friday joke

[janeK]

"Hi honey, this is Daddy... Is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with UncleFrank."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Oh yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now."

"Uh, Okay, then.....here's what I want you to do put down the phone, run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy and Uncle Frank
that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?" he asks.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down the stairs and
she's not moving any more.

"Oh no...and what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes
on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the
swimming pool....but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and he's not moving either."

**** long pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Is this 597-7039?"

 

[Dave_Snelson]

That's a clever joke - nice one /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[Rowana]

A young preacher was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a man who died with no family or friends. The funeral was held way back in the country and the young preacher got lost on the way. When he arrived an hour late, he saw a backhoe and crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The workmen were eating lunch.



The diligent pastor went to the open grave to find the vault lid in place, but still he poured out his heart and preached an impassioned and lengthy service. Returning to his car, the young preacher felt that he had done his duty and he would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of his tardiness. As he got into his car, he overheard one of the workers talking to another worker: "I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years, and I ain't never seen anything like that before." Sort of gives new meaning to the term "Holy Sh1t."

/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

 

[Sammo]

The greengrocer was having a particularly bad day when an extremely large and mean looking Hell’s Angel walked in and asked for half a cabbage.
Going into the back he asked his wife to cut it saying, would you believe half a cabbage, what a$$hole would ask for that, who do these people think they are, – after a couple of minutes ranting he felt a tap on his shoulder, realising the man had followed him he quickly turned to his wife and said,

Oh, and this gentleman would like the other half.

..............

 

[ongolo]

Police border post overlooking kavango river Namiba/Angola during apartheid times when a white men was not allowed to have contact with black woman.

The major shows the W/O who is to be incharge of the border post, the books, take stock of ammunition, log book for vehicles etc. He laves the W/O and returns a mont later for the inspection.

He asks the W/O "any problems?". Yes says the W/O and leads major to the window overlooking the river.

An number of black woman bath naked and wash clothes in full view. Major says"And??"

"Well", says the W/O, "they are getting whiter by the day"

regards ongolo

 

[ongolo]

A blonde wearing nothing but a pair of shoes arrives at the entrance of a fancy dress party for a charity.

The cashier at the door says:"madam you cant go in naked like that, this is a fancy dress party. yes, she says, "this is a fancy dress"

Cashier says:"now what fancy dress does this represent?"

She step back, taps her feet rapidly, click, click clack and says:

"I am a self tapping screw"

I am not going to put my name under this one