For solo sailors - worried spouse?

[Talulah]

As I get older (recently retired) my wife is getting more and more concerned about "Suppose something goes wrong. How will I know?"
I normally sail alone. My response is usually short with "You'll find out eventually one way or another." But she is deserving of a better, more informed reply.
So what do people do? Do you have any plans in place? Lack of contact etc? Something that perhaps I should be doing and keep her a little less worried.
Thoughts? Ideas?

 

[Boathook]

As I get older (recently retired) my wife is getting more and more concerned about "Suppose something goes wrong. How will I know?"
I normally sail alone. My response is usually short with "You'll find out eventually one way or another." But she is deserving of a better, more informed reply.
So what do people do? Do you have any plans in place? Lack of contact etc? Something that perhaps I should be doing and keep her a little less worried.
Thoughts? Ideas?

Fit AIS so that she can 'track' you via an app ? Some phones allow a tracking app to that invited person's can see where you are as long as there is a phone signal.

 

[scozzy]

Quick Google will show plenty of tracking apps for both boat and phone,navionics and the like allow you to share your location beyond planned contact on dep and arrival times

 

[wingcommander]

Up your life insurance,and let her know where all the cash is hidden.
Just make sure she doesn't sell your guitars for the amount you told her you paid for them

Sorry thats my list.

In all seriousness though I try and let her know via phone on arrival at destination. However she understands i may not have phone signal etc . Try and convince her no news is generally good news. I also have AIS but if my dot disappears for some unknown reason that would probably cause unnecessary stress.

 

[OrangeOily]

Explain to her the AIS relay stations are NOT reliable.

 

[ylop]

As I get older (recently retired) my wife is getting more and more concerned about "Suppose something goes wrong. How will I know?"
I normally sail alone. My response is usually short with "You'll find out eventually one way or another." But she is deserving of a better, more informed reply.
So what do people do? Do you have any plans in place? Lack of contact etc? Something that perhaps I should be doing and keep her a little less worried.
Thoughts? Ideas?

What sort of waters are you sailing in? If it's coastal waters with phone signal then any of the following would provide her some reassurance:

1. Install RYA Safetrx (free) - and set it to share your location with her, and have her as the shore contact. If she believes there is a problem she can contact the coastguard who will also be able to see your last known location, details etc. OR

2. Use one of the location sharing services. Apple have some inbuilt "find my..." functionality if you both use iPhones, but google also have a location services option built in to google maps which works really well. I just leave mine turned on all the time. OR

3. If you use Navionics App (and I believe others like Orca) it can be set to share boat location with trusted contacts. OR

4. Whatapp has an option to share your location for a specific period (I think max 8 hr?)

Its important with those options that she knows when to contact CG (Safetrx will help her know who/what to do but I'll be honest whilst I like the idea I find it a bit clunky). Do you currently give her an ETA? Before Safetrx I used to leave an instruction in the following form: "I am planning to head to (XXX), I should arrive by [5pm] if you haven't heard from me by [6pm] it is probably just that I don't have phone signal - but please call [Belfast Coastguard on 028 9146 3933] to confirm I've called them by VHF instead". Some people would say that the latter should be 999 - but I think that people are more likely to hesitate calling 999.

If she wants a more immediate alert to your distress perhaps a PLB?

If she wants more reassurance during the day ping her pictures / weather updates etc. If that feels too much like she's watching over you - consider creating an instagram or facebook page just to post to. My son is frequently up mountains or dangling off a rope and the pics provide reassurance he's alive!

If you are constantly outside phone signal then there are commercial satellite devices from Spot, Garmin etc for sending brief updates/tracking.

 

[[70521]]

I email my passage plan to Mrs Sandy. Send a text when I depart and another when I arrive. I transmit on AIS and she can check where I am.

Oh, I have a good lifejacket so there is a chance of finding the body if I go overboard.

 

[johnalison]

You could ask Daydream believer, though I imagine Mrs Dd is too busy playing golf to care about what happens to him.

 

[ingenious]

Well, I don't have a spouse to worry about me any more but I do have two sons.
My eldest is the worrier and the one who persuaded me not to live on a boat full time.
The youngest is much more chilled and is very much a “shit happens” sort ( he and his partner are actually onboard with me at the moment)
I keep them both up to speed on where I am and where I am planning on going. I have Apple “Find my..” on Phone, iPad and Laptop. My Apple Watch has the fall detection thing which will call no 1 if it goes off.
I am looking at getting some cameras on the boat and am trying to come up with a scheme where they can check I’m OK without it being intrusive.
I've made sure both of them know where all the legal papers are if anything happens and my will ihas just been updated with the house in France, the boat and everything else.

Not much else you can do?

 

[wonkywinch]

RYA SafeTrx does the job - RYA SafeTrx

 

[jbweston]

I've come to understand that different families, different couples, different parent-child combos, etc. have different expectations about keeping in touch when they have no particular information to impart. When I'm alone on the boat, my wife and I keep in touch as and when convenient for a bit of a catchup and chat. Often that's every evening, after I've listed to the Archers when in harbour in the UK. I certainly don't contact her to let her know I'm leaving harbour or that I've arrived safely. This wouldn't do at all for some couples I know who are in touch several times a day and certainly expect to hear that the spouse has arrived safely in harbour or at the end of a road journey etc.

My wife actually does say that if something happens to me no doubt someone will let her know. My job is to try to make sure it doesn't happen, and that if it does I have the means to summon help, not to keep reporting in to say it hasn't happened.

When your wife says "Suppose something goes wrong. How will I know?" do you know (or if you don't know, could you ask her) why she would need to know? If it's a general anxiety about your safety at sea and she's seeking regular reassurance then I think it might come down to thinking about how you communicate when you're not at sea. If she's used to checking pretty regularly how you are and that you aren't laid out with a heart attack then probably it isn't fair to expect her to stop doing that just because you're on the boat.

However if it's a fear that she might miss the opportunity of calling help for you when no-one knows you're in difficulty but keeping her informed would add to your safety, then perhaps you could reassure her by explaining the multiple ways you have (I hope you have!) of calling for help even more promptly than any she could summon, and if all else fails you'll be on the blower to her sharpish to get her to call out the lifeboat.

Whatever you agree with her you do of course need to make sure you don't give her any genuine cause to worry. So best to keep the 'I missed the forecast and the wind got up and it was like rounding Cape Horn . . .' stories for the yacht club bar.

 

[ylop]

However if it's a fear that she might miss the opportunity of calling help for you when no-one knows you're in difficulty but keeping her informed would add to your safety, then perhaps you could reassure her by explaining the multiple ways you have (I hope you have!) of calling for help even more promptly than any she could summon, and if all else fails you'll be on the blower to her sharpish to get her to call out the lifeboat.

But there are scenarios where you may quite suddenly be incapacitated and incapable of calling for help. They include medical situations, slips/trips, boom strike etc as well as MOB situations where if you were expecting the risk of ending up in the drink (so made sure you had a waterproof means to get help) you probably wouldn’t have fallen in! Of course none of the above are necessarily that likely to save your life in these situations but the mission here is (a) to placate them; (b) so if the worst does happen they aren’t feeling they should have done more.

If the mission is actually to reduce risk then a wee observation: lots of people come a cropper not on the trip itself but between shore and the boat. My friends laugh at me for taking a handheld radio to the pub, but I’ve heard of too many cases where someone missed a step and couldn’t get help.

 

[dunedin]

RYA SafeTrx does the job - RYA SafeTrx

But
(A) needs phone signal - in which case could simply text or WhatsApp a message or photo on arrival
(b) the expected arrival time and consequent alerts probably will cause more worry due to false alarms.
I work on AIS transceiver and WhatsApp messages on departure (“towards” and rarely a fixed destination) and a photo on arrival

Alternatively remind them the classic line ending “if not duffers won’t drown”

 

[thinwater]

I was climbing/sailing/adventuring before we met, so it was part of the package. It's never been an issue. I've asked. Because return times vary, she does appreciate an ETA once in the car. Kick out the other guy?

 

[colind3782]

Life360 will track your phone if you have a signal

 

[Iliade]

Carry a Garmin InReach, SPOT, Yellowbrick, or Motorola satellite tracker. Not free but very robust relay systems in place, more so than AIS, and they allow limited two way comms. Especially good if your cruising grounds are somewhere less gifted with mobile phone infrastructure.

 

[wonkywinch]

But
(A) needs phone signal - in which case could simply text or WhatsApp a message or photo on arrival
(b) the expected arrival time and consequent alerts probably will cause more worry due to false alarms.
I work on AIS transceiver and WhatsApp messages on departure (“towards” and rarely a fixed destination) and a photo on arrival

Alternatively remind them the classic line ending “if not duffers won’t drown”

The RYA SafeTrx stores the track points on your device and will upload them even if your phone briefly connected during a passage whilst you weren't looking at it.

I find this an advantage and the alerting function is far from a false alarm, it's exactly what I'd like to happen if I was well overdue at my destination.

I send my land based watchkeeper the SafeTrx link for the voyage and also both Vesselfinder and Marinetraffic links to our boat so they can double check before getting concerned.

They are fully aware of limitations of being out of range of mobile signals and I like it as a back up with positive alerts (ie the overdue message) rather than lack of WhatsApp message etc.

 

[Daydream believer]

You could ask Daydream believer, though I imagine Mrs Dd is too busy playing golf to care about what happens to him.

She used to ring me when marine traffic online notified her of my arrival at a port. But that had to stop as it always caused a row. I like to pack everything away- sails etc plug shore power in, sort lines get my sailing gear off sit in the cabin & wind down Then I could speak to her.
She would always ring when I was on deck & had to clamber below to get the phone out of the locker. Then she would ring off as I got there. Then she would ring again when I was back on deck.
When I was ready to ring her back I was not in a receptive mood so to prevent arguement it has been agreed that I pack everything away & ring her. - Just as she is going to bed
A lot depended on the golf score & quality of my trip.

 

[KevinV]

As I get older (recently retired) my wife is getting more and more concerned about "Suppose something goes wrong. How will I know?"
I normally sail alone. My response is usually short with "You'll find out eventually one way or another." But she is deserving of a better, more informed reply.
So what do people do? Do you have any plans in place? Lack of contact etc? Something that perhaps I should be doing and keep her a little less worried.
Thoughts? Ideas?

Can she clarify what the actual cause of her concern is? That might give you a better chance of easing it, or it simply might not be possible.

For instance if she'd rather you stop sailing entirely then she'd have to accept you moping around the house all the time.
On the other hand it might just be a question of a text before departure letting her know all is well and a rough plan (text so she can refer back to it), and a chat when the boat is anchored/tied up again. Also important to manage expectations - "I'm not sure I'll have signal in Godforsaken Bay" will save stress and make any contact a bonus.

 

[Daydream believer]

Oh, I have a good lifejacket so there is a chance of finding the body if I go overboard.

Wrong move.
Tie a weight belt to yourself so you go straight to the bottom. You cannot be declared dead for 7 years, if missing. That means that if not proven dead the pension should get paid for another 7 years. Should keep the missus comfortable for a while longer.