Christmas Story - and nothing to do with boats

[philip_stevens]

Long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip . . . but there were problems everywhere.
Five of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones; so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More Stress!
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

Totally frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.
When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, "Where would you like me to put this tree, fat man?"

And that, my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.



regards,
Philip

 

[Rabbie]

So what - Its Christmas!

Santa was rushing around as usual on Christmas Eve, trying to deliver all the presents in time when, suddenly, the sleigh began to slow down rapidly, 'Sorry Santa', said Rudolph, 'Think I'm going down with the 'flu'. By the time Santa managed to land the sleigh, all the other reindeers were coughing and sneezing and obviously in no fit state to fly around all night. Fortunately, Santa had managed to land in Northern Canada near an Eskimo trading post. He rushed in and asked for help. 'Sure Santa' said one Eskimo, 'If you give me a few minutes to unload my skidoo, you are welcome to use it'. Thanking him profusely, Santa had a quick cup of coffee, saw to his reindeers, rushed out and coupled the sleigh up to the skidoo. He turned the starter and nothing happened. He tried it several times - not a cough. Frantic that his delivery time was getting really short, he dashed back to the store where he told the skidoo owner of the problem. 'Oh that!', said the Eskimo, 'Sorry Santa, batteries are not included!'.

 

[BarryH]

Oooooh...Got the rough end of that one!