ChrisP
Well-Known Member
For all of you observant type out there. You will be wondering at the absence of Pauline B over the last few days. Well here is an up to the decade news flash.
Sat waiting in the car last night while wife pays the gardener and phone rings. Pauline’s No. 4 and youngest. Mum and dad won’t be in the club tonight. Mums in A&E. After marvelling at the latest attempt at avoiding her round of drinks we pick up Sam and go a visiting.
There she is in all her glory perched on a trolley waiting for the next bout of tests and recovering from the 5 rapid circuits of the department being chased by a student doctor, fully rubber gloved, swamped in KY jelly and intent on giving our heroine a rather personal exam. Unfortunately for Pauline he knew a short cut and our unwilling patient was duly examined. I should point out that I’m relating this under the threat of death or even worse having Pauline come to stay for a week or two.
So there she is in pain and discomfort from severe abdominal disruption. As she found it even more painful to laugh we duly set about relating funny stories and taking the p**s out of her condition and surroundings.
By now we had considered the situation and come up with several possibilities and actions to be taken.
1. Abnormally huge attack of trapped wind. We have taken appropriate action and should the wind break the met office will issue gale warnings for sea areas Gusset, Knee Cap and Bobby Socks. All vessels in these areas should proceed with caution as there is a real risk of storm damage.
2. Kidney or Gall stones. Both RMC and Greenhams stone and gravel have been invited to tender for the job of removing the stones and selling them to an unsuspecting building industry. However there has been a late starter in the bidding race. It seem that the producers of the World Strongest Man programme fell that their Atlas stone are showing signs of age and could use Pauline’s stones as awesome replacements.
Armed with our diagnosis we set out to find the doctor to negotiate television rights. Following the trail of broken syringe needles. We eventually traced them to a secluded corner where they were drawing lots to see who would have the fatal task of telling her that she wont be able to go to the boat this weekend.
They finally decided to give this duty to the unsuspecting trainee on the next shift and informed us that it was time they did an X ray or two. So we left them to it as by this time Pauline was doing her impression of a homicidal honey monster.
The family have requested that there should be no floral tributes. Instead would all well wishers signify their feelings with a donation of Diamond White cider. As she will be making up lost drinking time as soon as she can sit up. Apparently it is not available in intravenous drip packaging.
More news as it happens
ChrisP
Sat waiting in the car last night while wife pays the gardener and phone rings. Pauline’s No. 4 and youngest. Mum and dad won’t be in the club tonight. Mums in A&E. After marvelling at the latest attempt at avoiding her round of drinks we pick up Sam and go a visiting.
There she is in all her glory perched on a trolley waiting for the next bout of tests and recovering from the 5 rapid circuits of the department being chased by a student doctor, fully rubber gloved, swamped in KY jelly and intent on giving our heroine a rather personal exam. Unfortunately for Pauline he knew a short cut and our unwilling patient was duly examined. I should point out that I’m relating this under the threat of death or even worse having Pauline come to stay for a week or two.
So there she is in pain and discomfort from severe abdominal disruption. As she found it even more painful to laugh we duly set about relating funny stories and taking the p**s out of her condition and surroundings.
By now we had considered the situation and come up with several possibilities and actions to be taken.
1. Abnormally huge attack of trapped wind. We have taken appropriate action and should the wind break the met office will issue gale warnings for sea areas Gusset, Knee Cap and Bobby Socks. All vessels in these areas should proceed with caution as there is a real risk of storm damage.
2. Kidney or Gall stones. Both RMC and Greenhams stone and gravel have been invited to tender for the job of removing the stones and selling them to an unsuspecting building industry. However there has been a late starter in the bidding race. It seem that the producers of the World Strongest Man programme fell that their Atlas stone are showing signs of age and could use Pauline’s stones as awesome replacements.
Armed with our diagnosis we set out to find the doctor to negotiate television rights. Following the trail of broken syringe needles. We eventually traced them to a secluded corner where they were drawing lots to see who would have the fatal task of telling her that she wont be able to go to the boat this weekend.
They finally decided to give this duty to the unsuspecting trainee on the next shift and informed us that it was time they did an X ray or two. So we left them to it as by this time Pauline was doing her impression of a homicidal honey monster.
The family have requested that there should be no floral tributes. Instead would all well wishers signify their feelings with a donation of Diamond White cider. As she will be making up lost drinking time as soon as she can sit up. Apparently it is not available in intravenous drip packaging.
More news as it happens
ChrisP
