Our new charter business website.

More proof reading needed! Watergare farm? But I am sue you will spot them ll in time.

You mention "water slap in a traditional forward cabin" yet the boat boasts a forward VIP cabin, in my opinion, I would remove the statement.

The pictures are excellent however the one shot of the saloon needs tidying up, the rear deck is a mess and it is not presented very well.

In the itinerary section you list, mooring up on the Hamble and "walk ashore" what happens if the moorings are all full, you also mention a meal at the Jolly sailor, I think you need to add, 'subject to availability' and or tides?

The site is good, looks professional, easy to navigate, a little to much text for my liking.

You did ask!
 
I thought it looked very professional and (scuse my contrariness) didn't mind the big pics and the need to scroll down.

As ever with this kind of thing one points out the bits that arguably need changing, so I'm dsorry that what follows is such a list, and please don't forget my first sentence above :)

1. I 100% agree with deuc2 that the single sex relationship para is truly cringworthy in a David Brent kind of way and doesn't belong in 2012. you really have to delete this henry. your aim in including it makes sense, but the words do not do the job you are wanting
2. Overall there are loads too many words. I nearly fell asleep at the dull detail. No one cares that your tender has an alloy hul - I'm a boat geek and even I don't care.. And that you patio doors are "triple". And tat the USA brand name is Viking (reader thinks: why is he telling me that - I hope he isn't the skipper). And that you "do not provide medical support per se" - thanks for clarifying just in case I decided to ask for a hip replacement after my latte. You need to get 300 words out of the whole thing
3. Quite a few typos + duff punctuation. The home page button should say "itinerary".
4. "Litter the solent" feels a bit malapropism to me when you're talking about nice not nasty things in the solent
5. Pricing looked good value and attractive. Should work well on that front
6. Tracy Emin beds are a personal hate. Yours were not pure Tracy, but they were enough not-quite-straight to annoy. In photos like that everything needs to be crisp perfect and you need to spend 20mins preparing the beds for the shot. Ditto some of the background in the other pics (cushions in cockpit)
7. Flowers would be good :-)

Despite the above points i thought it was great. Nice pics and a very slick pro feel to the whole thing. The whole product you're offering looks excellent and I wish you much success with it
 
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Still reading henry :)

"Disability - By virtue of their design boats are not ideally suited to those with mobility problems. Things to consider are getting on and off the boat (including using the tender), tackling stairs on board and narrow doorways, toilet and shower compartments with restricted space. We want to extend the luxury Motor yacht experience to as many people as possible on an inclusive basis but please be aware of the potential problems. In exceptional circumstances it may be possible to arrange a meeting at the boat to determine whether your disability would preclude you from taking a charter prior to booking. This would be done on a free of charge basis."

I think you might be verging on discrimination in the legal sense here.
 
Thanks for that. Some of the content is for Search engine optimisation, the Viking boats part being one of them. We are targeting not just British guests.

Word count, up to a point, is your friend when it comes to search engine love.

Henry :)
 
Looks good

As usual a quality job Henry , my only nit pick would be that i had to hunt through all the pages to find out how many guests could be aboard overnight / daytime .
 
Purely for comparison/research, here is a website for a boat near mine in Antibes. The boat isn't pristine and new like yours but the photos of the made-up tables and flowers and stuff work well, imho. (Still has Tracy Emin beds LOL!)
http://www.d5yachtcharters.com/accueil_new.html

You might want to make clear on your website that you can do a day charter with lunch or dinner for 6 and show a table for 6 so people can imagine having dinner on board. Lots of people like day charters and want to return to own bed or hotel at night
 
henryf said:
Word count, up to a point, is your friend when it comes to search engine love.
Click to expand...
OK but I would not book if I felt Le Skipper was going to tell me what material his tender hull is made from. Seriously, I'd run a mile at the thought of having to listen to such stuff.
 
henryf said:
Word count, up to a point, is your friend when it comes to search engine love.

Henry :)
Click to expand...

tis true but you can do this instead putting the small font text in the same font as the background in a little corner of the webpage with maybe some witty dittys in there for the bemuzement of the IT guys whilst retaining the word count but hiding the content from the customers leaving the none cluttered wording viewable:D
 
jfm said:
Purely for comparison/research, here is a website for a boat near mine in Antibes. The boat isn't pristine and new like yours but the photos of the made-up tables and flowers and stuff work well, imho. (Still has Tracy Emin beds LOL!)
http://www.d5yachtcharters.com/accueil_new.html

You might want to make clear on your website that you can do a day charter with lunch or dinner for 6 and show a table for 6 so people can imagine having dinner on board. Lots of people like day charters and want to return to own bed or hotel at night
Click to expand...

I will have to take your word for it. Flash means it falls at the first hurdle for we hipsters on our iPads. First rule, make sure your site works on all the platforms.

There is mention of day charters on the pricing page but will look to raise the day charter profile.


Henry :)
 
oGaryo said:
tis true but you can do this instead putting the small font text in the same font as the background in a little corner of the webpage with maybe some witty dittys in there for the bemuzement of the IT guys whilst retaining the word count but hiding the content from the customers leaving the none cluttered wording viewable:D
Click to expand...


Have you just subliminally told me to go out and subscribe to Motorboat & Yachting?

H ;)
 
henryf said:
I will have to take your word for it. Flash means it falls at the first hurdle for we hipsters on our iPads. First rule, make sure your site works on all the platforms.
Click to expand...
Ah, yes, I see your point! Major schoolboy error on their part for not offering Apple flavour! Just to be clear I am not saying that site is by any means perfect. I merely think it has some good features and photography that could provide useful inspiration when doing a charter website
 
I really liked the site and the concept and might even be tempted if it wasn't for the fact I'm already in the area. The thing that struck me was the food and drink, which I thought was a little downmarket and austere for a £1MM boat and those (very reasonable) charter prices. While I'm all for goat's cheese and pie and mash I tend to associate lobster, langoustines, etc. with spending that sort of money. I would imagine for most of your customers this would be a fairly special event so they'd be looking for something special too. Put it this way - I couldn't get away with giving my OH pie & mash on a romantic weekend away, no matter how good it was or how much I like it. It would be time to check out the quarterberth if I offered that up:) Beverages" sounds a bit like a café menu too. Call it Drink - people will expect tea or coffee on request anyway. They'll be more interested in knowing if any champagne, fine wine, spirits and liqueurs, etc are included so I'd elaborate on "rather than force you to drink what we have we let you supply your favourite wines, spirits and liqueurs and will keep them at the perfect temperature for you to either help yourself or to be served to you by the crew whenever you wish". Hope you take this is the way it's intended but that page does sound a little bit more health farm than sybaritic.
 
Hi Henry.
I haven't read all of the responses so sorry if I repeat any but here's my view fwiw...
You're getting there for sure. The boat looks great; spacious, crisp and clean etc. I like the presentation so far (I know you're still tweaking) but...as you are asking for constructive feedback for possible improvement I have to point out that grammar and punctuation is massively important, especially when trying to promote a high end product. Also and I hope you don't mind me saying this but I think you are trying just a bit too hard. Sometimes less is more. You simply don't need to go to the lengths of description of services and possible services etc etc available. It's more than enough just to emphasize 'tailor made' followed by 'just contact us with your requirements'. One other thing Henry...please, please drop the 'Rainbow friendly' line and the explanation of 'we're not bothered whether you're gay, straight, married with a secret lover etc.' It's way too much and just not necessary imo. The emphasis on 'discreet' is enough.
Anyway, that said...I think you're doing a great job and I hope it'll be a great success...I'm sure it will.
Lisa
:)
 
jfm said:
Ah, yes, I see your point! Major schoolboy error on their part for not offering Apple flavour! Just to be clear I am not saying that site is by any means perfect. I merely think it has some good features and photography that could provide useful inspiration when doing a charter website
Click to expand...

I appreciate your input. Totally open to suggestions and comments. When you work on something closely it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. Both Matt (my IT boffin) and myself often say this to each other.

Not at all precious of the current incarnation of the site.

There were some really valid comments made on the P42 site. An interesting cross section of people on here.

Henry :)
 
I think that once we've sorted out your website for you two of us should see how it compares to the reality.

I am prepared to give my time freely but as I'm not rainbow inclined I think that you should look for a female forumite too.

Perhaps someone who has contributed to this thread.

Ahem :D
 
Hi, following on from " DeucO2 " post Re PC , there is too much information / call it wordy , you might as well say if Germans are present we promise not to mention the War in a Basil Fawlty esq manner .
Use brochure Pic,s as JFm, suggests flowers and beautiful peaple sat around with smiley faces , so the punter can visualise themselves.
Never mention holding tank and tiolet , we know what a en suite is , too much info again.
No mention of wine cellar , and for the evening meal I would leave out " pie and mash" does,nt fit the image .That aspect the evening meal needs to go up several notches above a " fray- Bentos " meat pie .Or cop out and tender ashore , or one of you learn to chief , plenty of cook books about. The punter could pre order@ booking to ease preparation inc bottles of cheap bubbly
Loose the reference to lactose , looks anally retentive ( excuse the pun)
People with these special dietary issues will go out of there way to inform you .
It's off putting , too control freaky and the £1 m purchase price mention in relation to the fee sends out the wrong signal, easy jet do not mention the cost of the Airbus A310 when I book, who cares?
I,am sorry if this all sounds a bit harsh, but you did ask , I have bothered to give this advice with good intentions
Good luck with it I hope it all works out
Regards Portofino
 
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Like the site, good start. A couple of observations on photos, whilst the photos are ok, subject to the other comments above, it would be nice to have 'in action' shots, either of the boat underway or at anchor somewhere nice. As it stands they are decent, Workmanlike, but don't really excite. Whilst beautiful models in Ray Bans might be too much, you are trying to sell an image at that price point IMHO.... Same comments go for your gallery.

Other point, some of the text comes across as, well, a bit long winded. Appreciate there are SEO reasons, but does telling them that you have lactose free goats cheese really add much? The whole snacks piece could be summed up with something like 'a large selection of on board snacks are available, from cheese and biscuits, perfect for a quiet anchorage with a glass of wine, to popcorn to accompany a romantic late night movie'. I can't imagine that the sort of person taking a crewed charter for 1800 a day is going to worry if you have pot noodles on board :)


Apologies if these duplicate anyone else's, but I hope that helps

Cheers,

Jamie
 
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Here's another. Not saying it is perfect or better than yours henry but it provides nice comparison and inspiration. Some of the photos are absolutely fantastically excellent top notch if you don't mind me saying, ahem
www.wavecharter.com
 
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