ParaHandy
Active member
The following telegram was received from the RYA although, somehow or other, Claymore got his paws on it ....
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It has come to our attention that your party has achieved the record for the largest group of pleasure craft to cross the channel since the evacuation of Dunkirk. On behalf of my own organisation, I Roderick Knackered-OldCarr of the Royal Yachting Arseossication bestow upon you the sobriquet, or title for our friends from north of the border, of the Little Shits.
We are joined in congratulating you by the Friends of Fray Bentos that noble English/Argentinian enterprise who also have a steak in Exporting the Great British Brand.
My personal friend the eminent yachting journalist Chuffer Cunlips is hoping to join you to pick your collective brain as he is fast running out of scenarios for his 'Learning Swerve' column and feels sure that you will have tales enough to recount which should last the old tosser for the rest of his writing days - this may not be a long time as the dreaded journo disease of wankers cramp is upon him and he is finding it far more devastating than writers block.
In the meantime if there are any budding journalists amongs your erstwhile group - perhaps this would be a good time to groom them for future stardom and Munny.
Well adventurers all - a number of people have been calling in to Shagpile towers - the opulent new headquarters of National Lottery Sail for Gold Inc (stop whingeing and pay your bloody subs you tight fisted bunch of scaldies) to congratulate you, so on behalf of Shirley Robertson and the YlingYlang ladies, Ben Ainslie's Dad without whom none of anything would have been pissible, Libby Purves, Norris from Coronation Street, Ancasta Rudderblades PLC, Salman Rushdies Travel Agent, Happy 1, Kim Hollandbollocks, Boring Dicky Doodah of the frigging Swatchways, President De Gaulle's Nose, TCM's wigmaker, and finally Claymore who is up to no good in your absence having a virtual cruise with the lovely Valerie Singleton. He wishes you to know that despite his Blue Peter having been up for a while now - she does appear to bat for the other team.
We wish you all a f*cking appalling trip back with momentous hangovers, the raging Cherbourg shits, and the odd dose of french Crabs. May we commend that Twisted Old sod Ken on his efforts in getting the whole shower of you over there and in so doing ensuring that the South Coast is kept tidy for a couple of days - Oh aye, an a' wee bugger fae East Kulbride says wid ye mak sure that yin o youse jokers slips yin weekend julie a crippler frae a' ra lads an inmates at ra temprence hotel.
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It has come to our attention that your party has achieved the record for the largest group of pleasure craft to cross the channel since the evacuation of Dunkirk. On behalf of my own organisation, I Roderick Knackered-OldCarr of the Royal Yachting Arseossication bestow upon you the sobriquet, or title for our friends from north of the border, of the Little Shits.
We are joined in congratulating you by the Friends of Fray Bentos that noble English/Argentinian enterprise who also have a steak in Exporting the Great British Brand.
My personal friend the eminent yachting journalist Chuffer Cunlips is hoping to join you to pick your collective brain as he is fast running out of scenarios for his 'Learning Swerve' column and feels sure that you will have tales enough to recount which should last the old tosser for the rest of his writing days - this may not be a long time as the dreaded journo disease of wankers cramp is upon him and he is finding it far more devastating than writers block.
In the meantime if there are any budding journalists amongs your erstwhile group - perhaps this would be a good time to groom them for future stardom and Munny.
Well adventurers all - a number of people have been calling in to Shagpile towers - the opulent new headquarters of National Lottery Sail for Gold Inc (stop whingeing and pay your bloody subs you tight fisted bunch of scaldies) to congratulate you, so on behalf of Shirley Robertson and the YlingYlang ladies, Ben Ainslie's Dad without whom none of anything would have been pissible, Libby Purves, Norris from Coronation Street, Ancasta Rudderblades PLC, Salman Rushdies Travel Agent, Happy 1, Kim Hollandbollocks, Boring Dicky Doodah of the frigging Swatchways, President De Gaulle's Nose, TCM's wigmaker, and finally Claymore who is up to no good in your absence having a virtual cruise with the lovely Valerie Singleton. He wishes you to know that despite his Blue Peter having been up for a while now - she does appear to bat for the other team.
We wish you all a f*cking appalling trip back with momentous hangovers, the raging Cherbourg shits, and the odd dose of french Crabs. May we commend that Twisted Old sod Ken on his efforts in getting the whole shower of you over there and in so doing ensuring that the South Coast is kept tidy for a couple of days - Oh aye, an a' wee bugger fae East Kulbride says wid ye mak sure that yin o youse jokers slips yin weekend julie a crippler frae a' ra lads an inmates at ra temprence hotel.
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