Learning to share duties with my other half

[Rocksteadee]

Don’t teach the wife. Unless it is a very rare relationship where she will let you.
Don’t just count to 10, count to 20

 

[Seajet]

' AND where she will let you '

I found any constructive criticism on helming technique works rather poorly on ladies, with a very negative feedback in all sorts of ways.

 

[James_Calvert]

Whatever your approach, make sure you persevere over the next 2 or 3 years.

Otherwise your upcoming 7 year old will upstage her mum and that will be it.

 

[Seajet]

No adult human, gatling gun, armour or missile system can beat a Snotty in an Oppie

 

[Daydream believer]

My wife and I did the Day Skipper Practical together and in the assessment on the last day, the teacher told me that I was good on the helm, but terrible at deck work. He said that my wife was the exact opposite - her rope work and sail management was excellent, but she could not steer the boat. He passed us both on the condition that we reversed roles for a few months!

So you both failed but he gave you both a pass
says a lot for that qualificationdoes it not?

 

[Daydream believer]

Our solution was for the wife to start playing golf 2-3 times a week. No problem deciding who does what on the boat now������

 

[ghostlymoron]

It's very difficult for a husband to teach a wife anything and further complicated when possible damage to a boat is concerned. Maybe your wife should go on a Dayskipper course on her own.
I hate to see the 'traditional' situation of husband bawling a string of orders to a wife from behind the wheel/tiller while his partner gets things wrong and is shouted at again - not a recipe for marital harmony.

 

[mattonthesea]

To improve your teaching it is worth finding another person (defo not your wife) to instruct. Blindfold them and give them instructions to come alongside etc. That will show you how clear and calm you have to be. Once you're happy with doing this in a variety of situations then you'll be able to let your wife helm in close quarters calmly too. Your confidence will probably transfer to her.

 

[johnalison]

To improve your teaching it is worth finding another person (defo not your wife) to instruct. Blindfold them and give them instructions to come alongside etc. That will show you how clear and calm you have to be. Once you're happy with doing this in a variety of situations then you'll be able to let your wife helm in close quarters calmly too. Your confidence will probably transfer to her.

Brilliant idea. Anyone care to lend me a boat to practice on?

 

[stuartwineberg]

Swmbo is a very keen sailor, excellent marina rope handler and steady helm. Until recently never parked the boat. I now look for guaranteed wins when we get to our home berth, namely slack water, gentle wind onto the berth and I just stand by the shrouds where she normally does and talk her in. So far (3 times) 100 percent success. My insurance is lots of fenders both sides and the remote for the bowthruster in my hand (never used so far). I deliberately put myself too far away to grab the wheel or throttle, keeps me under control. Worst case is we glide bow first onto the walkway and we have a bow fender or we get stranded mid alley between the pontoon and the next boat, who cares. I am more confident of being returned to base when I keel over for some reason.

 

[mattonthesea]

Brilliant idea. Anyone care to lend me a boat to practice on?

Start with picking up mooring buoys. That way you can risk your own boat

 

[Shuggy]

I have sailed with the family since our twins were 18 months old. I’ve always worked on the basis that it’s much better that Mrs Shuggy is on the helm and I do all the grunt work, with the exception that I get to jump in if it’s getting tricky. We have a 43 foot 1970s nightmare in that going astern has only one rule: the bow will blow downwind in 10 seconds regardless of what you do with the wheel or engine. We have a rule - no-one shouts on the boat unless there is a genuine emergency. We’ve only had one incident in 15 years and that was my fault, even though my wife was at the wheel. We’ve also only had two shouting episodes... one was the aforementioned and the other was when she had the red mist when we were racing. Now the children are teenagers I encourage them to take the wheel and learn how the boat handles, pontooning, mooring or anchoring. Better to make (safe-ish) mistakes and learn from the experience.

 

[Seajet]

Shuggy,

I couldn't agree more; when I have crew or in a perfect world a girlfriend I know well and have experience sailing together, I am a great believer in ' the silent boat ' - any intention can be communicated by the slightest glance or nod.

If shouting is required the skipper - me - has failed, one of the reasons I turned away from racing, I can do without people yelling rules, usually to mask their own nerves.

One of my favourite moments was at the Folly pontoon, a Caprice with a Seagull engine approached, nervous looking lady on the foredeck with boathook, bloke steering.

He yelled above the engine noise

" FOR CHRISTS' SAKE LOOK NATURAL ! "

They must have thought everyone on the pontoon a friendly lot as we took their lines, we were all grinning ' been there '

 

[sailorgirl]

As the Admiral onboard I ensure duties are shared fairly - he cooks breakfast, I do supper, I do the Nav, he fixes heads, I put down the anchor, he brings it up.... anything else is up for grabs for the first person who decides its their turn. It’s taken twenty plus years and more than half a circumnavigation to get to this state of affairs but basically it needs the skipper to allow his Admiral time and practise. Just be patient and let her get on with it. Send her off to sail with others or even take the boat out without you, amazingly you’ll find your Admiral is actually quite capable just needs the confidence which usually others have in more abundance than you.

 

[SvenH]

Thanks for all the replies boys and girls!
Very helpful.

We went out for another weeks trip and after our "row" we were now able to communicate better about the problem and possible solutions.
I asked my girl to take the helm more often and she took it more often.
And we discussed it with a couple where both are super competent, and a couple where the lady is the most competent by quite a bit.

The latter lady suggested the two of them taking a course together, which is a good idea.