Funny boating experiences?

[mad_boater]

Any one got any funny boating experiences to relate?
Something happened to me many years ago on the Thames at Teddington.We mored up for the night my wife and 3 chidren.Went to bed early as we were off to London the next day.Not long after being in bed up comes an old tatty boat and moors up in front of us, plonks 2 enormous speakers on the back of their boat and start a bar b que with heavy metal music that sounded like world war 3.About 1 o'clock the kids were complaining about not being able to sleep.Thoughts of confronting a group of drunken youths came and went, so still in my pyjamas and my wife in her nightdress decided to move the boat to a quieter mooring.As I got moving I decided to adjust the spotlight and promptly fell in.Just by luck I managed to grab a fender as the boat carried on.My wife had no experience of maneuvering the boat so I knew I would have to try and get back on .Thank goodness I did after using the hood and ripping it. Funny now but not at the time.I felt a right idiot.

 

[mad_boater]

Any one got any funny boating experiences to relate?
Something happened to me many years ago on the Thames at Teddington.We mored up for the night my wife and 3 chidren.Went to bed early as we were off to London the next day.Not long after being in bed up comes an old tatty boat and moors up in front of us, plonks 2 enormous speakers on the back of their boat and start a bar b que with heavy metal music that sounded like world war 3.About 1 o'clock the kids were complaining about not being able to sleep.Thoughts of confronting a group of drunken youths came and went, so still in my pyjamas and my wife in her nightdress decided to move the boat to a quieter mooring.As I got moving I decided to adjust the spotlight and promptly fell in.Just by luck I managed to grab a fender as the boat carried on.My wife had no experience of maneuvering the boat so I knew I would have to try and get back on .Thank goodness I did after using the hood and ripping it. Funny now but not at the time.I felt a right idiot.

Well well well no one with anything amusing to tell?
What a straight laced lot!

 

[tinkicker0]

I've told this one before. First time out on the boat and having got my RYA PB level 2 coastal and inland, plus my CEVNI and ICC inland and coastal, I was very confident.

Of course I took my PB2 on a RIB with little windage.

Pulled up at the marina in ideal conditions, sunny and quite calm. Waited half and hour to get the boat prepped for launch and let the hubs cool down.

Dipped boat into water, powered the leg down from trailer position until the water intake and prop were just in the water and started her up. Had a bit of trouble getting off the rollers on the trailer, but a big burst of throttle and off she came.

Plan was to take the boat around to the allotted berth, moor up and wait to see if the newly fitted bellows were leaking. In my excitement, I never noticed the wind had got up (looking at the forecast later - 15, gusting 30mph) or the fact that I had neglected to drop the drive right down into trim position.

Pontoon fairway was a blind one with an old piling type boat hoist structure at the end and the slipway opposite the berth finger (E4 berth if you know York marina) and the wind was blowing straight down it. Anyway committed the cardinal sin of motoring downwind and trying to turn into the berth which was on the downwind side of the finger and a boat on the next finger down, making it a bit tight.
Tried the turn, had to abort as the wind took the bow towards the neighbouring boat and got blown down towards the boat lift.

Boats don't have brakes, no matter how hard you press on the floor, as I found out and panicking tried to do a 6 point turn while fending off the boat lift piles with a boat hook at the same time, getting increasingly panicky and unused to the throttle, I was giving it bigger handfuls of throttle.

Boat was handling rubbish and the bow was pointing skywards every time I hit the throttle and catching the wind even more.
Eventually I got out of the trap, but not without dinging the prop on the bank, and got into the berth with white face and shaking legs.

SWMBO stood at the pontoon waiting and watching commented that I did not need to show off or do a James Bond impression. Asked why, she said the bow was shooting up in the air and a big roostertail of water was going skywards every time I revved the motor. SWMBO, bless her thought it was intentional, until I crawled off the boat onto dry land, shaking and quivering like a grounded fish.
Then it hit me about the drive not been down all the way

Took me a week to get the courage to take her out again.

 

[oGaryo]

2nd time out in our 1st boat, a little 17ft bowrider..

Wiggo of this forum had kindly offered to show us the ropes, literally. We were given instructions to turn 45 degrees once we came across Hurst Castle which we did but what we didn't think to ask was, left or right? cutting a long story/journey short, instead of ending up in Colwell Bay, we found ourselves nearing a large suspended balloon after motoring for what seemed an age across open water, the isle of wight was certainly a long way from Lymington we thought... quick call to our friend put us right, well left actually, eventually found Wiggo after navigating our way past the shingles for the 2nd time that day without even thinking about the hazards of doing so, again, literally

rafted up without denting Wiggo's boat which was a miracle in itself, Jamie tied up the stern and I the bow... Wiggo being the perfect host got out the fun box and we sat drinking a tin or two whilst getting a tour of his amazing boat, until, we spotted our bowrider making way towards the rocks the west side of Colwell Bay fortunately, Wiggo had his tender in the water and sped after the boat to rescue it from the rocks.. we were then shown the ropes again but this time a lesson in how to tie knots that stay knotted

how we survived those earlier days is a mystery to me and no doubt we're a little more clued up these days but definitely expect to have a few more to write about in years to come as we become more adventurous

 

[Assassin]

Several years ago we had a boat which always had problems with the holding tank, until i got round to replacing it i carried a borehole slurry pump which fitted into any hole 4" or larger to drain the tank if it became problematic. I obtained a number of quarter lock fittings from work and made up a series of steel pipes which connected to the pump, and on the last pipe was a flexible pipe.

One day we met an Australian family who had built their own boat in steel, it was a bit crude, but very well thought out, and they were travelling the world in it. They had a problem with their holding tank and could not pump it out, so i offered them the use of my pump if they had somewhere like an inspection hatch large enough for it to fit, they had. They also had access through the deck right above this inspection hatch, which was handy.

The instructions were simple, fit the first pipe to the pump, turn 90 degrees and ensure its locked, lower the pump into the tank and keep fitting pipes until its at the bottom of the tank, then fit the pipe with the flexible pipe fitted. No problems came the reply.

Out we went to sea, the inspection hatches were removed and they installed the pump and fitted the pipes, the last pipe with the flexible pipe was fitted and the flexible pipe was thrown overboard, meanwhile wemade sure we were upwind of them. They connected the cable and switched on, the family were all on deck and watching with eager anticipation, they could use their toilets once more, then it all went wrong.

The last pipe with the flexible hose attached had not been fitted correctly, it blow off and there was a fountain of human excrement cascading into the air, then the wind hit it, it turned 90 degrees and covered their boat with the contents of the tank. It seemed like an eternity before they switched the power off, and the last section of pipe went overboard, fortunately it had a float attached to the end of the flexible pipe, so was not lost. They managed to recover the flexible pipe and reconnect it properly, and pumped out their tank, then stopped the pump and hung it over the side to pump seawater through it and its pipes to clean them. We were in stitches laughing at this disaster which had befallen them, and i nearly fell in laughing.

Fortunately they had the foresight to grab the flexible end and used the seawater to clean their boat, but they appreciated our loaning them the pump and getting then out of the mess they were in. Being Australian they moved their boat and just jumped into the sea, fully clothed, to remove the worst of their human excrement which had covered them.

 

[OldBawley]

Burgsluis, the Netherlands, October 1992.
We are moored alongside, and a beautifully restored wooden yacht comes doubling up, a normal practice in Holland. We talk old wooden ships, I admire his Sabb doinkdoink engine.
Next morning they prepare to take off, skipper on the helm, swimbo before the mast. Skipper starts engine, give me a nod to let go the lines on the bow. Than says to his wife “ Okay Maartje, push the bow off. “ Maartje is standing in there own gangway and pushes with both hands and all her force onto the mast direction open water. In disbelief skippers mouth falls open, then he looks at me and shrugs his shoulders. I push them off with the back of my boat-hook. Maartje turns around and with a big smile waves goodbye.