Divorce Safety Question

dom said:
I don't think notions of wrong and right (in the sense of responsibility for the breakup) feature in decisions of the Family Court, save to the extent that they have a bearing on the child(rens) future welfare.
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They do ...... because the veracity and sense of parental responsibility of the parents will, inevitably, have a bearing on the childrens future welfare. :)

Particularly in the hypothetical situation under discussion.

Richard
 
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JumbleDuck said:
Perhaps, but have you any evidence to support the claim that someone who had an affair is less likely to get PR?
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It's common knowledge that it's very difficult for the Father to get custody even in a "no fault" case, and in a paternal fault case, it's almost impossible unless the Mother agrees to it. There are plenty of posts above and you posted the raw statistics earlier . :confused:

With all the couples I have known who have been divorced in these circumstances, the Mother is untouchable.

Richard
 
RichardS said:
It's common knowledge that it's very difficult for the Father to get custody even in a "no fault" case, and in a paternal fault case, it's almost impossible unless the Mother agrees to it.
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"Common knowledge" is worthless. Actual evidence is the only thing that counts. "Very difficult" for the father to get custody? Well, if you mean residency, the father gets full or joint residency 40% of the time. That doesn't sound like "very difficult" to me.
 
JumbleDuck said:
"Common knowledge" is worthless. Actual evidence is the only thing that counts. "Very difficult" for the father to get custody? Well, if you mean residency, the father gets full or joint residency 40% of the time. That doesn't sound like "very difficult" to me.
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For Christ's sake .... 50% sole residency with the mother, 20% full residency with the father and 20% joint residency .... are YOUR figures. Have you actually read them? :confused:

I'm giving up with this thread as I'm sure you can't be serious unless you're living on another planet? Hopefully "common knowledge" has it that this other planet is spherical ..... or perhaps that's worthless. ;)

Richard
 
My own solicitor told me in our first meeting "don't try for custody, you won't get it" despite my ex wife being a lying cheating adulterer!
 
RichardS said:
For Christ's sake .... 50% sole residency with the mother, 20% full residency with the father and 20% joint residency .... are YOUR figures. Have you actually read them?
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Yes, and I am not sure why you find them confusing. The mother gets full or joint residency 70% of the time and the father gets full or joint residency 40% of the time. That does not seem, to me to support a claim that it is "very difficult" for a father to get residency. How difficult it is depends, of course, on how many fathers actually ask for it; I suspect a lower proportion do than mothers, but I won't try to present my suspicion as "common knowledge".
 
JD is pretty close - it always depends on the circumstances, and to a certain extent the age of the children. One local guy I know brought up his kids entirely alone - their mother had alcohol problems.

I (eventually) achieved alternate weekends and every Wednesday overnight during term, and half the holidays, which was supported by the CAFCASS officer. I think it calculates out at about 30% over the year.

There is huge ignorance in the general culture about modern family law. Sadly, it is only those who go through it who find out how it really works.

One organisation that is very good indeed is Families Needs Fathers (not the Fathers for Justice cretins), who do a tremendous amount to enable many thousands of children to have meaningful relationships with their fathers. 'Shared Parenting' is what its all about: https://fnf.org.uk/

Then there are the tossers, rich and poor, who fight through the courts to increase their contact only in order to get away with paying the ex-wife less child maintenance.
 
PS:

Terms like "custody" are utterly meaningless in the modern family law system.

The notions to get your head around are:

- parental responsibility (who has it by default)
- contact (how much, when, what conditions)
- residency (single or shared)

the last of which sounds like 'custody' but isn't, and is the least important of the three.

Look them up for yourselves.
 
Was it best to air this dirty linen on this forum? If per chance ex cottons on then another silver bullet presented on a silver platter.
 
They are your children, and you are responsible for their safety and well being when they are with you. Your ex has no rights to make these demands. She is operating outside of her authority. The trouble as I see it though is she is using this as a way of getting back at you. If it is not this, it will be something else. Even if you cave in to her demands, and personally I would tell her where to go, she will have something else up her sleeve next. Unfortunately, she appears to have it in for you. Hell hath no fury and all that.
 
robmurray said:
Thanks all for your comments.
No matter how many times I encouraged her to do her Day Skipper, she never got round to it. It is only an issue now she is jilted and new crew on the scene!
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Well, it sounds like you've answered your own question. You seem to have thought that this was a good idea previously, so it's hard to argue that it's an unreasonable suggestion now that she is making it, whatever you suspect of her motivations. If your newbie is indeed capable, she will sail (:rolleyes:) through Day Skipper. It may also allow you to confirm for yourself that she is as capable as she makes out - I'd want to with kids that age. As others have said, if she was really being awkward I bet you could persuade a judge that yachtmaster was a minimum.

In fact this has made me more determined to get my wife up to speed, since I do have kids that age. Thanks!
 
robmurray said:
Am I being unreasonable? If not are there any useful sources of information that I could use to bolster my case?
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You are being totally unreasonable. I would never leave children of that age onboard without other qualified adults are onboard. Why upset your ex-wife, you should be more than happy to protect your children.
 
Hi all
Many thanks to all of you for your advice. In particular, pointing me in the direction of MGN280 was brilliant.
So this actually went to court on Wednesday and great news - the magistrate supported me immediately. He argued that I was clearly a loving father and a very experienced sailor. He pointed out that there is no legislation and said that he was very happy to trust me to make the right decisions regarding safety.
New crew will, in due course do her DS, but, as one of you pointed out, this was indeed all about control. Who knows what other challenges will arise.
Now I need to make sure I keep the actual boat...
Thank again
Rob
 
robmurray said:
Hi all
Many thanks to all of you for your advice. In particular, pointing me in the direction of MGN280 was brilliant.
So this actually went to court on Wednesday and great news - the magistrate supported me immediately. He argued that I was clearly a loving father and a very experienced sailor. He pointed out that there is no legislation and said that he was very happy to trust me to make the right decisions regarding safety.
New crew will, in due course do her DS, but, as one of you pointed out, this was indeed all about control. Who knows what other challenges will arise.
Now I need to make sure I keep the actual boat...
Thank again
Rob
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Delighted to hear that for both you and your children.
 
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