AlanPound
Member
Re: No 73
...hmmm
...Its obviously all down to how you tell'em...
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...hmmm
...Its obviously all down to how you tell'em...
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Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face
- Thread starter Badger
- Start date
jhr
Well-known member
Number 46
A man is visiting an order of Trappist Monks (the ones that have taken vows of silence). After being shown round the monastery, he is taken into the library, where the monks have all retired for a spot of relaxation after the rigours of the day. As he walks in, he is suprised to see one of the monks stand up, write a number on a piece of card and show it to his colleagues, who promptly fall about laughing.
Intrigued, he asks the Abbott what is going on. The Abott explains that, although the monks are only allowed to talk to each other occasionally, they have built up a fund of jokes over the years. They now know them all so well that they have allocated numbers to each one, as a form of shorthand so that, when a number is quoted, they all remember the joke and laugh at it.
The visitor is impressed by this, and asks the Abbott if he can have a go, to which the Abbot replies "of course". After thinking about it for a moment, the guy writes the number "46" on a card and holds it up. The monks absolutely wet themselves, to the extent that the guy wonders which joke it was he told them. Accordingly, he asks the Abbott why they all think it's so funny.
The Abbott replies:
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"They hadn't heard that one before"...............
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A man is visiting an order of Trappist Monks (the ones that have taken vows of silence). After being shown round the monastery, he is taken into the library, where the monks have all retired for a spot of relaxation after the rigours of the day. As he walks in, he is suprised to see one of the monks stand up, write a number on a piece of card and show it to his colleagues, who promptly fall about laughing.
Intrigued, he asks the Abbott what is going on. The Abott explains that, although the monks are only allowed to talk to each other occasionally, they have built up a fund of jokes over the years. They now know them all so well that they have allocated numbers to each one, as a form of shorthand so that, when a number is quoted, they all remember the joke and laugh at it.
The visitor is impressed by this, and asks the Abbott if he can have a go, to which the Abbot replies "of course". After thinking about it for a moment, the guy writes the number "46" on a card and holds it up. The monks absolutely wet themselves, to the extent that the guy wonders which joke it was he told them. Accordingly, he asks the Abbott why they all think it's so funny.
The Abbott replies:
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"They hadn't heard that one before"...............
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Rabbie
New member
Burns/Library
A man walks into the library and at the enquiry desk says "Robert Burns, the Complete works"
The librarian looks up and says "I am sorry Mr Burns, the Massage Parlour is back outside and the next door to this"
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A man walks into the library and at the enquiry desk says "Robert Burns, the Complete works"
The librarian looks up and says "I am sorry Mr Burns, the Massage Parlour is back outside and the next door to this"
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Rabbie
New member
Auld Lang Syne
I know a man called Mr Lang
And he has a neon sign
Now Mr Lang is very old
So I call it old Lang's sign
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I know a man called Mr Lang
And he has a neon sign
Now Mr Lang is very old
So I call it old Lang's sign
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Badger
Member
Re: Fair fa\' your honest, sonsie face
Rabbie Burns was born in Ayr
And noo he stands in Geordie Square
And if you want to see him there
Take the bus and pay your fare.
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Rabbie Burns was born in Ayr
And noo he stands in Geordie Square
And if you want to see him there
Take the bus and pay your fare.
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Ohdrat
New member
Re: Fair fa\' your honest, sonsie face
No Haggis farms.. it's wild.. you have a choice left or right hoofed haggis.. the left hoofed run round hills clockwise and the right hoofed run round hills anti-clockwise..Right hoofed Haggis are not as popular as they will have been running round widershines so are prone to evil spirits and our equivalent of DEFRA are considering legislating that they are in fact un fit for consumption due to the evil spirits which my jump species from Haggis to Humans with Highlanders acting as a bridging species.. it is unknown what effect Haggis evil spirits would have on Humans or even Highlanders.. there is a theory that it may well be similar to green whisky.. I believe there is some research being carried out regarding the the spirits in green whisky to determine whether they are evil or benign
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No Haggis farms.. it's wild.. you have a choice left or right hoofed haggis.. the left hoofed run round hills clockwise and the right hoofed run round hills anti-clockwise..Right hoofed Haggis are not as popular as they will have been running round widershines so are prone to evil spirits and our equivalent of DEFRA are considering legislating that they are in fact un fit for consumption due to the evil spirits which my jump species from Haggis to Humans with Highlanders acting as a bridging species.. it is unknown what effect Haggis evil spirits would have on Humans or even Highlanders.. there is a theory that it may well be similar to green whisky.. I believe there is some research being carried out regarding the the spirits in green whisky to determine whether they are evil or benign
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Badger
Member
Right hoofed Haggis
How can I tell if the Haggis I have bought for Burns night is Right or Left hoofed ?Are the legs on one side shorter or what ? Please help.
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How can I tell if the Haggis I have bought for Burns night is Right or Left hoofed ?Are the legs on one side shorter or what ? Please help.
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Twister_Ken
Well-known member
Re: Right hoofed Haggis
Bought?
No, you're supposed to catch your own. It's fairly easy, although it does require at least two of you. The uphill one (the turner) confronts the haggis as it races around the hill, making it turn around and flee in the other direction. This puts the short legs on the quarry's down hill side causing it to overbalance and roll down the hill at which point the downhill one of you (the catcher) grabs the wee beastie, and drugs it with Scotch (a blend will do) before it is despatched to the sound of bagpipes (to hide its screams).
It helps if the turner can hide himself behind natural cover, like a sheep, so that the haggis, which is blessed with keen eyesight, doesn't espy you from afar. This is where Scots, Welsh, Kiwi or Aussie turners come into their own because they are genetically used to being behind sheep. Also, the chances of success are greatly increased if the catcher has been trained as a rugby fullback or wing forward. Not a Scottish or Australian fullback or wing forward, obviously.
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>
Bought?
No, you're supposed to catch your own. It's fairly easy, although it does require at least two of you. The uphill one (the turner) confronts the haggis as it races around the hill, making it turn around and flee in the other direction. This puts the short legs on the quarry's down hill side causing it to overbalance and roll down the hill at which point the downhill one of you (the catcher) grabs the wee beastie, and drugs it with Scotch (a blend will do) before it is despatched to the sound of bagpipes (to hide its screams).
It helps if the turner can hide himself behind natural cover, like a sheep, so that the haggis, which is blessed with keen eyesight, doesn't espy you from afar. This is where Scots, Welsh, Kiwi or Aussie turners come into their own because they are genetically used to being behind sheep. Also, the chances of success are greatly increased if the catcher has been trained as a rugby fullback or wing forward. Not a Scottish or Australian fullback or wing forward, obviously.
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>
Magic_Sailor
New member
Let\'s face it!
Most 'butters have ot all those!
No sweat! ......(see!)
Magic
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://hometown.aol.co.uk/geoffwestgarth/myhomepage/travelwriting.html>Click for website!</A>
Most 'butters have ot all those!
No sweat! ......(see!)
Magic
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://hometown.aol.co.uk/geoffwestgarth/myhomepage/travelwriting.html>Click for website!</A>
Ohdrat
New member
Re: Right hoofed Haggis
The only way to tell if you have a right or left hoofed haggis is by drinking a lot of green whisky with the haggis.. if the whisky "disagrees" with the haggis you have a left hoofed haggis.. if you grow horns then you have just eaten a right hoofed haggis.. the legs are shorter on the uphill side..
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The only way to tell if you have a right or left hoofed haggis is by drinking a lot of green whisky with the haggis.. if the whisky "disagrees" with the haggis you have a left hoofed haggis.. if you grow horns then you have just eaten a right hoofed haggis.. the legs are shorter on the uphill side..
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Ohdrat
New member
Re: Re Oxymoron
these are very shaggy and quite tough to eat.. there are several species the Pacific is generally better tempered than the Atlantic.
However are both decendants of the Oxymastadon which is now extinct..
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these are very shaggy and quite tough to eat.. there are several species the Pacific is generally better tempered than the Atlantic.
However are both decendants of the Oxymastadon which is now extinct..
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