Best man jokes : HELP !

[Sybarite]

It's a long time since I last did it but I have to perform on Saturday. Anybody have a favourite best man joke - it will have to delivered in French so ones with no English language subtelties please.

In front of fairly straight-laced country folk too.

Thanks folks.

John


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[BrendanS]

Haven't got a favourite, but just type 'best man jokes' into google, and have a read. Bound to be something there you can use

<hr width=100% size=1>Utinam logica falsa tuam philisophiam totam suffodiant

 

[Sybarite]

Thanks Brendan. Actually I had done that but with such a bunch of jokers on the forum I was interesed to see what they would come up with.

John

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[Becky]

Look up their stars in the paper. I am sure the French are as daft about astrology as the English. You should be able to adapt the predictions to the occasion. This is what happened at my wedding, and very funny it was too. Best of luck!

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[kateoreally]

John, you getting married AGAIN! Nae wonder ye left ole Oireland .. the wee priest widnae hae pit up wi' it!

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[Rob_Webb]

My favourite opening line used several times to good effect:

"Ladies and gentlemen, it looks as though we've reached the time for that old chestnut, the Best Man's Speech. The truth is, I feel little bit like Elizabeth Taylor's 7th husband..... I know what I've got to do, but I'm not really sure how to make it interesting!"

Good luck
Rob

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[Gunfleet]

If desperate you could always start chanting that Arcadian song... changez les dames changez les dames je vous en prie, changez les dames changez les dames c'est la folie, je veux ma femme je veux ma femme recuperer... etc. Paulo Conti does it on a record but I've heard it sung by Cajuns. If nothing else it'll get a jolly good square dance going!

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[Sybarite]

Ah Katie me darling. Shure t'is gas how ye be me reminding me of me 4th wife...

John

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[david_e]

A man and woman are standing at the altar, about to be married, when the bride-to-be looks at her prospective groom and sees that he has a set of golf clubs with him.
"What on earth are you doing with those golf clubs in church?" she whispers.
"Well," he says, "this isn't going to take all afternoon, is it?"

or try

www.amazingjokes.com

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[snowleopard]

could you translate the old blessing:

May you have the Wisdom of Solomon, the Patience of Job..... and the Children of Israel

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[Romeo]

Being a best man is a bit like shagging the Queen. Its a great honour to be asked but no one really wants to do it.

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[TwoStroke]

The best site for this is <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.hitched.co.uk>http://www.hitched.co.uk</A>

Used this site to prepare my Best Man and Groom speech last year. Excellent.

Go to best man speeches and you can pull all the jokes you require - the speeches are also graded. Good luck! /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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[tcm]

You can’t make any jokes or gags for the first few minutes or a speech. Nor can you pick out friends and make “in” jokes with them as you lose the rest of the audience. This applies to all speeches.

You have to rehearse the first few sentences so you can get them out even when nervous or a bit sloshed. The first few sentences have to be inclusive, welcoming, pleasant. Again, this applies to all speeches.

You need lots of presents to give out. Flowers for brides mum etc etc are always excellent props and helpful to finsih your speech with lots of clapping (which isn't entirely for you - so you can join in clapping too and still end speech and pass on to others).

If the wedding has been a totally disorgainsed mess you can make a gag about this not be an “arranged marriage” at all. I used this once when the bride lost her friggin wedding ring on the way to recep from church and we all had to look for it at the side of the road. Very funny actually, lots of other peeps nothing to do with the wedding also stopped when they saw loads of nerks in wedding gear hunting about in the verge. We found it eventually.

There are few “roadsigns” in weddings : people turn up, have no idea when the roomed is booked until, or where the bar is, or when anyone leaves. Best man should do this, esp as there are often lots of people who have not met for ages and want to know what happens next, when they get chucked out, is the bar free? etc.

You can’t tell horrid or awful jokes, nor jokes hideously embarrassing as you’ll look a total git. But if you have nice memories/stories you can precede them with something like “I’ve nothing but good things to say about xxx - let me tell you the stuff I’ve got on him here is GOOD!” – dunno if this would translate tho.

Good luck


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[Fill]

Don't get sloshed beforehand, I cherish the memory of the wedding where the best man tried to refer to "the lovely Bridget" and it came out as "the loveless frigid"!

Favourite French wedding waqs where the best man, in referring to the happy couple meeting for the first time-when it was love at first sight, said it was a "coup de foutre", this had the French lying on the floor helpless with laughter and crying for mercy. What he meant was a "coup de foudre". The latter means something like a blow of love, the former a bit more basic!

Good luck! You'll have the most receptive audience in the world.

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[flyingjunior]

John
Poke fun out of the Belgiems as they are usally the butt of every Frenchmans joke.

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[Badger]

This is quite a good one when you are reading the telegrams.. "I've got one here from xxxx rugby club, Dear Bride, we have tried him in every position without any success, now it's your turn "

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[StugeronSteve]

Marriage makes a man complete. Once a woman has got that ring on his finger he's finished!

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[ubuysa]

BM at a recent wedding began by saying "When Ben (the groom) asked me to be his best man it felt a bit like being asked to make love to the Queen. (long pause) It's a great honour, but you don't actually look forward to it!" the palce was in stitches, he could have said anything he liked after that..........

Tony Cross

<hr width=100% size=1>There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

[CJU]

The old Oracle at work used to say " get married early on, then if it doesn't work out you haven't wasted the whole day" Not sure what the French will make of that but it used to make me smile.

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[BrendanS]

RobbieW did that one earlier in thread. Please pay attention! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>Utinam logica falsa tuam philisophiam totam suffodiant