EARLY FRIDAY HUMOUR

[paulrossall]

Hung Chow call his boss and says "Hey Boss, I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I not come work".
Boss says " You know Hung Chow I really need you today. When I feel bad I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and then I can go to work. You should try it".

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon.
You got nice house".

 

[castaway]

Paul

Good one that, got the office laughing this morning so tucked it in with the flight briefings of our first Zurich departure, just to cheer them up . Who says the Swiss dont have a sense of humour? I think they were still laughing when they arrived home.

Nick

 

[romany123]

I liked this one to
A man takes a day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit. 9 Iron"
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
"Ribbit. 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, he puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 Iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog,
"Wow, that is amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit,Lucky Frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog", the man asked. "Ribbit. 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asked the frog.....
"Okay, where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit, Las Vegas."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
"okay frog, now what?"
the frog says "Ribbit, Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,
"What do you think I should bet?"
the frog replies,"Ribbit, $3000, black 6"
Now , this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash slides back across the table and into his pockets. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says,
"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."
He figures why not, since after all the frog was a lucky charm so why not kiss the frog. With a kiss
the frog turns into a gorgeous 15 year old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

Dave



Dave

 

[graham]

A man in a pub is ordering drinks when he stops in mid sentence and starts talking into his thumb.

Barman asks him what he is doing and he replies,"its the latest in mobiles,you get a chip implanted into your thumb then you dont need a phone at all."

A little while later the barman sees him in the toilet standing there with his pants around his ankles and a yard of toilet paper hanging out of his bum.

"What do you think your doing ?"asks the barman.

"Hang on mate I have got a fax coming in."replies the man.