IFF I RULED THE WURLD...Part the 40th.......

[oldgit]

All boats would have an emissions test .
All boats would have a noise test.


There, that would solve the overcrowding on moorings "overnight"

 

[Actionmat]

Excuse me your highness, could you please ban generators and the inconsiderate sods who use them?

 

[oldgit]

Excuse me your highness, could you please ban generators and the inconsiderate sods who use them?

No problem....consider it done........................
Have also got a couple of bolts of lightening for people who go below but leave their flybridge speakers playing some awful old racket usually from Adelle ? or some other tone deaf..............hear - today - gone - tomorrow .....banshee.
....as for anybody playing military bands,there is a special place in hell reserved for them.

 

[capnfishy]

All boats to be licensed to dispense gin at any time the skipper wants one.

 

[DogsBody]

All boats would have an emissions test .

Nice though it would be to get rid of some of the "old smokers" on the river, I suspect from an environmental point of view, bearing in mind the number of hours an average boat engine does in a year, that it is far more environmentally friendly to leave an old engine in a boat than to have a brand new low emission one fitted, considering all the pollution caused in making an engine in the first place.

Be good if you could have torpedo launchers fitted at locks that auto target any boats that don't move to the front of the mooring when there is room to do so though

 

[capnfishy]

I wanted to fit a Bofors 40/60 on the foredeck of the PL Hartsbourne but head of enforcement thought that a bit OTT ! Naturally, I would only have used it under S.16 of the Thames Conservancy Act 1932 that permits the blowing up of wrecks.

 

[oldgit]

Any byelaws against boats with ridiculous quantities of immaculate matching fenders announcing poor handling skills but an excess of money ?

 

[capnfishy]

Aha! Multiple fender owners are the chandlers' friends!

 

[oldgit]

The chandlers' friends!

....and if the entire crew are all dressed in the sort of technical gear normally required for winter crossings of the North Atlantic, in a very worrying shade of Pastel,for a trip between Harleyford and Henley ?

 

[Actionmat]

Could you make a rule that boats must be washed at least once a year? Perhaps you could start a 'Liveaboard of the Year' competition? A years free stay on a public mooring for an old GRP cruiser or lifeboat with the cleanest hull and tidiest pile of logs, bicycles and wheelbarrows on the roof?

 

[No Regrets]

Can I get some exemption seeing as I have TAMD40b's? :ambivalence:

 

[alanch]

Aha! Multiple fender owners are the chandlers' friends!

Most I have seen is 10 each side on a 37 ft Broom. Even the hire boats don't have that many. Anyone do any better?

 

[Murv]

Most I have seen is 10 each side on a 37 ft Broom. Even the hire boats don't have that many. Anyone do any better?

I think we're pretty close to that, I'd be far happier entering/leaving locks if my fendering made the boat look like a hovercraft in all honesty!!

 

[oldgit]

Can I get some exemption seeing as I have TAMD40b's? :ambivalence:

H,mm suspect those old bags of nails are responsible for 99% of the smoke on the Thames,they certainly are down here on the Merdeway.
A Corniche parked not millions miles away from me,is usually allowed a 30 mins head start on any cruise,with a strong wind the smoke has normally cleared by then.

 

[Actionmat]

I think we're pretty close to that, I'd be far happier entering/leaving locks if my fendering made the boat look like a hovercraft in all honesty!!

What yu need is one of those new fangled bow thruster thingies, so you can look professional with a screaming electric motor while wiggling a joystick. It's much better than learning to use your engines and everyone else in the lock will be really impressed

 

[alanch]

What yu need is one of those new fangled bow thruster thingies, so you can look professional with a screaming electric motor while wiggling a joystick. It's much better than learning to use your engines and everyone else in the lock will be really impressed

No no no. What you really need to impress are hydraulic mooring piles, (no need for ropes at bankside moorings or anchors,) and a dynamic positioning system. Press button, move boat 2 meters. Repeat in any direction. What's not to like? For the ultimate show you can have the controls built into your chair.

 

[capnfishy]

OG, please add all thrusters to your list, they are only needed in space. Every year some hapless case steers into a lock on thrusters, every year I advise that the round thing with spokes in front of him does a better job if moved side to side gently. Also, why would any twin engined boat need one? Tis a mysteree!

 

[Actionmat]

What's not to like? For the ultimate show you can have the controls built into your chair.

I do like the sound of that. Matching coloured jerseys for the crew?

 

[capnfishy]

I thought this crew uniform hit the mark. I shared it with Kris Cruisers, could be in next year's brochure.

 

[teddington_lock]

Aha! Multiple fender owners are the chandlers' friends!

We had someone in the other day for some fenders. We have racks of nice shiny white Anchor fenders.

Do you have any blue ones ?

Me. Blue ones tend to indicate that the boat is a hireboat, no one wants them really, so we don't keep them.

Ah ....