Attention Colin & Nick

[Guest]

Sue's steam computer can't recieve the E mail attachment I sent her, as a present for all her hard work.

Would you describe to her please,

in detail,

the contents' cos she seems to think that it's a big picture of my boat!!!

Also Colin you seem to have gone all quiet, after

your notice of secondment as. Cabin boy ,

chief cook and bottle washer, general mug and deck scrubber,

on the forthcomming trip to Yarmouth.

Mutiny is a serious crime.

It shall be put to the panel on Gardeners Question Time. For a suitable punishment.

Sue can be the Judge.

On the panel will be other itinerant loafers,

with chairman Matt to give a running commentary

of the proceedings.

Nicks chief prosicution witness cos he's got all

the facts and anyway he's an accountant and everybody

believes them ???

So you'd better give a good, but diplomatic description

of the aformentioned attatchment.

If you dont want to face keel hauling.!!

I rest my case.

 

[Guest]

Oh sorry Sue, what a shame I already deleted it from my "inbox", so that my little kiddies wouldn't inadvertently open it and corrupt their young minds and I've totally forgotten the contents. Honestly your Honour.

Re the offer to dress up as Roger the Cabin Boy and help you ensure that at this Solent bash there's at least one decent boat amongst the yotties without sails and tenders and RIBS and other "toy boats", I'm quite happy to do this, but in Nick speak, the bottom line is, one-way only Pedro. There or back, I don't really mind, but I've not really got the time for both ways. I've already bought the gin all I need now is to save up for the tonic and I'm all yours big boy.

I'm sure Sue can direct you to some of the seedier haunts of Yarmouth where you'd be able to pick up someone to help take it home?

Mind you I thought you had state of the art navigation and autopilot-linked-to-the-coffe-machine and everything, so you only need to press the button, set your alarm clock and wake up in Plymouth. Works for me when I go to Calais with P&O.

Of course you might not still have the boat then and you'll have tons of things to do in your allotment anyway so more than likely you'll be up to your armpits in weeding and deadheading and stuff and you'll probably cry off at the last minute anyway.

 

[Guest]

Colin\'s reply

I am sorry but this is just not up to scratch as a description of Grampa Haydn's e-mail attachment. I believe that keel hauling might be the appropriate punishment. Alternatively I can offer you the use of a loaded revolver and an empty room if you want to do the decent thing. I would also forgive you if you also have whisky on your boat - I mean what is this English fixation with Gin and Tonic? Is'nt malt whisky freely(well maybe not free) available in our colonies down South.?

The thing is Sue, Haydn's attachment was, well, pornographic and involved the Flintstones. I had no idea that sort of thing was going on behind the scenes of this family programme. As an upstanding member of the Institute of Turf Accountants of Scotland (Presbyterian born again Christian for every funeral and wedding) I was deeply offended by Haydn's attachment. So much so that I have forwarded it to about 40 assorted chief constables, public standards bodies and ministers of religion (they get special tax allowances you know). I have also filed it with a password so that I can look at it when I wish to remind myself of it's offensive nature. Indeed, I had to do just that four times this week.

Finally, I have to say that the role of Dino the dog in this movie was exploitative of a dumb animal and I think the animal rights protestors should be supplied with Haydn's address.

Shocked of Scotland

 

[Guest]

Re: duh?

Erm well, H has obviously sent an email, but seeing as I don't bother with them much, i havnae got it.

Anyway, I spoke with Colin earlier in the week, and despite best efforts he won't drag his boat down there. But he is (as above) planning on helping H with boat. But what help d'ya need on a powerboat? Spcially in yarmouth. Don't bother to callem up, just drive in early, announce that you are hopeless at boating, never done it before, and this is the very first time in Yarmouth, and then you can have a nice berth, and some help from the old gits who wake up early for their twenty quids.

How did you manage to get into a bustup about a boating trip four months away?

I am thinking about coming on this rally, and if I do, there will babysitting from moderately aged and sensible young person (for AW) but unlikelyhood of getting any sleep from wild wife and crew who party until 2pm.

Harumph, so in summing up, I would press for a guilty verdict for both H and C, and a sentence of several hours hard drinking, and possibly getting water pistolled on the Sunday morning.