OOW Drunk

Well, there's the old story!

Second officer comes on board roaring drunk. Captain places entry in the log saying, "Today, the Second Officer was drunk".
The next day, the Second Officer, having sobered up, wrote "Today, the Captain was sober!"
 
mjcoon said:
I still think that the story about the lady who told Churchill he was drunk is better!
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That was no lady. That was Bessie.
There's some evidence that Churchill purloined the retort, which doesn't make it any less funny.

Lady Astor is sometimes 'credited' as being Churchill's straight woman in the exchange. In fact her most famous contretemps with the great drunk went something like this:
Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."
Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

My own favourite for sheer quick-witted cleverness:
Lord Sandwich to John Wilkes: "Sir, I know not whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox."
Wilkes: "That depends, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
(Like many historic quotes, there are various versions, but all amounting to the same thing.)
 
macd said:
...
There's some evidence that Churchill purloined the retort, which doesn't make it any less funny.
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While we're using Churchill as an excuse to go off-topic, there's also the one where some MP called Paling called Churchill a "dirty dog" and Churchill reminded him what dogs do to palings...

Mike.
 
alan_d said:
It seems as though the concerns expressed here about some merchant vessels are well-founded.
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Far from being the first...

More surprising than one rogue officer was the case a couple of years ago where all of them held a birthday party on the bridge, complete with plentiful vodka toasts. Then they all went below to sleep it off and the ship collided with Portugal.

Pete
 
mjcoon said:
While we're using Churchill as an excuse to go off-topic, there's also the one where some MP called Paling called Churchill a "dirty dog" and Churchill reminded him what dogs do to palings...

Mike.
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I love Churchill's one about animals.

He said " Cats-a Cat looks down on you-they are self sufficient and distainfull. Dogs- a Dog looks up to you-they rely on you for food and shelter.

But take a Pig-a Pig looks you in the eye and treats you as an equal! "

As well as a fair Artist in oils and watercolour Churchill was a builder of walls and a handy swineherd-he often kept Pigs.
 
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...and the author of the MAIB report has lost his command of English "The OOW lost situational awareness while under the influence of alcohol."

Doesn't anyone proof read these reports before they are published?
 
prv said:
Far from being the first...
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When I sailed out of Whitby on the NE coast more years ago than I care to think about, a small freighter ran up the beach to the west of the harbour entrance and it took many weeks for ditch-digging, a high tide and tug to get her afloat again. The subsequent report indicted both captain and OOW of drunkenness. Indeed, local lore had it that any southbound commercial vessel should be treated with caution as their last port of call could have been the Tees, only a short distance away. Northbound vessels however, could be assumed to have travelled far and long enough to have sobered up.
 
mjcoon said:
While we're using Churchill as an excuse to go off-topic, there's also the one where some MP called Paling called Churchill a "dirty dog" and Churchill reminded him what dogs do to palings...

Mike.
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Personally I think his critique of a dinner he attended cannot be bettered

"Dinner would have been splendid...if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess.”
 
AndrewfromFal said:
Personally I think his critique of a dinner he attended cannot be bettered

"Dinner would have been splendid...if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess.”
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On leaving a toilet without washing his hands, a colleague said: "At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the lavatory." Churchill replied: "At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands."
 
I don't know who said it, but on of my favourite insults is, "The honourable gentleman thinks he's a wit. He's half right."

Going back on topic, one of the first MAIB reports I read was about a small coaster with a Polish mate alone on a night watch. Alone apart from a bottle of whisky. After a while, he got bored, so he turned off the bridge alarm and went to his cabin with his 70-proof friend. The first anyone else knew of it was when the ship steamed full ahead up Dungeness Point.
 
Glencallum Bay at the south end of Bute is a nice anchorage, but it is a wee bit restricted in space.

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This reminds me of when in 1993 we were motoring in flat calm from Manila to Honkong returning from the South China Sea Race and ran out ,or nearly,of diesel. After calling many ships and being ignored a Croatian ship responded.The radio operator was very talkative and offered to drop a couple of (huge) plastic containers with diesel.He said that the captain was drunk in his cabin so it wouldn't matter. They nearly ran us down at full speed and we had to really get out of their way!
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