buoy for some reason?
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You will probably find they don’t get overtime. RN staff are paid 24/7. And the majority of idiot jet skis come out at weekends so why wouldn’t they.
 
Well, during Sunday's trip in and out of PH I observed three boats passing the wrong side of ballast, two ignoring the small boat channel and going straight up the middle of the harbour entrance, one thumping great mobo who felt the need to accelerate onto the plane as so as they had passed blockhouse, and finally a powerboat that came down the eastern side of the channel crossing to the western when they had almost reached round tower. It seemed the numpties were out in force that day.
 
This weekend was full of idiots. I saw the wombles dealing with a number of rogue jet skis speeding through the harbour, both of which the police joined in, several foreign yachts try to come down the East side of the channel before they were intercepted, and lord knows how many just ignoring the SBC rules. I saw them deal with one old fool that was oblivious to a huge vessel with wind vanes on board coming up behind him as he was crossing over just past Blockhouse on the way out. He had no idea.
 
The US spend huge amounts on the development of various weapon systems like the Small Diameter Precision Bomb, Joint Direct Attack Munition etc etc.

When all the while what is plainly required is the

Active warhead
Naturally instictive
Terrain guidance
Idiot seeking
Normal people identifying
User friendly
Man portable
Precision guided
T hermal guidance
Yacht operable system

- The ANTI-NUMPTY missile.

I have already submitted my preliminary design to the MOD, but as this is a humanitarian project would welcome input from all, I'm working on the

ATWATS

Acoustic
Tattoed
Wanker
Always
Terrible
Sounding

seeker system and software to have it do several subsonic passes around jet ski's before finally going straight up the transom - owner or craft, doesn't really matter. but could be selectable :)
 
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LOL - My experience of them has always been polite, but in the 'thick of the mosh' (about halfway through a spring ebb about 16:00 on a crowded Sunday afternoon) they are always sat in their boat right in the bl**dy way!

I have wondered if they should be granted some kind of dispensation to sit in the middle of the channel in a boat with big shiny spikes on it (no-one will approach...), and only dive into the small boat channel when someone's engine fails as they just reach Blockhouse.
 
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