Christmas is coming - 2

[janeK]

Now that the supermarkets have shelves heavily laden with Christmas fare in October - will it be July next year?
Do you have any tips on preventing a stress free time of it all, do you go away - wish you were somewhere else if so - where

The Christmas Tree Myth

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs.Clause told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the whisky and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cursed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree

<hr width=100% size=1>If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

 

[bruce]

only about 66 more shopping days till Christmas...

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[sailorman]

dont squander your cash on others this Christmas,
go & spend it all on a really good prezzy for yourself

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[mirabriani]

Nice one JaneK

Dearheart has decreed that this Christmas the value of the presents
normally distributed to the nine grandchildren would be given to charity.

You should hear the chorus of disaproval from the spoilt brats!
Just to compound their agony I suggested that they choose the charity.
I'll keep you posted!

Regards Briani

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[mirabriani]

Nice one JaneK

Dearheart has decreed that this Christmas the value of the presents
normally distributed to the nine grandchildren would be given to charity.

You should hear the chorus of disaproval from the spoilt brats!
Just to compound their agony I suggested that they choose the charity.
I'll keep you posted!

Regards Briani

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[janeK]

What an excellent idea to ask the children to chose and to give to charity!

What about everyone on the forum donating the proceeds of one present to the McMillan cause?

<hr width=100% size=1>If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

 

[Iota]

It must be Panto then

Cinderella was now 75 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a dog-called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said: "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied: "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:
"I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.

Cinderella was stunned.
Alan, her old faithful dog, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother."

The Fairy Godmother replied, "It is the least I can do. What does your heart
wish for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again."
At once, her wish having been desired became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more wish, what shall you
have?"
Cinderella looked over to the frightened dog in the corner and said: "I wish you to transform Alan, my old dog, into a beautiful and handsome young man."
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a man, so beautiful, the like of which she nor the world had never seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke:
"Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life."
And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leant in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having my bollocks chopped off now, don't you?"


Iota

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[Cutter]

Re: It must be Panto then

Peter Pan and Wendy had been immortalised as statues and had been stuck at the top of their columns for 50 years when the fairy godmother approaches, waves her wand and says " You have been so ggo you can have 30 minutes as real people then its back up there for 50 years"
Peter Pan and Wendy get down, stretch a little and rush into each others arms. Looking longingly into his eyes she murmurs "to the wodds, to the woods".
Fifteen minutes later they emerge, flushed and ecstatic. "What shall we do now?" she asks.
He replies














Back to the woods but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on him.



Sorry


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