Boat show literature

[tcm]

I visited a boat show recently, and accumulated a large amount of sales literature.

The modern and supremely stylish exteriors of these essentially unique brochures, coupled with an unrivalled level of attention to detail has radically changed my outlook, my ambitions and my dreams. I had previously used words appropriately and effectively. Yet now, after an ongoing process of careful research and rigorous development, my finely-honed use of language has slowly but surely been revolutionised to include the full range of almost every single modern-day boat-marketing cliché. Indeed, whether I am writing an intimate letter to an incredibly discerning high-technology business colleague, or a simple note to our local world-class milkman, I simply can't resist the sheer undiluted pleasure of using only the very finest adjectives and top quality adverbs available. Ultimately, the resulting luxurious sentences comfortably occupy entire paragraphs, effortlessly affording the subject matter an aura that is truly alluring, breathlessly exciting and undeniably attractive.

Unfortunately, my "boat-brochure-drivel" writing style conveys almost no useful information whatsoever and I sound like an overpriced idiot. Can you help?

 

[sailbadthesinner]

go to yorkshire
they will beat it out of you

failing that i do courses in scousology
you will be equally misunderstood but people will be too scared to point it out

are you lookin at my bird??

Come on brain.get this over and i can go back to killing you with beer

 

[wakeup]

Diagnosis - Marketing Luvieitiss

Very severe case of marketing luvvietis.

Only cure is to spend lost of time in engineering department being beaten by engineers for yoy to shown them exactly where in your products the "effortless intuitive managment interface' happens to be within their product. Works for me every time. ( Oh its only software we can add it in after as part of a dot release upgrade)

yada yada..

 

[jimmie]

Culture shock

TCM you appear to be a nice man, are you married?

 

[Guest]

Re: Crikey!

Crikey, TCM...you've pulled!

Nice man? Oh...this'll be cunning use of irony, then ;o)

 

[longjohnsilver]

You've just missed bonfire nite, the ideal opportunity to make real use of these brochures.

However if you can find several blond bimbos as featured in said literature(!) then let me know and I'll make arrangements to meet and then we could produce an alternative along the lines of skipperswives.com/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[paulineb]

Re: Culture shock

Jimmie - I can't marry you to tcm, he'd need a divorce first and there'd be a HUGE battle of custody of the boat !

Pxx

 

[BrendanS]

Hey! someones nicked your idea and got it published in Dec MBY /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

 

[tcm]

Re: oops!

that'll learnem not to deliver the mag late!

 

[Guest]

Re: snigger!

.

 

[jimmie]

Do\'nt be presumptious

Can't a lady make a polite enquiry without someone leaping up the ladder of inference. I had judged by TCM's tone that he was educated and of good class and therefore might be woth cultivating. There are too many nasty people about today and it is so refreshing to have a chance to chat to some genuinely nice people.

 

[tcm]

See you jimmie

I am indeed married jimmie, so um, spose that's that.

 

[jimmie]

Ah well

I suppuse we could still be friends and if Mrs TCM does a Capt Bob then we could take it from there? Is your friend really an alchoholic?

 

[tcm]

Re: coliholic

is derived from his name (colin) and his boat (aquaholic) hence coliholic.

 

[coliholic]

Re: coliholic

Ah thanks for that always wondered where the name came from.

Hic. Or maybe I can't spell alcerolic properly?

 

[jimmie]

Re: coliholic

Colin seems a very genuine sort of person as well. Its good to know that he is not addicted to wine, its a terrible scourge you know. Is he a good companionable, reliable sort on a boat because I could do with a little bit of help occasionally. I'm decorating it a little at the moment and a man would be useful, do you think he'd mind if I asked him?

 

[tcm]

Re: coliholic

Okay, the real reason is actually "COr it's that Loonie In a HOmebuild Lashed again In Coming".

 

[EME]

Congrats:

Jimmi

If nothing else you've maanged to keep them circumspect. I don't know how you feel about this though:-

You are the first rejected lady, by either of them, during last 20 boating years....

Feeling good?




<font color=black>I am WHAT I say I am

 

[coliholic]

Re: coliholic

Decorating the boat eh? Well then I'M YOUR MAN.

Having watched that Carl Smilie bloke on TV I'm now a real whizz with MDF. I can make virtually anything from a half way passable occasional table (i.e. occasionally it's a table if you can keep the legs on and get it to balance), right through to a total cock up. I'm really good at the latter having made loads of 'em in my time.

Wallpapering is another of my skills. I particularly like the striped wallpaper especially if hung at a slight angle. Indeed it has been said I am well hung at many different angles. Or was that should be well hung? Can never seem to remember..

Or maybe when you say decorating, you're referring to the upcoming Christmas festivities and need some help in putting up the tree and lights? I do a nice line in Xmas trees. Rather than waste valuable natural resources, for the past few years I've popped down to our nearest marina and chopped down a mast off of one of those saily types boats and used that . They never seem to notice. Well not till the spring anyway.

And lights. Well I AM DEFINITELY your man for these. There's a whole pile of them in my garage that I recovered from the M1 a while back. They were just sitting there in the middle of the road causing untold distraction to drivers, so i stopped and popped about a hundred or so in my boot. Good job I did too, 'cos it couldn't have been more than 10 minutes later when there was an almighty pile up with cars going every which way.

So is that enough for you to be going on with, or do you need more details of my prowess?

 

[ccscott49]

Re: coliholic

There is another Colin, you know and he's single!