Joker of the Month

[themount2]

I propose a Forum award for the funniest offering in any given month. This has been prompted by the illustrious "Jimi" posting on 3rd July re Stingo>

" Stingo... Finisterre... wind on the nose. God only knows who was sitting on his face"

Thanks Jimi, really cheered up a very dull Monday.

Twister_Ken, Sailbad et al the gauntlet has now been thrown down. Let's see what you're made of!!!

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[sailbadthesinner]

Re: victim of profligacy

Apparently i have been over profligate with the brownie points. quite ironic for a scout leader.

Despite spending the weekend working and tending to SMWBO's every need and carrying out numerous jobs. I am a no good human being.
I am therefore of foul humour and will not be posting anything funny for the foreseeable.

I am a bit worried that SWMBO has also developed a drug habit. she spent much of saturday in bed and when i did take her up sustenance and love she was rambling on about getting a joint account.

Anyway i will retire to the doghouse where apparently i belong.


<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[jhr]

Smug git vindicated

<<Anyway i will retire to the doghouse where apparently i belong>>

I quote from my June posting on the Sailbad Stag Cruise board:

"........ of course this raises the question of a wedding present list for Sailbad and Mrs S2B.

Any suggestions of suitable gifts for the happy couple? e.g.:

- Bedlinen and sheets (main or jib?)
- Toastmaster for the ceremony (Hap1 + generator+ Morphy Richard)
- Guinness (Tanker courtesy of Shell Transport and Trading, and easily transportable from Fawley)
- Kennel (for Sailbad - doghouse almost certain to be needed on 9th June)"

I knew I'd be proved right eventually.


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[Russell]

Happy1 gets my vote, how it went unnoticed I'll never know......
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.ybw.com/cgi-bin/forums/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=mby&Number=372439&page=1&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=93&part=all&vc=1>http://www.ybw.com/cgi-bin/forums/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=mby&Number=372439&page=1&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=93&part=all&vc=1</A>

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[themount2]

Re: victim of profligacy

I'm so glad you got married. Makes you realise what kind of a man you really are doesn't it!!

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[themount2]

Got it.
So now we have leading contender on Scuttlebutt - Jimi and on MoBo Chat - Happy 1.
Any other suggestions? this really is a dull Monday!

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[jimi]

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.ybw.com/cgi-bin/forums/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=fouled&Number=372222&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=93&part=>Claymore</A>

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[tony_brighton]

Re: victim of profligacy

was it like this before marriage?

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[ParaHandy]

Re: victim of profligacy

have you tried plumbing ... ? no, not the colonic irragation kind.

It could be that it's quantity not quality in the brownie points dept? herewith my recommendation .... thumbing thro' the plumbers'r'us catalogue i see that joints are no longer soldered or anything else remotely difficult. Any fool can do them, now, although i know that you are vastly experienced handyman .. so, the plan is: march up to the nearest bit of plumbing she's complained about and suggest getting plumber in. The cost will cause panic as shoe purchase (for her) goes out the window but you murmur something like .. but I can do it, darling/old bat etc ... ensure air is being sucked in thro' teeth as you crouch down squinting knowingly at the wretched piece of plumbing. (If anything to do with bog .. ignore all aforesaid). Ensure it takes three to four (more is better) weeks for all the bits to come in, so time deliveries with a joint (ha ha!!) arriving every few days so don't get accused of back-sliding ... extending the period increases feeling of well-being that you aren't a no good good for nothing etc etc and builds up huge store of brownie points as she boasts to her mates what a useful etc etc etc

get B&Q tool kit for £8, do plumbing, with as much effing & blinding as you can get off with partic if in-laws visit - better still, time job when they are about so you don't have to talk to them, and you're a hero ....

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[sailbadthesinner]

Re: threadsof the year

have to be tcm's kingfisher threads
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.ybw.com/cgi-bin/forums/showthreaded.pl?Cat=&Board=ym&Number=308712&page=&view=&sb=&o=&vc=1#Post308712>preecey</A>

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[ecudc]

Re: victim of profligacy

suggest chocolate, h@gen d@z icecream, pizza and a good girlie video (try Bridget Jones, the Wedding Planner or Beaches) to get back into SWIMBO's good books, it always works with me.

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[sailbadthesinner]

Re: are you trying to get me killed

SWMBO is on a diet.
unless she has just helped herself to crackling at sunday lunch. in which case she is off the diet or it is 'allowed' You should not of course mention the diet at this point, well not unless you want to have to remove bits of wedgwood from you skull.

So if you confuse the crackling as a green light to break open the haggen dazz???
you will then be accused of not being supportive of her diet. likewise chocolate with the asdded complication that occasinally chocolate is bad cos it gives her headaches (or not at other times in which case you are a b*st*rd for refusing to get out of bed drive to the garage and get her some)

as for pizza!!!!! suicide.
pizza was the previous swmbo's favourite food ( in the mind of current swmbo) and nothing is allowed in the house to remind current swmbo of previous swmbo (or that bitch as she is usually referred to)

girly videos. well we donot have a video recorder thingy. i am however the proud owner of a new dvd (wedding present obviously from one of Lou's friends.) but i have no idea how dvds or my tv works ( I have only four channels and channel four is on channel nine, itv on one, bbc2 on two, and bbc one on three) so would just be displaying my inate uselessness which would cause more ire.

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[Twister_Ken]

Smug git wrong

>I knew I'd be proved right eventually<

Whaddya mean eventually? It didn't take that long!

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Re: ooooh i dunno

Married June 14th
Doghouse July 6th

isn't that quick?

considering these are the brownie points i have wasted
marriage ceremnoy ( did all the vows with sincerity and love)
a marquee reception for 100 people
diamond necklace
five star honeymoon in italy
numerous household and garden chores including baking her fresh focaccia for lunch and bringing her cups of tea in bed (when quite frankly she should have her arse up and be ironing)

i thought all this would keep me flame proof for a least a couple of months

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[jimi]

Re: ooooh i dunno

Are ye a man or a moose? Whit kind o' man are ye? She's jist plain deesappointid mon? Its ca'd post marital blues .. she's had veesons o' marital happiness wi' a strong manly man ... and whit's she got .. a weak kneed lily livered milk sop. JIst get a grip and tell her how it is ... they like that sort o' thing.

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[jhr]

Re: Smug git wrong

How long is a piece of string?

In the space/time continuum that is marriage, I think he did quite well to survive three weeks without being consigned to the kennels!

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[sailbadthesinner]

Re: ooooh i dunno

aye your mighty richt
a'll put 'er straight the nicht
an she'll be telt tha' a' wear yon trooseers

then she'll skelp me fae sure /forums/images/icons/frown.gif

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[Twister_Ken]

I wouldnae dare tae compete wi ra maister. Claysie's yer mon, an if youse divnae concurrrr youse may awake tae find he's tekken yair forst borne bairn as recompense.

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>

 

[jimi]

Re: ooooh i dunno

Richt .. thats the way .. its jist like forming a crew.

Forming -- get together
Storming -- fight
Norming -- establish ground rules and roles
Performing -- get on

So its make or break, you'll either be a happy man or a henpecked moose by the weekend. Stand up, back straight, chin out and go!

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[StugeronSteve]

Re: ooooh i dunno

But don't present too much of a target!

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