ParaHandy
Active member
Hello, this is me, Alistair Campbell, reporting to you the events here in the 52nd state, something which Tony has long wanted … hmmm, hmmm (I learnt that hmmm hmmm from a judge, you know,. who thought I was honest .. ha ha) yesterday I was listening to a speech by the future Governor of this fine state, T Blair, welcoming President Bush. Governor-elect Blair in his trademark style, arms extended with palms upwards mouthing platitudes, was keen to impress the President with the state’s integration into the Union after deciding everyone should drive on the left which, at a stroke, cured any congestion problems as motorways snarled up with absent minded drivers driving on the wrong side .. tch, tch …
Most Americans think the U.K. always was the 51st state and Mr Blair survived the uproar, particularly amongst liberal members of the Labour Party, who feared that under the American political system, they would have to join the Democratic Party.
Blair, however, insisted the advantages of becoming another star on the U.S. flag are too great to ignore. “Trust me! As Americans, we will finally be able to lift the yoke of cross-Atlantic condescension,” he said. “We will finally be able to say we won the Colonial Rebellion. We will be able to once again look in the mirror and say, 'We are a superpower.' And we will be able to declare that we 'saved our own butts' during World War II."
With 60 million people, Great Britain, now renamed Britannia to blend in with other U.S. states that end in "a," becomes the most populous state. Eventually, plans call for Scotland and Wales be spun off as the 52nd and 53rd states, but Northern Ireland's status remains uncertain. “Northern Ireland is a place of deep-seated hatreds and senseless violence, so I don't know if it would qualify as a state," said one source. "It might qualify as an American high school, though."
U.S. diplomatic sources, meanwhile, said inclusion was not a certainty, and explained that the British must make concessions before being granted statehood. Among them:
a) Drop the phony accents.
b) Rename all airports after Ronald Reagan.
c) Disband the Royal Family, "not because America doesn't recognize nobility, but because they're a bunch of nutters."
The future governor of Britannia, however, insisted any cultural compromises would be worth it if the new state gained long-sought representation in Washington, D.C. "For too long we have been governed by America without having a vote in America," said Blair. "As citizens of the United States, we will finally make our voices heard."
"Unless they disagree with the President's voice," he quickly added.
Well, listeners, its goodbye. I’m off on another lecture tour at fifty grand a go so stuff the lot of you ..
10 Downing St, State of Britania
… humble and sincere apologies to one of the finest broadcasters, Alastair Cook ….
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Most Americans think the U.K. always was the 51st state and Mr Blair survived the uproar, particularly amongst liberal members of the Labour Party, who feared that under the American political system, they would have to join the Democratic Party.
Blair, however, insisted the advantages of becoming another star on the U.S. flag are too great to ignore. “Trust me! As Americans, we will finally be able to lift the yoke of cross-Atlantic condescension,” he said. “We will finally be able to say we won the Colonial Rebellion. We will be able to once again look in the mirror and say, 'We are a superpower.' And we will be able to declare that we 'saved our own butts' during World War II."
With 60 million people, Great Britain, now renamed Britannia to blend in with other U.S. states that end in "a," becomes the most populous state. Eventually, plans call for Scotland and Wales be spun off as the 52nd and 53rd states, but Northern Ireland's status remains uncertain. “Northern Ireland is a place of deep-seated hatreds and senseless violence, so I don't know if it would qualify as a state," said one source. "It might qualify as an American high school, though."
U.S. diplomatic sources, meanwhile, said inclusion was not a certainty, and explained that the British must make concessions before being granted statehood. Among them:
a) Drop the phony accents.
b) Rename all airports after Ronald Reagan.
c) Disband the Royal Family, "not because America doesn't recognize nobility, but because they're a bunch of nutters."
The future governor of Britannia, however, insisted any cultural compromises would be worth it if the new state gained long-sought representation in Washington, D.C. "For too long we have been governed by America without having a vote in America," said Blair. "As citizens of the United States, we will finally make our voices heard."
"Unless they disagree with the President's voice," he quickly added.
Well, listeners, its goodbye. I’m off on another lecture tour at fifty grand a go so stuff the lot of you ..
10 Downing St, State of Britania
… humble and sincere apologies to one of the finest broadcasters, Alastair Cook ….
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