NOAH2
New member
Whatever stories you may have heard up 'till this point about, precisely where Noah's Ark finally came to rest, please forget them, because I know they are not true.
The definitive story about Noah's Ark is written below and since I am Noah, I was there, so please don't argue with me! You should know from the sories that you have heard before, (and this bit is true) that I am God's best friend, so please don't push me!
Well for a kick off, I am Noah, I am 39 right now (any suggestion that I am nearer 700 is utter folly, I just couldn't blow out that many candles!) so at the time of The Ark coming to rest, or 'landing', as I prefer to put it, I would have been about 36ish.
Unlike all the other stories you may have heard about two by two and me having a vision of building a big boat to harbour all the creatures of the planet, I did not really have that much notice. Well none actually! Neither did I have the option to begat three sons with partners in tow. We just didn't get a choice in those days.
What really came to pass was that me and Nelly (that's her real name okay!) couldn't afford the luxury of a high rise stack, of hay and mud. So, thinking along the lines that we all started out as fish, we pondered the idea of getting into the environment from whence they came. It seemed we were way ahead of our time, we thought it was a bit 'organic'. A box, a boat, it floats we're off. Twas that simple really, five little darlings on board and seven shiny goldfish.
Contrary to popular belief, The Ark didn't float aimlessly into the abyss for years and years, no, it was actually INVITED into a beautiful, pretty boat park, in the South of the ancient Cambrian Region, where it stayed undisturbed for the best part of three whole years.
Also, not quite according to the stories you may have heard, we were able to go to and fro, without the need to precariously land THE ARK on the top on any mountain. Neither were we miles from human habitation. Whatever miracle had brought us safe thus far, also brought us to within a mile of Tesco, Asda and the Co-op! How convenient.
I know I digress, but as a matter of interest, there is just about everything one (with any moderate standards), could possibly wish for in this locale. Cinemas, parks, swimming pools, opera and performing arts facilities, restaurants, you name it, I think its catered for. Oh, and don't forget Chuches! I am under contract, so I have to mention the abundance of Churches.
So Nell was just one month away from 'giving it her all', for she was with child, our child, and soon to be born at that. All was settled aboard The Ark. Snuggly and peacefully we lived aboard until somebody decided, (even God didn't tell us) that THE ARK should finally 'come to rest' in a most spectacular fashion.
Nelly and I were just quietly sitting down to watch our favourite vid, it was a dark cold night, bitterly cold. The rain and sleet was pounding against the windows. The winds were high.
CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! KABOOM! Noah's Ark had finally come to 'rest', but this wasn't on Mount Arrarat, it was on the Hammerhead of G pontoon, AT CREST NICHOLSONS' MARINA, IN PENARTH MARINA, VALE OF GLAMORGAN, WALES, UK. I know there will be some weak in faith and a few zealots who want exact details, so that's CF64 1TQ.
In the other story you already know, the waters 'subside', but this was slightly different.........someone just decided to open the lock gates, but didn't bother to tell me and sack-dress (pet name) about it! It's true to say that there were parts of our anatomy that went from half a crown to a sixpence in a millisecond!
Though we may have travelled so far in life experience, nothing has ever prepared us quite for the journey ahead......The Ark has since developed a leak!
Oh My God!!!
Noah.
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The definitive story about Noah's Ark is written below and since I am Noah, I was there, so please don't argue with me! You should know from the sories that you have heard before, (and this bit is true) that I am God's best friend, so please don't push me!
Well for a kick off, I am Noah, I am 39 right now (any suggestion that I am nearer 700 is utter folly, I just couldn't blow out that many candles!) so at the time of The Ark coming to rest, or 'landing', as I prefer to put it, I would have been about 36ish.
Unlike all the other stories you may have heard about two by two and me having a vision of building a big boat to harbour all the creatures of the planet, I did not really have that much notice. Well none actually! Neither did I have the option to begat three sons with partners in tow. We just didn't get a choice in those days.
What really came to pass was that me and Nelly (that's her real name okay!) couldn't afford the luxury of a high rise stack, of hay and mud. So, thinking along the lines that we all started out as fish, we pondered the idea of getting into the environment from whence they came. It seemed we were way ahead of our time, we thought it was a bit 'organic'. A box, a boat, it floats we're off. Twas that simple really, five little darlings on board and seven shiny goldfish.
Contrary to popular belief, The Ark didn't float aimlessly into the abyss for years and years, no, it was actually INVITED into a beautiful, pretty boat park, in the South of the ancient Cambrian Region, where it stayed undisturbed for the best part of three whole years.
Also, not quite according to the stories you may have heard, we were able to go to and fro, without the need to precariously land THE ARK on the top on any mountain. Neither were we miles from human habitation. Whatever miracle had brought us safe thus far, also brought us to within a mile of Tesco, Asda and the Co-op! How convenient.
I know I digress, but as a matter of interest, there is just about everything one (with any moderate standards), could possibly wish for in this locale. Cinemas, parks, swimming pools, opera and performing arts facilities, restaurants, you name it, I think its catered for. Oh, and don't forget Chuches! I am under contract, so I have to mention the abundance of Churches.
So Nell was just one month away from 'giving it her all', for she was with child, our child, and soon to be born at that. All was settled aboard The Ark. Snuggly and peacefully we lived aboard until somebody decided, (even God didn't tell us) that THE ARK should finally 'come to rest' in a most spectacular fashion.
Nelly and I were just quietly sitting down to watch our favourite vid, it was a dark cold night, bitterly cold. The rain and sleet was pounding against the windows. The winds were high.
CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! KABOOM! Noah's Ark had finally come to 'rest', but this wasn't on Mount Arrarat, it was on the Hammerhead of G pontoon, AT CREST NICHOLSONS' MARINA, IN PENARTH MARINA, VALE OF GLAMORGAN, WALES, UK. I know there will be some weak in faith and a few zealots who want exact details, so that's CF64 1TQ.
In the other story you already know, the waters 'subside', but this was slightly different.........someone just decided to open the lock gates, but didn't bother to tell me and sack-dress (pet name) about it! It's true to say that there were parts of our anatomy that went from half a crown to a sixpence in a millisecond!
Though we may have travelled so far in life experience, nothing has ever prepared us quite for the journey ahead......The Ark has since developed a leak!
Oh My God!!!
Noah.
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