Divorce Safety Question

[NormanB]

The OP said "Unfortunately I have had to divorce my crew / wife ..,.. are there any useful sources of information that I could use to bolster my case?"

If that doesn't sound like a legal matter, I don't know what does.

Richard

Of course divorce is a legal matter - but he was not asking if he should get divorced or not. He was only asking if the ex's demand for an additional crew member to have a DS qual could be viewed as excessive.

So what help has he received in terms of sources of info to 'bolster his case'?

In the main he has been judged in absentia

 

[RichardS]

Of course divorce is a legal matter - but he was not asking if he should get divorced or not. He was only asking if the ex's demand for an additional crew member to have a DS qual could be viewed as excessive.

So what help has he received in terms of sources of info to 'bolster his case'?

In the main he has been judged in absentia

He asking for useful sources of information to bolster his case in the context of his divorce ...... and many posters believe that a useful source of information would be a lawyer. That has not been my advice but I think it is a very valid response to his request.

Who has judged him?

Richard

 

[GrahamD]

I am arguing that this is totally un-necessary and will effectively stop me from sailing with my daughters (who love it) because I will have to pay for a second skipper to be on board every weekend and holiday.

Am I being unreasonable? If not are there any useful sources of information that I could use to bolster my case?

Many thanks![/QUOTE]

The OP asked whether he was unreasonable to think that a qualified second adult on the boat was unnecessary. I think most contributors felt that having a second competent adult on a boat of this size when there are two young children aboard is probably good practice. Hence the lack of useful sources of information he could use to bolster his case.

 

[NormanB]

I am arguing that this is totally un-necessary and will effectively stop me from sailing with my daughters (who love it) because I will have to pay for a second skipper to be on board every weekend and holiday.

Am I being unreasonable? If not are there any useful sources of information that I could use to bolster my case?

Many thanks!

The OP asked whether he was unreasonable to think that a qualified second adult on the boat was unnecessary. I think most contributors felt that having a second competent adult on a boat of this size when there are two young children aboard is probably good practice. Hence the lack of useful sources of information he could use to bolster his case.

Absolutely agreed.

 

[Lon nan Gruagach]

Of course divorce is a legal matter - but he was not asking if he should get divorced or not. He was only asking if the ex's demand for an additional crew member to have a DS qual could be viewed as excessive.

So what help has he received in terms of sources of info to 'bolster his case'?

In the main he has been judged in absentia

MCA MGN280 annex 3 as I suggested earlier must be a pretty good benchmark, dont you think?

 

[Heckler]

http://www.rya.org.uk/courses-training/courses/specialist/Pages/sea-survival.aspx

Bluddy hell, where have you been?
Stu

 

[anoccasionalyachtsman]

This "no fault" thing is a myth .... that's just not how it happens in real life. In the hypothetical case under consideration, in real life the Court would have to decide who is likely to provide the best care and welfare for the young children ..... the philandering, cheating, lying Father or the innocent, caring, aggrieved Mother.

Whatever the Father says is going to be viewed through the lens of his disreputable behaviour and vice-versa for Mother's claims.

I'm not being judgemental .... that's just the way it is. JD's stats in his post #54 reflect the reality.

Richard

I think that the OP is long gone, but I couldn't leave this point unchallenged.

I've only been divorced once, so I'm certainly no expert. It wasn't acrimonious, but the ex's solicitor certainly tried to stir it up. No myths were involved, 50/50 residency was agreed and the court was perfectly happy with that.

 

[NormanB]

MCA MGN280 annex 3 as I suggested earlier must be a pretty good benchmark, dont you think?

Yes a very good benchmark if he intends to carry his children as fare paying passengers. Otherwise not at all relevant.

 

[JumbleDuck]

http://www.rya.org.uk/courses-training/courses/specialist/Pages/sea-survival.aspx

Thanks. I got the impression that reference was being made to a s Sea Safety course for young children, which is not quite the same thing.

 

[john_morris_uk]

Rob, one day your girls will wish to invite a playmate - And then you become responsible for someone else's child. It's another level.

Although I am a lifetime unqualified apart from vhf, my instinct is for you to comply with Madam's request.

It should be possible to get new partner qualified for this season if she has the will.

She will need:
5 days sailing
100M passage
4 hours nightwatch
+ vhf (I think)

There should be opportunities for that experience here. eg. I am sailing Plymouth - Milford Haven sometime in April.

Good luck.

The requirements listed are those for a course at a recognised sea school. They're reasonably easy to achieve in a week when one us running a course at a school but I'm not sure how offering a passage to Milford Haven in a private boat helps?

If the OP wants DS for his new partner in the med with his children then pm me for some contacts?

 

[snooks]

This "no fault" thing is a myth .... that's just not how it happens in real life.

Really? Let's switch things around...

In the hypothetical case under consideration, in real life the Court would have to decide who is likely to provide the best care and welfare for the young children ..... the philandering, cheating, lying mother or the innocent, caring, aggrieved Father.

Whatever the Mother says is going to be viewed through the lens of her disreputable behaviour and vice-versa for Father's claims.

Sadly that's not the case as the majority of the child/children's time will always be awarded to the mother. The mother will still win the courts favour, unless they are abusive, no matter how good or involved the father is. More so if young children are involved.

 

[grumpy_o_g]

The one thing that hasn't been asked is how the new partner feels about this. Does she feel capable of taking control of the boat with the kids onboard if he is disabled for any reason? Is she even comfortable about being in control of the kids whilst their Dad is managing the boat? I do hope for all concerned that everything works out as OK as it can in the end though, for all parties, not just the children.

It's an interesting question as to whether children that age justify a second competent boat handler onboard. I think it depends on the children to an extent. Of my experience with children in that age group they vary from ones who could probably take over as skipper and recover the MoB to ones who pretty much rebel against everything and just don't recognise danger at all.

 

[oldgit]

Suspect that 99.99 % of responders to this are "chaps" and no matter how much you are in touch with your inner female will comment accordingly.
Without wishing to comment on the capabilities and qualities of the new young lady in the posters life, the reactions of a mother to any perceived or real thread to her children will be entirely different to an unrelated female.
The worry and concern about having to pass the safety of offspring to a totally unknown quantity may well be the reason for this request,even if it is delibrately interpreted as other wise by a few ?

 

[RichardS]

Really? Let's switch things around...

In the hypothetical case under consideration, in real life the Court would have to decide who is likely to provide the best care and welfare for the young children ..... the philandering, cheating, lying mother or the innocent, caring, aggrieved Father.

Whatever the Mother says is going to be viewed through the lens of her disreputable behaviour and vice-versa for Father's claims.

Sadly that's not the case as the majority of the child/children's time will always be awarded to the mother. The mother will still win the courts favour, unless they are abusive, no matter how good or involved the father is. More so if young children are involved.

I'm afraid you're missing the point Snooks.

I'm talking about a hypothetical case where the Father is in the "wrong" and the Mother is in the "right". In that case it's an absolute slam-dunk that the Mother holds all the aces, and then some.

I agree that if the Mother is in the "wrong" then it's much more complicated and the result will be highly dependent upon the particular circumstances of the case. You are absolutely right that the majority of the children's time is very likely to still be awarded to the Mother for the reasons you suggest. However, she no longer holds all the aces .... perhaps only 2 or 3 of them.

Richard

 

[chrishelen]

I can see where your ex is coming from regarding safety and her kids at sea, but in my experience (divorced 3 kids. Grown up now) it's just a controlling thing on her part....if it's not about sailing it will be about where you take them on weekends, especially if you have your new partner in tow. Good luck, it is hard but things will settle down.

 

[EdWingfield]

Has anyone thought of whether the father (OP) may take the children out single-handed?

It might be worth enquiring if ex objects to that.

 

[dom]

I'm talking about a hypothetical case where the Father is in the "wrong" and the Mother is in the "right". In that case it's an absolute slam-dunk that the Mother holds all the aces, and then some.

I agree that if the Mother is in the "wrong" then it's much more complicated and the result will be highly dependent upon the particular circumstances of the case.
Richard

I don't think notions of wrong and right (in the sense of responsibility for the breakup) feature in decisions of the Family Court, save to the extent that they have a bearing on the child(rens) future welfare.

 

[EdWingfield]

The requirements listed are those for a course at a recognised sea school. They're reasonably easy to achieve in a week when one us running a course at a school but I'm not sure how offering a passage to Milford Haven in a private boat helps?

Just a week ago someone asked me if he could come along on a cross Channel. He said he needed Miles.

 

[JumbleDuck]

Sadly that's not the case as the majority of the child/children's time will always be awarded to the mother.

True, but that's because in most cases it's the mother who already does most of the child care, and the courts are keen to reduce the disruption to children as far as possible. In 40% of cases the father gets sole (ie all the time) or shared (exactly 50:50) residency.

 

[JumbleDuck]

I don't think notions of wrong and right (in the sense of responsibility for the breakup) feature in decisions of the Family Court, save to the extent that they have a bearing on the child(rens) future welfare.

They don't.