Comms dilema

Lakesailor

Lakesailor

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Until recently I have been self-employed and therefore not an executive. However I have decided to make myself Chief Executive Officer of Stockghyll Cottage and will now be an executive.
This will apparently mean that I will need some communications gear, preferably handheld.
Does anyone know of anything suitable for an executive?
Does any forumite have a special knowledge that could help me?
I have heard of a device called a blueberry or bramble or somesuch thing. Could this be suitable for keeping me in touch with my empire?
 
Well it really depends on how far you intend to travel. A blackberry is good for northern waters. it may work in france, maybe even guernsey, with a bit of planning. I'd suggest an apple as long as you use orange as the service provider. I am worried though whether you are actually senior enough to make such an important decision re capital expenditure. Have you considered setting up some kind of committee to evaluate alternatives? What about the health and safety considerations? You need to cherry pick the right solution using leverage to spot the low hanging fruit. I'll happily give you the heads up if you're not quite up to it, being a very senior executive myself.
 
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This will apparently mean that I will need some communications gear, preferably handheld

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I would suggest two semaphore flags. No batteries required. For really high tech a mirror for morse code also gives a secure (in this day and age) method of sending secure (except from some forum members) messages. Using your fingers you will also have a calculator. In addition the use of a ball point and one hand will provide a note taking capability.
 
Not being a fan of all this new fangled gadgetry I would adopt a KISS aproach and purchase a reporters notebook and pen. Noted can be removed from the pad, carefully folded into a paper aeroplane and promptly dispatched to any of the 4 corners of your empire.
 
I'm afraid that aeroplanes would make me feel less of an executive and more of an office worker. Being close to Low Ludderburn the semaphore idea has legs. (Signalling to Mars).
My seniority is without question, and anyway a lease/purchase would hide the captial damage from the Vice president.
I still feel there must be someone with some in-depth knowledge of the damson device.
 
Blackberries are found as far south as the Mediterrannean. Beyond that, citrus fruit are more reliable until you reach the tropical zone where you might want to consider a banana.

As to a suitable handheld communication device, a loudhailer is traditional, as is a semaphore flag or a heliograph. Of these only a loudhailer is recommended for a 24/7 business. If you're prepared to carry two devices a heliograph combined with a signalling lamp would give you 24 hour coverage and you would only need to learn one communications protocol, morse. In the event that the sun goes in, the signalling lamp would provide back-up daylight comms, unless the sun has only gone in very slightly. At this point you could revert to your loft of carrier pigeons, or alternatively send a telegram.

Ah, I've just realised you want to keep in touch with the empire. In that case only a heliograph will be neccessary, as the sun never sets on the empire. Of course, sensible comms management means that you should still have a recovery strategy. Keeping a bearer and a cleft stick on hot standby should suffice.
 
If you had asked this yesterday I might have offered some advice,however with your elevation,I no longer feel able to utter any words.
Exit stage left tugging forelock.
 
Having landed such a plum job you are clearly wise to want avoid the banana skins that litter the currant communications market. I would advise strongly, though, that you avoid fruit. It is far too seasonal and liable to go off without warning in the wrong conditions. The influx of cheap Chinese alternatives has done nothing to improve the situation and you are likely to end up in a jam.
 
From my location in the rhubarb belt (Wakefield), I heartily recommend a Damson for someone in your neck of the woods. Support your local fruit (and veg.).

Avoid Orange at all costs, all the profit is going to France.
 
SWMBO also likes the local name for damsons -- witherslacks (there is a village of the name nearby)

Orange also has crap coverage (oops, too technical)
 
Re: Comms dilemma

ooh, a friend of mine worked in the rather special school at Witherslack.

Had a few good pi$$ ups in the pub there. Strange little village in fact!
 
That would be David Richardson. We get our breakfast sausages from him. Not sure about the Wabberthwaite sausage. Does ring a bell though.
Incidently he has his lovely old Windermere Class boat for sale at the moment.. (this is not his, but they all look the same)

17ftclass01.jpg
 
Re: Comms dilemma

Ah, the school for naughty boys!

They also have a wonderful art group who are having thier exhibition this week. I mean really wonderful. We went to the opening on Friday.
 
Ooooh! I've never met an 'executive' before, then two come along at once. I thought it was an adjective as in-

executive home (estate house post 1970)
~ car (skoda with leather seats)
~ toy (item on junior manager's desk to play with when bored)
~ stress (distress caused by losing out at office politics)
 
Morse Schmorse

Morse is overdue for a come back. All it needs is a nice GUI and you've got a perfectly fine alphanumeric language.

Have you ever tried using a signal lamp to send binary? Daft. But that's precisely what all today's legacy systems do, using a language protocol first used 70 years ago because the valves weren't capable of TX and RX of more sophisticated languages.

If you want to be seen to be really go-ahead, re-invent morse, but package it behind a sexy front end – no Doris, not yours.
 
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