ParaHandy
Active member
.... announced today a new and innovative scheme to help defray the substantial capital and running costs of their lifeboat service. In association with Fleetwood Kennels Ltd, the lifeboat has been replaced with a fleet of St Bernards dogs. The Treasurer confidently predicted that the running costs of the new scheme would be far below the old. Local retailers such as Tesco had introduced schemes such as ‘give a dog a bone’, ‘a dog is for (saving) life’ etc and such schemes were proving more useful than the IOUs which hithertofore had been the common currency.
The Chief Handler with tears in his eyes as he recalled the old days as Cox of a boat patted his four-legged friends and confidently asserted they were up to the job. In a deliberate slap in the face to the nannies, jobsworths and others he proudly pointed to the keg of 50% proof donated by Oddbins attached to each dog’s neck to provide refreshment for casualties. Each dog had a small ‘dog camera’ attached to its collar and the film rights “Lassie at Sea” were confidently predicted to provide further income.
At the inaugural ceremony conducted by a minor royal, Princess Anne’s invitation having been withdrawn after her bull terrier assassinated the queen’s corgis, moving reference was made to the British love of four legged animals as one lifted his leg on the Lord Mayor.
In a demonstration to illustrate the flexibility of the rescue service by taking place at low tide, the dogs scampered across Morecambe bay to attend a mock rescue. However, Guinness (each dog had been named after a famous brand of drink) who was in heat was sh*gged by Irn-Bru halfway across and the rescue was delayed. The dogs eventually got to the casualty ……
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The Chief Handler with tears in his eyes as he recalled the old days as Cox of a boat patted his four-legged friends and confidently asserted they were up to the job. In a deliberate slap in the face to the nannies, jobsworths and others he proudly pointed to the keg of 50% proof donated by Oddbins attached to each dog’s neck to provide refreshment for casualties. Each dog had a small ‘dog camera’ attached to its collar and the film rights “Lassie at Sea” were confidently predicted to provide further income.
At the inaugural ceremony conducted by a minor royal, Princess Anne’s invitation having been withdrawn after her bull terrier assassinated the queen’s corgis, moving reference was made to the British love of four legged animals as one lifted his leg on the Lord Mayor.
In a demonstration to illustrate the flexibility of the rescue service by taking place at low tide, the dogs scampered across Morecambe bay to attend a mock rescue. However, Guinness (each dog had been named after a famous brand of drink) who was in heat was sh*gged by Irn-Bru halfway across and the rescue was delayed. The dogs eventually got to the casualty ……
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