Sailor Tom
New Member
Oh, nowhere too stressful, Southampton Water / Solent area, just a bit of ducking & diving around the precautionary area
First time sailing for girlfriend - any tips / advice?
- Thread starter Sailor Tom
- Start date
Oh, nowhere too stressful, Southampton Water / Solent area, just a bit of ducking & diving around the precautionary area
Fire99
Well-Known Member
Oh, nowhere too stressful, Southampton Water / Solent area, just a bit of ducking & diving around the precautionary area
Well you can't beat a bit of ducking and diving...
Whatever you do, hope you both have a good sail.
snooks
Well-Known Member
Always ask, never tell.
On land you are equal in a relationship, on the water one of you has to be in charge, unfortunately this is where the problems can start. Being bossed around is no fun for the person being barked at, and has no place on board when sailing as a couple IMHO. You're not racing, it should be fun, relax.
If they do something wrong, it's your fault, not theirs, you didn't give them clear enough instructions, so the only person to blame is yourself. Once you understand that you'll be a lot more forgiving and a better skipper.
Before you go on the boat, see if you can find a yacht out of the water (preferably a big one) and just have a quick walk around it, point to the rudder, and explain that that steers the boat, point to the keel and explain that that keeps you upright. Explain that the boat will lean over, but it's perfectly normal, and the big bit of iron on the bottom is there to keep you upright. This should take no more than a few minutes, but it will help them to understand what is happening under the boat, it a way they can visualise and relate to.
On board, make a cuppa tea, show them the VHF, and the GPS (just in case) show them how to read the position and how to use the VHF. Just the briefest of the brief eg CH 16 , press this button, speak here and say "Mayday, mayday, can somebody help me?" explain it's like the safety briefing on a plane, they do it every time the take off, and it's one of the safest forms of travel, on a boat it's safer, but it will be handy for them to know it just in case.
Don't get bogged down with the technical expressions, call a rope a rope, red one, blue one etc. be as confident as you can be without being arrogant. When they are steering with a tiller, explain which way you want the tiller to be pushed/pulled, not the way you want the boat to go Explain what is going to happen before it happens so nothing comes as a surprise to them.
If you can't confidently handle the boat alone, pick the weather when you can. Expect to do everything yourself. As others have said get them on the helm as soon as it is safe to do so, but stay with them and get them used to how the boat turns, do a couple of circles, get them to head for something and praise them for doing well, give them confidence.
Start off slowly with short trips an hour or two at the very most to an anchorage/pub for lunch and back is enough for a first time out.
Remember the day is about them, not about you.
You know them and you know their ability better than we do, but take it easy to begin with
On land you are equal in a relationship, on the water one of you has to be in charge, unfortunately this is where the problems can start. Being bossed around is no fun for the person being barked at, and has no place on board when sailing as a couple IMHO. You're not racing, it should be fun, relax.
If they do something wrong, it's your fault, not theirs, you didn't give them clear enough instructions, so the only person to blame is yourself. Once you understand that you'll be a lot more forgiving and a better skipper.
Before you go on the boat, see if you can find a yacht out of the water (preferably a big one) and just have a quick walk around it, point to the rudder, and explain that that steers the boat, point to the keel and explain that that keeps you upright. Explain that the boat will lean over, but it's perfectly normal, and the big bit of iron on the bottom is there to keep you upright. This should take no more than a few minutes, but it will help them to understand what is happening under the boat, it a way they can visualise and relate to.
On board, make a cuppa tea, show them the VHF, and the GPS (just in case) show them how to read the position and how to use the VHF. Just the briefest of the brief eg CH 16 , press this button, speak here and say "Mayday, mayday, can somebody help me?" explain it's like the safety briefing on a plane, they do it every time the take off, and it's one of the safest forms of travel, on a boat it's safer, but it will be handy for them to know it just in case.
Don't get bogged down with the technical expressions, call a rope a rope, red one, blue one etc. be as confident as you can be without being arrogant. When they are steering with a tiller, explain which way you want the tiller to be pushed/pulled, not the way you want the boat to go
Explain what is going to happen before it happens so nothing comes as a surprise to them.If you can't confidently handle the boat alone, pick the weather when you can. Expect to do everything yourself. As others have said get them on the helm as soon as it is safe to do so, but stay with them and get them used to how the boat turns, do a couple of circles, get them to head for something and praise them for doing well, give them confidence.
Start off slowly with short trips an hour or two at the very most to an anchorage/pub for lunch and back is enough for a first time out.
Remember the day is about them, not about you.
You know them and you know their ability better than we do, but take it easy to begin with
phanakapan
Well-Known Member
Excellent advice from Searush and Snooks in particular. Can I just add, make sure in advance that the boat is as sparkly clean and smell free as you can make it especially the heads and galley, and don't even hint that it will ever be her job to keep it that way! I repeat from the above -Listen to her- answer any of her questions as they come up in non-boaty jargon but without talking down to her. If you have to give a 'brief' keep it extremely short and use positive language like 'this is how we work the toilet' instead of 'never do xyz or the world will end'. Not all women are hair/nail obsessed wimps and quite a few of us enjoy some adrenaline and adventure, but we don't like to be shouted at while we're learning. Keep the first trip short but sweet- leave her wanting more , not getting bored/cold/sick/tired.
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Searush
Well-Known Member
NO NO NO!
Stop for meals, even if you only heave to. By all means have a bag of finger food* & fruit juice or coffee/ soup in a flask in the cockpit to tide you over the passage if necessary. But anchor or moor up for your main meal so you can enjoy it.
* Finger food = pork pies, cooked chicken drumsticks, cut celery, tomatoes, choccy biccies, nutty bars, crisps, fruit, pre-prepared sarnies, goujons & dips, even cheese triangles & dry crackers; anything you fancy that will pack in a carrier bag for you to dip into & eat with one hand.
For later trips, you can go below while she steers & you hand up bacon or sausage butties & a big mug of tea, but don't try cooking during the first trip, unless as suggested, you just pop a pre-prepared meal in the oven ready for when you arrive.
SimbaDog
Well-Known Member
Buy her some marigolds so that her hands don't get dirty when she is cleaning out the heads, She will be very impressed with how thoughtful you have been
Achillesheel
Well-Known Member
Make sure she's on the helm when you switch off the engine once you've got the sails up. That moment when the boat comes alive will have her hooked!
flaming
Well-Known Member
Amazingly my gf still comes sailing with me, ocassionally, I say amazingly because of how I introduced her to it. It's basically a case study in what not to do.
When we met I was off racing almost every weekend. So I saw the RTI race as an ideal oportunity to get her into it.
However, I thought that having her on my boat was a mistake, in case I shouted or something. So I asked a friend who was also good friends with my gf to take her on their boat. All well and good.
All was going well until after the needles, and she was enjoying the "climbing from side to side and looking at the boats". We were ahead of pretty much the whole fleet at the needles, and set off to st kats, with our small kite hoisted - under more control than most of the fleet. In fact we never broached or anything.
By contrast the boat I put my gf on was a J105. And with 20+ knots of breeze and their big kite hoisted they came past us alternating between doing 18 knots and having a massive crash. All with one terrorfied looking gf clung to the guardrails....
Pretty much the only positive she took from it was that they beat us...
When we met I was off racing almost every weekend. So I saw the RTI race as an ideal oportunity to get her into it.
However, I thought that having her on my boat was a mistake, in case I shouted or something. So I asked a friend who was also good friends with my gf to take her on their boat. All well and good.
All was going well until after the needles, and she was enjoying the "climbing from side to side and looking at the boats". We were ahead of pretty much the whole fleet at the needles, and set off to st kats, with our small kite hoisted - under more control than most of the fleet. In fact we never broached or anything.
By contrast the boat I put my gf on was a J105. And with 20+ knots of breeze and their big kite hoisted they came past us alternating between doing 18 knots and having a massive crash. All with one terrorfied looking gf clung to the guardrails....
Pretty much the only positive she took from it was that they beat us...
Malish
Well-Known Member
Carefully, tactfully and confidently explain how the heads works. Try and avoid making her think that she'll risk blocking it by putting so much as one sheet of loo paper down it; otherwise the poor thing will probably try and last out the day without using it and remember the day for the 100m sprint to the bog when back ashore.
PlanB
Well-Known Member
I'd suggest giving her Stugeron before you set off. Explain it's not because it's going to be rough, but because someone you know (me) always takes it just in case. Unexpected seasickness can spoil things big-time.
Sans Bateau
Well-Known Member
stuartwineberg
Well-Known Member
Another vote for "asking"
Coaching is always better than directing. If you ask questions (and then listen), the answers you get will tell you about the concerns that matter to her. These are more important than the ones in your head!
I would recommend going somewhere if you are in that kind of sailing environment rather than just going for a sail. That way you have the angle covered if she is the kind of person that likes a journey to a place rather than just bobbing up and down on the water.
I agree about treating it as if you are single handed, that way youhave no expectations. If she is keen to help, then don't rush to get the boat off the jettty. The tricky bit at the other end will be tying up the ropes so ideally get an understanding of how to put a rope on a cleat while the boat is still fastened to terra firma - if she can help get a dockline on when you return, however ham fistedly so you can get ashore and tidy up then that's a big plus.
Coaching is always better than directing. If you ask questions (and then listen), the answers you get will tell you about the concerns that matter to her. These are more important than the ones in your head!
I would recommend going somewhere if you are in that kind of sailing environment rather than just going for a sail. That way you have the angle covered if she is the kind of person that likes a journey to a place rather than just bobbing up and down on the water.
I agree about treating it as if you are single handed, that way youhave no expectations. If she is keen to help, then don't rush to get the boat off the jettty. The tricky bit at the other end will be tying up the ropes so ideally get an understanding of how to put a rope on a cleat while the boat is still fastened to terra firma - if she can help get a dockline on when you return, however ham fistedly so you can get ashore and tidy up then that's a big plus.
Csail
N/A
Hi All,
I'm just about to take my girlfriend for her first ever sailing trip, and I'm really keen for her to enjoy it as much as possible & be bitten by the bug
Any other tips or suggestions?
Make her take sea sick tablet, a few beers and nice flat day and explain bits like how heads work. If all goes well take contraceptives!!! if not you won't have a boat!!
KINGFISHER 9
Well-Known Member
Always ask, never tell.
On land you are equal in a relationship, on the water one of you has to be in charge, unfortunately this is where the problems can start. Being bossed around is no fun for the person being barked at, and has no place on board when sailing as a couple IMHO. You're not racing, it should be fun, relax.
If they do something wrong, it's your fault, not theirs, you didn't give them clear enough instructions, so the only person to blame is yourself. Once you understand that you'll be a lot more forgiving and a better skipper.
Before you go on the boat, see if you can find a yacht out of the water (preferably a big one) and just have a quick walk around it, point to the rudder, and explain that that steers the boat, point to the keel and explain that that keeps you upright. Explain that the boat will lean over, but it's perfectly normal, and the big bit of iron on the bottom is there to keep you upright. This should take no more than a few minutes, but it will help them to understand what is happening under the boat, it a way they can visualise and relate to.
On board, make a cuppa tea, show them the VHF, and the GPS (just in case) show them how to read the position and how to use the VHF. Just the briefest of the brief eg CH 16 , press this button, speak here and say "Mayday, mayday, can somebody help me?" explain it's like the safety briefing on a plane, they do it every time the take off, and it's one of the safest forms of travel, on a boat it's safer, but it will be handy for them to know it just in case.
Don't get bogged down with the technical expressions, call a rope a rope, red one, blue one etc. be as confident as you can be without being arrogant. When they are steering with a tiller, explain which way you want the tiller to be pushed/pulled, not the way you want the boat to go
If you can't confidently handle the boat alone, pick the weather when you can. Expect to do everything yourself. As others have said get them on the helm as soon as it is safe to do so, but stay with them and get them used to how the boat turns, do a couple of circles, get them to head for something and praise them for doing well, give them confidence.
Start off slowly with short trips an hour or two at the very most to an anchorage/pub for lunch and back is enough for a first time out.
Remember the day is about them, not about you.
You know them and you know their ability better than we do, but take it easy to begin with
-------------------------------------------------------------
That's the most sensible advice I think I've ever read about introducing someone new to the sport ........... get it into one of the mags.
I'd have simply said ... "Any nonsense ... give 'er a good thrashing!"
nimbusgb
Well-Known Member
Another vote for Snooks' advice.
I took a young lady sailing as a first date. Inland water, about 2 hours sailing to a bay where we rigged up a beach BBQ, a nice bottle of wine and some good food then a casual potter about in the afternoon teaching her more about the boat and sailing. ( For you foul minded lot thats ALL that happened )
That was 29 years ago and she's my wife!
Now no pressure you understand but we'd like HER feedback on the trip .....
aluijten
Well-Known Member
I've seen a number of threads with a similar question. I wonder if we will ever see the opposite question asked by a female: ' How do I get my boyfriend/husband to sail with me?'
Is sailing such male-only thing?
Is sailing such male-only thing?
Victoria Sponge
Well-Known Member
No.
prv
Well-Known Member
Well, of my parents my mum is the keen sailor. Dad goes along, but mostly to sit at the chart table drinking beer and reading the paper
Pete
shaunksb
Well-Known Member
I've got into the habit of heaving to for lunch if we are just out for a day sail.
Much more relaxing
.
Sequoiah1
Well-Known Member
Don't shout at her or get exasperated if she doesn't quite do what you want in a 'pressure' situation (entering or leaving berth etc)... and do not get distracted and forget about the navigation
OOH ERR!!!!!!!!!!!